Lindsay Lohan should solve crimes

April 28th, 2010 // 36 Comments

Lindsay Lohan knows it was her dad who tweeted she has AIDS and not the work of a hacker, according to Page Six:

He’s a grown man and has done the exact same things on TV/interviews, [so] why wouldn’t he lie on Twitter, and everywhere else!” she tweeted. “He just wants money — and he’s using me, my name, my status, my mother, brothers and sister for the cash to pay for [another] wedding.”

When someone whose body is 80% rum, dick and coke is able to deduce you did something, it’s time to pack up your shit and find a new con. To put things in perspective, Ronald McDonald could flash Lindsay for 20 minutes and she’d swear to God she just saw a puppy. Or a shark. — A puppy shark.

superficial

  1. Que

    Que smoke y snort ll eveidance es no good diea.

  2. Mattthew

    no one belves you hohan and also you should be in celeberty rehab

  3. DeezNuts

    Brilliant! She has all the markings of a great detective. Maybe Lindsay should star in the next flop funny cop movie with Tracy Mogan to give her some relevance in entertainment again.

  4. Attention Whores

    Just die already….

  5. tweet this, lindsey…you worthless whore…no one gives a shit about you and your twisted family

  6. It's Me Fuckers

    that is the scariest, fake, crazy lady smile I have seen.

  7. Peaches

    These people seem to feed off of each other. If it wasn’t for Micheal, they would surely fade into obscurity.
    It’s all a vicious circle. Lindsay does something foolish. Micheal comments to the press. Then Dina comments to the press about Micheal. This leads to Lindsay and her sister screaming that Dad’s a douche. Then Lindsay does something stupid and the circle begins again.
    They really make me sick and I wish they would just drop off the face of the earth.

  8. Peaches

    PS-I If I was a customer at that Ice cream parlor I would lose my appetite. I would never want Lindsay to handle my food in any way what so ever. Gross.

  9. joho777

    This is the second day in a row that Lindsay has come outs in the daytime. And her makeup is (mostly) on straight.

    She must be serious about trying to stop her club-crawling and binge drinking. Well, time will tell.

    She gives me the creeps every time I see her.

  10. While Michael Lohan is no doubt the King of Doucheland and most certainly wrote those tweets himself, I still find it comical that Lindsay says he’s using her “name” and her “status” for money.

    There’s some flawed logic there.

  11. pimp

    my balls would look good in her mouth…

  12. sliceba

    Of course she knows it was him. I remember when she tweeted about Justin timberlake cheating on Jessica biel at a club and then claimed someone hacked her account when the club threatened to ban her. These douchebags are NEVER responsible for their own actions, it’s always the media, Sam ronson, another lohan or a mysterious hacker.

  13. Ranger Rob

    anyone else find it odd that linds is wearing a long sleeve jacket? in spring. in california. cutting again perhaps?

  14. Anonymous

    “My status”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is utterly priceless.

  15. Lindsay is looking hot in those pics!

  16. gotta throw this in…Linds’ grandma thigh in pic 4! Bruised, splotchy, not a hint of muscle. She really looks malnourished.
    Also, that dude looks like a young, very gay John Amos.

  17. Gaylen

    She’s such a crackhead. His account was never hacked, it was an unbelievably bad photoshop.

  18. cc

    If she could solve crimes she’d find out who stole her career. Oh wait, she threw it away! Never mind.

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  20. LinsanityShoehan

    To all my adoring fans -

    This is Lindsay Lohan, the one – the only. No fakers here! Anywho, I like wanted to clear up some rumors that my ex-father as been spreading about me. First, I don’t do Coke. Like, I only accidentally got Coke in my nose once and it wasn’t my fault. Samantha like put Coke in her vagina and I like was helping her check for cervical cancer and some got in my nose. Then like Samantha told the media I was doing Coke! She is such a bitch because she didn’t mention that I was helping her check for cervical cancer! If you don’t believe me you can like ask my sister Ali and my Mom. I check them both for Cervical Cancer like 2 times a week!

    Also, I don’t like have AIDS. If I had AIDS I’d like know! And like I only had unprotected sex with a guy like once and I’d be pregnant if I got AIDS. So, my ex-father is totally lying. I didn’t get pregnant so I didn’t get AIDS plus I would know! Like 2 years ago I was totally hanging out with Jenna Jameson at a club in LA and we were like in the VIP area and Jenna totally checked me for diseases. So, my vagina is clean!!!!! And when I was at Cochella and partying with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt I put a 3 Musketeers Bar in my vagina and Heidi ate it! AND NO it was not some lesbian sex thing! Spencer bet me 10 dollars that I wouldn’t put a candy bar in my Vagina and bet Heidi 10 dollars to eat it. HA HA I made 10 dollars and Heidi told me that my pussayyy was sweet! So, if I had diseases Heidi would have been like OMG Linday you taste like AIDS!

