Lindsay Lohan’s dad is a holy man

October 12th, 2007 // 77 Comments
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Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael Lohan apparently is a cheating bastard. A Long Island woman has been dating Michael for the past four months; only to find out he has a new girlfriend. Page Six reports:

“We fell in love – there was ‘I love you’ and everything. He told me that he was going to change my life. He’s very sexual, I thought we had great sex. Sex is very important with him.”
But this week, Michael began crowing about his new girlfriend Erin, a Lindsay look-alike, and pictures of them surfaced in Utah, where he was visiting his rehabbing daughter.

I’m actually not surprised that Michael Lohan is dating someone who looks just like his daughter. Not even fazed. I was however amused at this piece of information:

She says she was particularly jolted because Michael has become an ordained minister. “When he was melancholy once, I asked him, ‘Is there someone else in your life?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ I said, ‘Who is that?’ and he said, ‘God.’

I can almost hear Michael Lohan picking up chicks at the bar: “Oh yes, I’m very religious,” he’ll say. “In fact, I’m a minister. Would you like to come and pray with me? I’m building you a steeple right now – in my pants.” I’m almost 90% positive he stole that line from Moses. Or was it Noah? I’d open the Bible and check myself, but whenever I touch one, my hands start to burn and I hear this really deep laughing. I should probably get a new one, but with the traffic these days, I don’t know if it’s worth it.

Photos: Splash
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  1. ha8ter

    Yes, Roller of God, we certainly ARE cowards for not using our real names, aren’t we?
    And why, why WHY are you on a gossip site when partaking of gossip in any form is a SIN??? You are a perfect example of a religious hypocrite who judges people for judging others. And THAT my friend, is the real lesson you have taught us today. Thank you.

  2. Habitual Line Stepper

    I see what you’re saying #48, but Fishshrink is still a douche. Fuck Him/Her!

  3. bob

    I want this woman. I bet she is a great fuck.

  4. TS

    Seriously, I am no fashion expert, but I can say with some degree of certainly that this new trend of the ’80′s sunglasses is a horrible one. I prefer the alien oversized look.

  5. schack

    sprayed-on jeans make legs look like sausages

  6. schack

    and too much bleach makes hair look like plastic

  7. Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day

    Why so little religious rallying around this slut? Cuz she doesn’t hail from the bible belt like Britney Christ your little hero victim.

  8. schack

    how much cocaine does it take to make sausage legs and polymer hair look look good? why doesn’t anyone else see? are y’all on cocaine?

  9. Sam Hain

    Hey #24 speaking of stones…

    Jesus and the apostles arrive in a small, dusty town to discover an angry mob obviously bent on doing harm. Jesus elbows his way through the crowd to discover a terrified woman cowering on the ground. Only then does he notice that everyone around her is holding stones.
    “What’s happening here?” he demands.
    “She’s an adulturess,” cries a voice. “And she must be stoned to death.”
    “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone,” replies Jesus, staring back at the crowd. At this, everyone falls silent, then one by one they drop their stones and shuffle off, ashamed.

    Except for one little old woman who staggers up to the adulturess with a monster of a rock in her arms. With a huge effort of will she raises it above her head and craaaaaash!, smashes it down on the other woman, killing her instantly.

    Jesus lets out a huge sigh then says, “You know, Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”

  10. BunnyButt

    I don’t know what’s wrong with you people. It’s perfectly normal and even mentally healthy to fuck someone who looks just like your daughter. You know, your daughter isn’t always available when you want her, so it’s good to have some back up, just in case.

    ——————————-
    FREE KATIE HOLMES!

  11. El Ces

    Lindsay looks good here.
    And I WAS always curious about her lyrics in that song about her father.

    “You took my innocence away
    you broke me in with your mistakes”
    etc…

  12. SkidMarkz

    Why is she wearing different shoes in some of these pictures?

    She may be crazy, but I’d do her!

  13. TS

    Why would anyone know lyrics to a Lohan song?

    And Bunnybutt, you crack me up. Fucking classic.

  14. IKE

    Whoa, FIRE CROTCH grew a little bit of an ass while in rehab!!!!

