Lindsay Lohan’s dad is a holy man

October 12th, 2007 // 77 Comments
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Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael Lohan apparently is a cheating bastard. A Long Island woman has been dating Michael for the past four months; only to find out he has a new girlfriend. Page Six reports:

“We fell in love – there was ‘I love you’ and everything. He told me that he was going to change my life. He’s very sexual, I thought we had great sex. Sex is very important with him.”
But this week, Michael began crowing about his new girlfriend Erin, a Lindsay look-alike, and pictures of them surfaced in Utah, where he was visiting his rehabbing daughter.

I’m actually not surprised that Michael Lohan is dating someone who looks just like his daughter. Not even fazed. I was however amused at this piece of information:

She says she was particularly jolted because Michael has become an ordained minister. “When he was melancholy once, I asked him, ‘Is there someone else in your life?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ I said, ‘Who is that?’ and he said, ‘God.’

I can almost hear Michael Lohan picking up chicks at the bar: “Oh yes, I’m very religious,” he’ll say. “In fact, I’m a minister. Would you like to come and pray with me? I’m building you a steeple right now – in my pants.” I’m almost 90% positive he stole that line from Moses. Or was it Noah? I’d open the Bible and check myself, but whenever I touch one, my hands start to burn and I hear this really deep laughing. I should probably get a new one, but with the traffic these days, I don’t know if it’s worth it.

Photos: Splash
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  1. Dorepoll

    FWOOT!!

  2. veggi

    oooOOOOoooo, get on your knees. We’re gonna “pray” haha!

  3. He has every right to engage in a consensual relationship with any adult he choses. Obviously the woman he is dating doe not have a problem with it – so why should anyone else

  4. Cuntyface

    Here’s a nice bolt of Jesus-juice, right down your gullet.

  5. IWONKY

    My hands start to flame up when I touch Bibles too. Geez, fish. I thought that only happened to me! I hands don’t get burned, but the Bible explodes.

  6. MindRiot

    Lindsey is a skank.

  7. ha8ter

    ohhhh, just look at her so happy to be in the limelight again. Ugh. I hate her almost as much as Britney.

  8. havoc

    God = the other woman.

    .

  9. PurpleHammerheadOfLove

    See? You can be a holy roller and get LOTS of ass. It’s been done over and over again, even the pervs know about it (Catholics). Don’t hate. Appreciate.

  10. Chris

    Leave Britney alone!

  11. Ahem Roid

    Lindsay’s jealous that Britney’s getting so much publicity, so let’s keep this one under 50 comments, just to piss her off.

  12. can’t we at least get a pic of the “lindsay look-a-like??!” this is almost as creepy as joe simpson.

  13. J-Sin

    Wow she has great tits and a nice ass. I would so fucking hit that.

  14. veggi

    He likes to impregnante tonsils.

  15. Happenis

    Yeah I know she’d got STDs but still, she’s looking very fuckable here. I’d seal it in latex & hit that for sure – but absolutely not if she’s really sober. No fucking way. Meeting (or meating) the “real Lindsay”? “Ummm…nah, I’ll pass, gotta go, but go on and cut without me, hahaha ” (*runs*).

  16. Mike

    “impregnante”??? I didn’t know he was Italian.

  17. freakwad

    haha jesus juice!! GAIJIN SMASH

  18. Auntie Kryst

    @8 Havoc’s got it right! That line about there is another in his life, God. That had me cracking up. I wonder if Lohan’s dad and the creator of the universe get together on Wednesdays during lunch hour in a mall parking lot?

  19. angela

    seriously tho… you have to wonder about page 6… i mean sure, i could call up page 6 and tell them i’m fuckin brad pitt… doesnt make it the truth.

  20. Becz

    i think michael lohan is sexy… seriously

  21. PleaseGoAway

    She’s looking pretty ratty face wise in a few of these. I think sobriety doesn’t agree with or become her.

  22. ha8ter

    OH MY GOD, HIS GIRLFRIEND LOOKS JUST LIKE LILO- ARE THEY THE SAME AGE TOO? THAT IS JUST SICK.
    sorry for yelling.

  23. Roller of God

    #17 – thanks for that link. I suppose if you think all blonds look alike, then sure, she looks like Lindsay (when she has blond hair). I sure hope her dad doesn’t start dating a black or asian woman – imagine how many other people she’ll look like!

    Anyway, that link included this bit of joy in the comments section, so I believe it was the Hand of God that made you post the link today, given the previous comment thread. I will follow God’s will and paste it here, for all to enjoy!