    Oh and like the shiz about me going to rehab is so not funny! I do not need rehab! I am not full of toxins! Like this weekend Ali totally gave me a power enema! So, my colon is clean! Like you guys should try this at home! It is sooo good for you and it gets rid of Acne too! Like you simmer some water – like don’t get it too hot! Then you add an equal amount of vodka because it is anispetic and cleansing! (Hello! That’s why Russians don’t get sick all the time! anispetic vodka!!! Bird Flu was an Asian Flu not a Russian Flu!) Then you lie down and have someone put a funnel in your bum (USE LOTS OF LUBRICATION! I use my SevenNine Tanning Lotion!) Then like your friend pours in the anispetic liquid, takes out the funnel. Next you do like 20 sit-ups and you have to clench your bum the whole time! After the sit ups you can maybe do a couple of jumping jacks. I personally skip the jumping jacks because my body is toned and nice. Then you just go to the potty and you’re clean! I usually take a long nap afterwards because getting clean makes you feel sleepy!

    Also, I do not steal things! So that crap about me taking this guys rolex are so false! I think my ex-father started those rumors! So, like it isn’t my fault that people give me things then they want to get famous like me so they tell the media I stole their stuff. O.k., so – like when I was friends with Paris Hilton she totally gave me her microwave! It was so cute – we were partying at her house and she was like OMG Lindsay I want you to have my microwave! I was like Cool Beans Paris! Then the next day she calls and leaves this bitchy message – Lindsay you stole my microwave! When I called her back and reminded her that she gave it to me that cunt Paris was like Linday that’s not hot. So, I hung up on her. The next day I was reading Tolstoy and my Mom calls and says OMG Lindsay turn on TMZ! There is Paris telling the media that I stole her microwave and there was like all these diamonds in it! See like the joke was on Paris because the diamonds were not in her Microwave! I took them as a joke and they where in her bedroom closet! I was just playing when I took them, but after the cunt went on TMZ. I kept them! I totally had to hire like a lawyer and stuff so, I thought it was fair that I kept them! Now, I never hang out with Paris! She is just cunty mc-cunt cunt.

    So, like I know all of you know that the shiz about the Rolex is false! Like dude totally gave it to me because he said that it would look really awesome on me! I’m experimenting with new looks and I love this new “Guy” Look I created so, he totally agreed with me on the “Guy” Look and gave it too me for my outfit. But like the cops can come look in my house for it. I don’t have it. I was checking Kathy Lee Gifford for cervical cancer like 2 weeks ago and lost it. Kathy Lee said it wasn’t a problem because she will just queef it out later. OMG it is like a total queef suprise! You’re like oopsy! Then you check your panties and find a Rolex. I told Kathy Lee to totally give it to Frank and then she can have like Oppsy Sex! He will bang her hard and maybe give her anal when she gives him a vagina scented Rolex! Like you do know Rolex doesn’t make them with scents! So, like Frank will be checking the time – smell his Rolex and then want to stick his pole in Kathy Lee! I think it is totally awesome! She might walk funny for awhile after he gives her Oopsy Sex, but she usually sits on the Morning Show. So, I think it is o.k. and amazingly awesome for her!

    Love and Kisses your Real Girl and totally awesome person!
    Linds

  21. LinsanityShoehan

    To all my adoring fans -

    This is Lindsay Lohan, the one – the only. No fakers here! Anywho, I like wanted to clear up some rumors that my ex-father as been spreading about me. First, I don’t do Coke. Like, I only accidentally got Coke in my nose once and it wasn’t my fault. Samantha like put Coke in her vagina and I like was helping her check for cervical cancer and some got in my nose. Then like Samantha told the media I was doing Coke! She is such a bitch because she didn’t mention that I was helping her check for cervical cancer! If you don’t believe me you can like ask my sister Ali and my Mom. I check them both for Cervical Cancer like 2 times a week!

    Also, I don’t like have AIDS. If I had AIDS I’d like know! And like I only had unprotected sex with a guy like once and I’d be pregnant if I got AIDS. So, my ex-father is totally lying. I didn’t get pregnant so I didn’t get AIDS plus I would know! Like 2 years ago I was totally hanging out with Jenna Jameson at a club in LA and we were like in the VIP area and Jenna totally checked me for diseases. So, my vagina is clean!!!!! And when I was at Cochella and partying with Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt I put a 3 Musketeers Bar in my vagina and Heidi ate it! AND NO it was not some lesbian sex thing! Spencer bet me 10 dollars that I wouldn’t put a candy bar in my Vagina and bet Heidi 10 dollars to eat it. HA HA I made 10 dollars and Heidi told me that my pussayyy was sweet! So, if I had diseases Heidi would have been like OMG Linday you taste like AIDS!

