Lindsay Lohan’s parents reach divorce settlement

The Superficial / August 20, 2007

This is kind of old news and I wasn’t sure it was worth mentioning, but Dina and Michael Lohan have reached an agreement on their divorce settlement. Us reports:

Though the terms of the agreement were not disclosed, state Supreme Court Justice Robert A. Ross reportedly told the Lohans, ‘You have both demonstrated to me extraordinarily good judgment in resolving this matter as you did.’ Despite today’s events, the Lohans will be in family court on Sept. 6 to determine a custody and visitation agreement for their underage children, 13-year-old Aliana and 11-year-old Dakota.

Granted, Michael Lohan has been in jail for the past two years on DUI and assault charges, the custody battle will be a tough call for any judge. How does one choose between Dina Lohan and an ex-con? During the trial Dina will refer to the younger children as “Lindsay Jr.” and “Mommy’s Little Coke-mule” while Michael drunkenly fights his own chair. The judge will draw a smiley face on his gavel and award it custody of the children. People in the courtroom will applaud. Even the Lohan’s attorneys will cheer and proclaim this to be the greatest judgment in the history of law. A small, wooden hammer instead of our own clients, they’ll say. How do you beat that?