    That reminds me..
    WHERE’S KIM KARDASHIAN???
    :)

  15. LindsayLohanLover

    #49 *another ugly PALE white BITCH* yeah but she aint ugly she is hellish hot and i wanna fuck her so deep up her ass doggystyle that my schlong pops outta her mouth!

  16. MrSemprini

    You want to do some real research? Tell me who these women are? http://www.secretsinlace.com so I can start getting my restraining orders. Horny minds REALLY want to know.

  17. celebretard

    Michael and Dina need to go into rehab themselves. Anyone else find it weird that he is dating someone that looks just like his daughter. GROSS! Check out his FriendSpaceBook profile. its quite entertaining. http://www.friendspacebook.com/MichaelLohan

  18. veggi

    I’m so bored. I’m bored, bored, bored. I have a sammich . . . I mean sandwich . . . I’m too bored to eat it though. I hate this website. I hate LL. I’m just bored. I think I’m losing my mind. I’m going home and take pills; any pills I can find – aspirin, ibuprofen, allergy pills, vitamin pills, birth control pills, condoms, whatever. I’ll chew the condoms like they were bubble gum. And I’m gonna drink: wine, coffee, tea, coke, beer, whiskey, tequila, brandy, vodka, gasoline, doesn’t matter, I just wanna get drunk. I wanna get drunk and puke my guts out. Ipecac will make me puke; I think I’ll take that. And I wanna dump. I wanna dump all day; so I’m gonna take as many laxatives as I can find. I’m gonna eat pet food too. I’m gonna eat a box of chocolates, and then another and another and another and another and another. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Then I’m gonna set fire to my money. I don’t want my money any more; I’m just gonna burn it, every last bit of it. I’m gonna go out and throw rocks through windows: car windows, house windows, store windows, any old windows at all. And I’m gonna spray paint obscenities on churches, synagoges, whatever. And I’m gonna go out and kick puppies. Yeah, I’m gonna kick ‘em really really hard too; all the way down the street. Then I’m gonna phone PETA and tell them what I did and then tell them to just fuck off. I am sooooo bored.

    veggi

  19. I don’t like the 2nd pic where she’s looking directly at the camera. It reminds me of what I see when I’m caught looking through binoculars. Some women, so rude.

  20. MassGrrl

    With all the money these girls have, why can’t they keep their nails neatly manicured and buy some decent shoes that go with their outfits?

  21. BoredInOhio

    Question: what do non-religious Americans do with their free time, if they are living in the country or a medium/small city ?
    Always wondered… There is nowhere to go. You can’t go to the village and walk in century-old streets to admire the architecture. You can’t stop at a terrace and have a coffee while watching people passing by. All you can do is go to church.
    That’s why so many Americans are religious. Without the church there is no social life.

  22. HotHair

    Where do they sell these caps with long yellow hair glued to them ?
    It is funny, I want one.

  23. ScuttlingCrab

    I don’t think that Michael raped her. I think that’s too obvious. However, I do think he has an erotic fixation with her and that she can sense it.

    If there is any skeleton in her closet, I’d say that maybe she was filmed having sex with Aaron or Nick Carter, whichever her first boyfriend was, and that her parents allowed it, and that this tape is sold in and around perv circles. I say that because this kind of practice is common in Hollywood and especially Disney. There’s also a story that Dina waited outside the bedroom door while they deflowered each other, that it was all controlled. That felt inappropriate.

    But Lindsay is no innocent victim, her sins are her own. I’m a huge Lindsay fan and she needs to come face-to-face with that. Just because her parents are assholes doesn’t give her the right to be one.

  24. she looks good!! my full gallery!!! http://www.mactanque.com/

  25. Rodney

    lmfao!

  26. gerard Vandenberg

    YOU WHORE!! Your looks are so damn dirty, you don’t want to know. Please have a close look to the black nail-pollish!! Your looks are just fine for earning pocket money as a cheap-WHORE!!
    SUCCES!!

  27. Gloria

    glad to see you here , i heard that your profile on sugarcupid.com is very fantastic, is it true?

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