    Oh and like the shiz about me going to rehab is so not funny! I do not need rehab! I am not full of toxins! Like this weekend Ali totally gave me a power enema! So, my colon is clean! Like you guys should try this at home! It is sooo good for you and it gets rid of Acne too! Like you simmer some water – like don’t get it too hot! Then you add an equal amount of vodka because it is anispetic and cleansing! (Hello! That’s why Russians don’t get sick all the time! anispetic vodka!!! Bird Flu was an Asian Flu not a Russian Flu!) Then you lie down and have someone put a funnel in your bum (USE LOTS OF LUBRICATION! I use my SevenNine Tanning Lotion!) Then like your friend pours in the anispetic liquid, takes out the funnel. Next you do like 20 sit-ups and you have to clench your bum the whole time! After the sit ups you can maybe do a couple of jumping jacks. I personally skip the jumping jacks because my body is toned and nice. Then you just go to the potty and you’re clean! I usually take a long nap afterwards because getting clean makes you feel sleepy!

    Also, I do not steal things! So that crap about me taking this guys rolex are so false! I think my ex-father started those rumors! So, like it isn’t my fault that people give me things then they want to get famous like me so they tell the media I stole their stuff. O.k., so – like when I was friends with Paris Hilton she totally gave me her microwave! It was so cute – we were partying at her house and she was like OMG Lindsay I want you to have my microwave! I was like Cool Beans Paris! Then the next day she calls and leaves this bitchy message – Lindsay you stole my microwave! When I called her back and reminded her that she gave it to me that cunt Paris was like Linday that’s not hot. So, I hung up on her. The next day I was reading Tolstoy and my Mom calls and says OMG Lindsay turn on TMZ! There is Paris telling the media that I stole her microwave and there was like all these diamonds in it! See like the joke was on Paris because the diamonds were not in her Microwave! I took them as a joke and they where in her bedroom closet! I was just playing when I took them, but after the cunt went on TMZ. I kept them! I totally had to hire like a lawyer and stuff so, I thought it was fair that I kept them! Now, I never hang out with Paris! She is just cunty mc-cunt cunt.

    So, like I know all of you know that the shiz about the Rolex is false! Like dude totally gave it to me because he said that it would look really awesome on me! I’m experimenting with new looks and I love this new “Guy” Look I created so, he totally agreed with me on the “Guy” Look and gave it too me for my outfit. But like the cops can come look in my house for it. I don’t have it. I was checking Kathy Lee Gifford for cervical cancer like 2 weeks ago and lost it. Kathy Lee said it wasn’t a problem because she will just queef it out later. OMG it is like a total queef suprise! You’re like oopsy! Then you check your panties and find a Rolex. I told Kathy Lee to totally give it to Frank and then she can have like Oppsy Sex! He will bang her hard and maybe give her anal when she gives him a vagina scented Rolex! Like you do know Rolex doesn’t make them with scents! So, like Frank will be checking the time – smell his Rolex and then want to stick his pole in Kathy Lee! I think it is totally awesome! She might walk funny for awhile after he gives her Oopsy Sex, but she usually sits on the Morning Show. So, I think it is o.k. and amazingly awesome for her!

    Love and Kisses your Real Girl and totally awesome person!
    Linds

  22. Tara Reid

    OMG Linds! You are so right this is so much better than Twitter! We can sooo chat privately without the stupids reading this!

    Girl, I am kinda drunks! You told me that you were coming over to bake cookies! I left the door open! so just come and we can bake up a storm!

    Yo! Like! Randall is here and he’s got all these sprinkles for our cookies! I was laughing that we will give him a sprinkle show! LOL! Shake some magic dust on our love buttons! But you know Randall is gross and he’d like lick it off!

    So, I am playing 1 vodka for your and 10 for me! You have to get over here! OMG! I will so puke if we can’t bake cookies! And I got a new roll of aluminum foil so we can bake up and rock out!

    I’m getting kinda horny thinking about cookies and sprinkles!

    Loves and whatevas
    Taraaaaaaaaaaa THE WILD PONY Reeeeeiiiiiidddddddd

  23. Tara Reid

    OMG Linds! You are so right this is so much better than Twitter! We can sooo chat privately without the stupids reading this!

    Girl, I am kinda drunks! You told me that you were coming over to bake cookies! I left the door open! so just come and we can bake up a storm!

