Lindsay Lohan decided to beat Nicole Richie’s time of 82 minutes and spent 84 minutes behind bars yesterday. Lindsay was convicted in August for DUI and cocaine-possession stemming from an arrest in July. She checked herself into Cirque Lodge rehab facility and was ordered to serve one day in jail before January, according to Reuters:
Lohan was also sentenced to 10 days of community service, three years probation and 18 months of an alcohol-education program.
Jail sentences for minor crimes are often cut short by Los Angeles sheriffs, who manage the county jails, because of overcrowding.
According to my sources, which may or may not be this coffee mug full of gin, Lindsay Lohan managed to form a prison gang during her short stay. Yes, the Fiery V’s ruled that jail with an iron first for a whopping 10 minutes. Then mutiny broke out after their intrepid leader, simply referred to as The Boobed One, had intercourse with everyone’s bitch, five guards and the guy in Cell C that can talk to ducks. It all happened so quickly that Lindsay had plenty of time to figure out what went wrong before she was released. Perhaps she should’ve offered her gang members better benefits or, I dunno, not had all that sex. I guess we’ll never know for sure.
Oprah (aka cowgirl) | November 16, 2007 at 9:33 am
I’m on top again (of the ratings)!
Sris | November 16, 2007 at 9:35 am
My god. She is BUTT UGLY.
DumbAss | November 16, 2007 at 9:38 am
You are on top of my dick (again)
DumbAss | November 16, 2007 at 9:38 am
You are on top of my dick (again)
LEANNE | November 16, 2007 at 9:38 am
THAT’S HOT!!!!!
InstantAsshat-AddFame | November 16, 2007 at 9:38 am
Gin? How about a Guinness? That’s what I’m having.
Eighty-four minutes…not surprising. Sad, but not surprising.
Fiery V | November 16, 2007 at 9:38 am
Who you callin’ bitch Fish? You want some of this?
Jeezy | November 16, 2007 at 9:39 am
What the fuck kind of justice do you people have in the US&A?!?! The war on drugs is a fucking joke. If any average citizen was found drinking and driving AND possession of cocaine, they would be in jail for far longer than 84 fucking minutes. You people need to do something soon… revolution anyone?
Cowgirl waking up to some folgers | November 16, 2007 at 9:43 am
Cirque lodge or Cirque du solei?
Mike | November 16, 2007 at 9:44 am
I’d lob a Multiple Miggs on her.
Mimi | November 16, 2007 at 9:46 am
You are an idiot for writing that stuff.
Sizzurp | November 16, 2007 at 9:46 am
I hate that rich bitch. I hope her fire crotch burst into flames and burns her from head to toe.
gerard Vandenberg | November 16, 2007 at 9:51 am
JESUS CHRIST MAN!! Is it worth talking about 84 minutes? I REPEAT: 84 FUCKING MINUTES!! These are a few minutes longer than when you’ve a hard time inside the restroom with SHITTING or a damn FAGGOT with karl lagerfeld gloves takes you anal!!
This must be at least 84 monthes but after those FUN-years I doubt it if she learnt something………………………..
doomhammer | November 16, 2007 at 9:52 am
I wonder how much monkey she licked in that short stay…
my comment | November 16, 2007 at 9:52 am
She looks like a crack-crazed wombat.
Cowgirl | November 16, 2007 at 9:55 am
She is going to do a lot of community service I bet! Lots of “service”! Stand in line and take a number!
babyglyniss | November 16, 2007 at 9:59 am
go to jail and fellate all the criminals there!
ada | November 16, 2007 at 10:07 am
Lindsay is a cute babe…She was said to have a personal account on a millionaire&celebrity dating club MEETRICH.COM with her hot pictures and blogs there.
DB | November 16, 2007 at 10:07 am
It’s funny because shes a whore.
Classy*Heaux | November 16, 2007 at 10:07 am
That’ll learn her!
Ript1&0 | November 16, 2007 at 10:19 am
I’m high class, I’m a whore (actually both)
Basically I’m a pro
You’ve made me an offer that I can’t refuse
Cause either way I get screwed
Counterproposal I go home and jerk off
buttinsky | November 16, 2007 at 10:24 am
Is that a herpes sore on her upper lip?
Getalifeya'll | November 16, 2007 at 10:33 am
OMG 84 minutes!!! Great news!!!
i loathe lindsay lohan | November 16, 2007 at 10:34 am
she might have gonorrhea, clamydia, spyhilis…all sort of STDs!!!!!!!!
