Lindsay Lohan whoring around with Keanu

December 21st, 2005 // 21 Comments

tn_lindsay_premiere_cr.jpgNow that Lindsay Lohan has moved down to Keanu Reeves on her list of people to bone, she’ll likely be knocking on Pauly Shore’s door by Valentine’s Day. This is either another sad attempt to make Wilmer jealous, or the latest twist in downward spiral that ends with Lindsay sprawled out naked in my garage under a pile of “Herbie the Love Bug” DVDs.

Both stars were dining with friends, and just happened to get up at the same time to use the washroom facilities. They made eye contact in the lobby, chatted, complimented each other’s work and finally asked the front desk for pen and paper to exchange numbers.

Yeah, yeah, it sounds innocent enough, but let’s not deny that she probably cornered Keanu in the parking lot and forced him to tell her that she’s prettier than her sister. Keanu, take it from me, Lindsay will vaporize your soul faster than an R. Kelly golden shower. Run away now!


  1. tess

    Dear Wilmer,
    Please do us all a favor and take Lindsay back. I mean, can’t u see that the girl is in a desperate crusade to make u jealous? She’s hitting on every famous guy she crosses path with: Colin,Derek,Jared and now Keanu. This is getting pathetic man. Next thing we’ll hear is she got pregnant by K-Fed. Wilmer, you’re the only person who can save this girl. We don’t want another teenage sweatheart turned desperate housewife like Britney.

  2. ElFurbe

    If I was Lindsay Lohan, I’d be hitting on not-famous guys. Not famous guys that post comments sporadically on celebrity gossip sites. Guys that have “El” and “Furbe” in their handle. Cause that’s SURE to make Wilmer jealous. Oh man, like, super jealous, right? Yeah, man. That’s the way I’d go.

  3. ~S.Starr~

    Is it just me…or in that picture does anyone see the white sploch on her forhead right below her hairline. Either the guy who bleached her hair went too low and bleached her forhead or she self tanner missed that spot with self tanner.

  4. jakob

    Isn’t Keanu Reeves gay?

  5. Leslie

    S.Starr- Yep, at that event, whatever it was, her makeup artist definitely fucked up.

    Anyways, Lindsay is gorgeous and wonderful, so whether it’s missing a spot with your bronzer or hitting on a man twice your age whose voice is more than a little sketchy, we all make mistakes. I’m willing to forgive her.

  6. Juliette

    She doesn’t stop for air does she?

  7. Sheva

    Well if Bruce Willis and others are done why not Keanu and his blank stare acting. Maybe that’s the look he’ll give her after unloading his deposit.

  8. ebayfan414

    Hey hey hey, people, be easy on Keanu! The reason his face expresses no emotions and he can’t act and he walks around like a robot is because he’s actually in a coma….a special, unheard of kind of CELEBRITY coma, where you are emotionally and brainly dead, and can only walk around pretending that you are not gay. (ahem, keanu…)

    As for lindsay, in a few weeks I won’t be surprised if she walks into a subway restaurant empty-handed and walks out with Jared-the-fat-guy-who-lost-a-lot-of-weight-by-eating-a-lot-but-only-eating-a-lot-of-SUBWAY-and-is-therefor-famous-for-some-odd-reason. On second thought, maybe she’d like carrot top better.

  9. SpiderMomma

    Either that or she is really a zombie and the make up artist didn’t do such a hot job of covering up the dead flesh.

  10. Captain Awesome

    I’d hit it.

  11. julema

    It’s impossible that a men like keanu can be interested in a crazy-young-freakles-skinny-anorexic-girl…well, wait until he saw her in the morning without her tones of make up!

  12. hafaball

    Hey, Keanu knows the the matrix, (yes that’s a new form of karate where i’m from) he can handle himself. I say she just make the god damn sex video, get it over with, and make a movie with Bijou Phillips, cause she kicks ass. then she goes in secrecy for awhile, like Howard Hughes, until finally she comes out and makes a good movie, well, a tolerable one at least. I think she can act, just the breasts tell her what to do. Kind of like a penis on a man. Oh, that’s going in my book…

  13. Craig & "em"

    This story sounds like a case of PR buzz to me. I mean…it’s almost 2006. Doesn’t everyone use their cellphone to copy numbers? Especially celebs who don’t want their business put out there. Nobody uses pen and paper to get a number. The only people who do that, are the ones giving PHONY numbers out. (PAUSE) OOOHHHH…I get it! SCORE ONE FOR KEANU!

  14. drowningfool

    I give Lohan five years before she starts looking like a female version of the Cryptkeeper. Red-head anorexics are known to age horribly…especially ones that need to cake on the make-up and tanner at age 21.

  15. curiousone

    she looks so much better when she had some meat on her and she was a redhead.

  16. ThatsHot

    Okay, so LiLo gets Keanu’s digits and he gets hers. Looking for the scandal here….. Oh! It is because of the possibility they might fuck? Is that why this is so interesting? My goodness, it’s LINDSAY people! She’s gonna bone every guy she can. Gotta do somethin to take the bad taste of Wilmer out of her mouth. Sheesh…..

  17. HollyJ

    Jakob — YES, he’s gay. He’s the gayest XY that ever crawled the planet except PERHAPS Liberace (and that’s still a toss-up)

  18. Well the ultimate way to proove your not gay to the Hollywood hounds is to shack up with this bleached out, fake tan blow up doll. I am continuosly puzzled by this white trash vogue. Did it begin with Britney?

  19. Keanureevesaholic

    Keanu is NOT gay! Not at all! That was a fake rumour ages ago because he starred in this one damn film! He can choose who he likes as long as he’s happy, he’s had alot of un-happiness in his life recently.

  20. sarakai

    Keanureevesaholic, i definitely agree. I’m a great lover of making fun of celebrities when the unfortunate happens, like a fat day or a nasty break up, but when the heartbreak is due to the death of your fiance and child i think its betta left alone. Give Keanu a break, not only does he have to suffer the loss of his family but he has to endure Lindsay Lohan. eeeeewwwwww!

  21. surpriseme

    I think this is just gross. She is just way too young for him.

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