    Yo! Like! Randall is here and he’s got all these sprinkles for our cookies! I was laughing that we will give him a sprinkle show! LOL! Shake some magic dust on our love buttons! But you know Randall is gross and he’d like lick it off!

    So, I am playing 1 vodka for your and 10 for me! You have to get over here! OMG! I will so puke if we can’t bake cookies! And I got a new roll of aluminum foil so we can bake up and rock out!

    I’m getting kinda horny thinking about cookies and sprinkles!

    Loves and whatevas
    Taraaaaaaaaaaa THE WILD PONY Reeeeeiiiiiidddddddd

  24. LindsanityShoehan

    White Gurl!

    I am totally stranded! Ali like took the car! She went out to the Razor Lounge! WTF!!!! I told her about our Cookie Party and she bails?

    Let’s old school this shiz! I left you a can of Room Spray last Cookie Night! Go get a bag and let’s totally spray up!

    Gurl, got my bag and my can! Call me when the unicorns dance!

    OLD SCHOOL ROCKS! Gurl – can you get a ride to crash my place? I’m thinking we freak Ali out tonight. I’m talking all out freak on her!

    Pudding Dreams and a Wet Suprise!
    LL

  25. Tara Reid

    Princess Puppy Love -

    Kick a cunt in the balls! What the FREAK! Is Ali insane? Razor on a Wednesday? I so hope she is with Normals tonight!

    OMG! I added a little bleach to the bag then SPRAY!!!! TOTAL HIGH!!! I am no longer a pony I am a MUSTANG! A Yankee Candle ROOM SPRAY MUSTANG! Ride Tara Reid! If this sticks in my head – I am sooooo blaming you!

    Honey Pot! I am rolling – rolling – rolling! I think I am seeing a Chocolate Starfish and Hotdog Flavored Water! This is a TOTAL MUST DO! This might give Fred some press! Does he still call you too?

    Oh, Randall screwed us over… Like only enough sprinkles for a small cookie party. We’ll have to grab that bitch sister and have her take us to Central.

    Rock and score! I got like 10 bucks, so I am open for the Biz! You need to be the same! What is the ride? 70? I’ll bring the bleach your bring the spray! That way – He-SUSE will look like Jesus and then I think it is fair to scream OMG! Take the sprinkles and run!

    Lemme know! I am in an ASAP mood!

    Plus I am kicking Ali in the Cunt! Fucking bitch ruining our plans!

    XOXO and Summer Beach scented – GET YOU ASS HERE NOW!

  26. LindsanityShoehan

    What are you are meds? Your ass is coming to my ass! Then we can hit up Central and then party.

    We can take care of Ali – Just told her to return here NOW! GET IN THE CAB! NOW! I will not wait for you! Plus, can you drive?

    I swear – when she get’s back we are locking her in the closet! Freak her! No food for a few days – LMAO! She will get the shakes in 24! LMAO!

    OMG IT IS ALMOST FRIDAY! Stay with me Honey Bunch! I have shiz you can wear! OMG! We’ll give Ali Vico-Pudding Cups! SWEAR! She is in the closet the entire weekend after this!

    LMAO – we have to remember that we have to FEED ALI! I swear! We do have to give her food!

    YOU MAKE ME EVIL! Plus go Ride yourself! Reid – RIde. Sooooo, not funny!

  27. I remember when she tweeted about Justin Timberlake Jessica Biel frustrated at the club and then claimed that someone hacked his account of the club threatened to ban her.Randall screwed us … Just enough to sprinkle cookie is a small party. We must seize the dog and her sister should contact the Center.

  28. captain america

    yikes: SHE MOVED TO BLACK FAGGOTS NOW?
    yep, this must be her lest attempt……….

  29. Congratulations on your Oscar Lindsay! You deserve it more than anyone.

    Hooray Lindsay!

  30. Rabbits bounce to the bakery and asked: “Boss, you have 100 small bread ah?” Boss: “ah, I’m sorry, not so many” so ah. . . “White Rabbit sadly away. The next day, the rabbit hopped to the bakery,” Boss, there is no 100 small bread ah? “Boss:” Sorry, still no ah “” ah so. . . “White Rabbit sadly away. On the third day, the rabbit hopped to the bakery,” Boss, there is no 100 small bread ah? “The boss happy, said:” With, with, today we have 100 little bread! ! “White Rabbit pulled out of money:” Great, I bought two! ”

    welcome to my home

  31. bmose

    I’m guessin she HAD to go to an ice cream parlor to get her fix cause she’s a milkaholic.

  32. Fati87

    Gross. She makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t believe people still know who she is.

  33. I really do hope she can get her life in order, because she is still young and she is very talented, she can do more than drinking and alcohol education classes.

  34. m65

    looking good

  35. thanks for the share

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