Lindsay Lohan returns to her true love. (Besides coke.)

As predicted by pretty much everyone, Lindsay Lohan is using her new single status to go on a non-stop penis parade, according to Page Six:

The faux lesbian has been “a complete and utter wreck” since Ronson broke it off with her two weeks ago, and has been spending time with “a different man every night,” said one concerned friend. Some of the guys include “90210” star Kellan Lutz — who “has been out of town this week, but they are in constant contact,” the friend said — as well as British paparazzo Chris Jepson.
On April 15, Lohan and Jepson were inseparable at a Hollywood Hills house party. According to a spy, they even went into a bathroom together and didn’t come out for quite some time.

As a heterosexual male, I should be excited about this news. Except as a human capable of sight I want someone to throw an axe at my eye. Side boob, thou hast betrayed me.