D. Richards | November 16, 2007 at 10:34 am
Someone should have thrown the key away. Left Lohan in solitary for life. Sure, the feces would pile up and the smell would be horrible, but who cares?
FRIST!!! | November 16, 2007 at 10:37 am
Well, at least she is on the straight and narrow now. Good job Lindsay!!!
God, my head hurts..what the HELL?!? Wait, what??? I did NOT write that..
BaconMessiah | November 16, 2007 at 10:41 am
Hottest woman alive eh Maxim? What a fucking joke.
lux | November 16, 2007 at 10:44 am
That is such fucking bullshit. I thought she was gonna do some real time for those stunts…I mean 2 DUI’s, fleeing the scene of an accident, chasing someone in a high speed pursuit while under the influence, walking into a police station with dope in her pocket. Wow…those are some expensive, and good lawyers. Britney should look into hiring her team.
lux | November 16, 2007 at 10:47 am
P.S. I hate her fucking eyebrows. Is it that hard to get them shaped? She looks like a fucking 12 year old…why are the all thick at the ends? She really ought to shave then off and draw them back on with a black eyeliner pencil….that would really set off her trashy look she has going.
kirsten dunst | November 16, 2007 at 10:48 am
i’m so very surprised to hear this, almost as surprised as i am sarcastic.
Jimbo | November 16, 2007 at 10:53 am
WHy did she have to serve so much time?
FRIST!!! | November 16, 2007 at 10:56 am
Oh, you know Jimbo, had to really teach her a lesson and also send a message to the kids that “drugs are bad”..
Jimbo | November 16, 2007 at 11:03 am
FRIST, I sure I don’t get into trouble and have to serve that much time. I wouild go crazy being locked up that long.
How is your head? Maybe you need a drink? It is never to early to start drinking on Friday..
Maybe | November 16, 2007 at 11:14 am
She is SO…FUCKING…UGLY!!!!
FRIST!!! | November 16, 2007 at 11:15 am
Jimbo may have a point.
A thermos of bloody mary for my commute is not sounding like a bad idea right now..
caljenna66 | November 16, 2007 at 11:18 am
What’s happening to the Superficial? Those meetrich people are incredibly annoying and that maxim girl looks like she smells. Oh, and LL, nice try on the mugshot, but you look terrible, wear foundation much?
Jimbo | November 16, 2007 at 11:35 am
FRIST, They have those adult sippy cup so you don’t spil on your drive to work.
WTF? | November 16, 2007 at 11:40 am
any other person would’ve had to STAYED in jail. WTF?
cute slut | November 16, 2007 at 11:48 am
NOT FAIR!!! u guys seriously thing she’s ugly? she’s at least a cute slut:)
Jimbo | November 16, 2007 at 11:49 am
@38 WTF you mean people like Nicole Richie?
Jimbo | November 16, 2007 at 11:54 am
I will go with a cute slut. I don’t think she is ugly
Shallow Val | November 16, 2007 at 12:12 pm
Booooo-RINGGGGGG! Gimme some Corn-toothed-troll Kirsten Dunst dirt.
FRIST!!! | November 16, 2007 at 12:17 pm
Adult sippy cup,eh? But it would be drunk of me to come to work with no spills on my shirt..
shankyouverymuch | November 16, 2007 at 12:34 pm
I’d love nothing more then to spend a whole week with this gorgeous woman, sharing laugh, ideas & intimate thoughts. Going wonderful places & seeing beautiful things, & of course taking a LOT of time just making sweet, sweet love- soft & tender, as well as rough rugged-(think BUTTLOVE), but all in the bounds of sexy playfulness !!! GOOD TIMES MAN, REALLY GOOD TIMES :O) … if ONLY.
raptor_egg | November 16, 2007 at 12:57 pm
She looks like Moe Syzlak!
Danklin24 | November 16, 2007 at 1:12 pm
The Fiery V’s. Haha that was great.
Harry | November 16, 2007 at 1:37 pm
forget the face. she’s got a bangin’ bod.
Ript1&0 | November 16, 2007 at 1:53 pm
@44, Awwww!! That was really sweet! I bet she would totally do it too.
Pilatunes | November 16, 2007 at 3:04 pm
rich or poor, the law is applied equally. hahahahahahah, what a fuckin’ joke. Just wait until she kills someone.
Auntie Kryst | November 16, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Damnit, not nearly long enough of a stay. I was hoping for a good ol’ shanking, either to her or by her. Also Fish, please get rid of those meetrich fucktards, thank you.