    ****

    Well well, first we have “Wicked”,and all I can say is”wicked is as wicked does”!!! It just seems to be your evil and jealous nature. If you look within yourself, I would venture to say you better bring a lantern to lighten the darkness.
    As for all the “ANONYMOUS” cowards who fail to use their real names and are so quick to jugde, criticize and make malicious comments when they have more skeletons than a cemetery. I say you are jealous, envious and more likely than not, dark and evil by nature!! What gives you the right to say anything about someone when you yourself have faults of your own. Did you ever read the scripture or hear the saying, “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”? Read it in the book of John chapter 8 verse 7.
    Do you know what it means? Can you grasp the concept or has the devil grasped you so tight that you aren’t strong enough to break free!? I say you can. But the truth is that you aren’t strong enough because you don’t know God, yet if you do come to know Him, you too will come out of the darkness which fills your world and into the light.
    Find something better to do than to pick on my family and people I love. Find God and get a life. We have one and it is with God!!!!!!!!!!!!! That includes the ones I love.
    It’s said that “it’s never too late” but God says, “hurry, because we all will be judged”. by Him!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Matthew 7:1 “Judge not lest you be be judged”.

  24. LindsayLooksHot

    I have never liked Lindsay and I know she has gotten all the fashionable sex diseases. But she looks totally tappable in these pictures. Wicked Pretty IMHO.

  25. Jesus

    Roller Of God. Please do my will and walk into a public library at noon and eat the boogers from your nose. Eternal salvation awaits you.

  26. FaithieSue

    It’s amazing how many people prefer to look at these people with hate in their hearts, rather than with compassion. I suppose none of you have ever relied on the compassion of others in your life. Do people honestly just come here to spread hate?
    It’s really sad…

  27. Valerie hates talentless hacks

    OK, so we have an Oedipal complex when the son wants to do the mom….
    an Electra complex when the daughter wants to do the dad….
    so what is this complex, when the dad wants to do the daughter……

    I got it…Jerry Springer Show.

  28. HORSE

    Wow that hair looks good enough to eat.

  29. Burning Bush (aka Lindsay)

    #26 – you can’t be Jesus. Jesus is funny.

  30. Fishshrink

    erm…I seriously doubt that in this case it’s a complex. More like a historical fact.

  31. Shallo Val

    J-Sin, #13

    By the way, it’s not ass, it’s the jeans. They’re made that way. Lindsay Lohan has no ass. She’s got that Beulah from Porky’s build. If she ever puts on 100 lbs, you’ll see it.

  32. Nothing at all suprises me anymore with the Lohan Clan
    and could those jeans be any tighter?

    http://testoster-zone.blogspot.com

  33. Valerie hates talentless hacks

    31 – erhm

    Oedipus and Electra are fictional “Greek Myth” people. He was the mythical king of thebes. So what fact are you referring to….the FACT that Freud chose those two myths as his subjects of reference?

  34. justplainconfused

    @32 – Wow, I hope whoever invented those jeans gets a nod from the Nobel Committee. I find the ability to give LiLO a butt must more worthwhile than “An Inconvenient Truth.” After all, I never fell asleep watching a nice ass.

  35. Mick

    Damn, She has gotten So Fat. I guess rehab does that.

  36. Jesus

    Give me a Jesus Joke Burning Bush.

  37. Well we already know what Lindsay is going to look like in a couple of years…just like her mom. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing I guess. She will never be as hot as she was in Freaky Friday though….ummm…I mean Mean Girls.

    http://www.wooohah.com
    Where hip-hop and Hollywood collide

  38. gimmiemore

    shut up fattie sue.

  39. Thick as a brick

    Val, dahling, #31 was merely saying that Lindsay’s dad expressed his desires instead of repressing them. These days a lot of comments are being run through the cementhead filter it seems….

  40. Church Lady

    Here’s a song for this story. If Michael is the dad and “boat” = penis, it’s not so bad!

    Michael, row the boat ashore,
    Hallelujah.
    Michael, row the boat ashore,
    Hallelujah.

    Sister, help to trim the sails,
    Hallelujah.
    Sister, help to trim the sails,
    Hallelujah.

    River Jordan’s deep and wide,
    Hallelujah.
    Milk and honey on the other side,
    Hallelujah.

    River Jordan’s chilly and cold,
    Hallelujah.
    Chills the body, but warms the soul,
    Hallelujah.

  41. Ooba Gooba

    Lindsay Lohan is a piece of shit.

  42. Habitual Line Stepper

    You’ll have to forgive #31 and #40. He thinks he’s smart.

  43. p0nk

    Smart or not, he/she is also correct in this instance. And yeah, the collective IQ of this group has gone way down.

  44. Habitual Line Stepper

    #44 so you agree that dad’s wanting to do their daughter’s is an historical fact?

  45. igroovin

    how the uckfe can u call her fat? thats just sad.

  46. igroovin

    what brand are those jeans, Shallo Val?

  47. p0nk

    The original comment said “in this case” so sure, I bet Lindsay’s dad boinked her, all the signs are there. There was no generalization.

  48. Asswipe

    another ugly PALE white BITCH

  49. veggi

    46- hahaha! You used pig latin to swear. oh, little baby jesus, help me!!!!

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