Lindsay Lohan isn’t leaving Man-Thing

- Lindsay Lohan denies break-up rumors again because, honestly, what else does she have to do? [I’m Not Obsessed]

- Johnny Depp hugs fans in Puerto Rico. In related news, mainland America’s female population decreased by 50% moments ago as boat sales skyrocketed. [Pop Sugar]

- Kate Walsh drinks wine while shopping, and it’s sexy. I down an Olde E in Toys ‘R Us, and it’s “illegal.” No such thing as celebrity justice, huh? [Just Jared]

- Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler break up again. These two are like Romeo & Juliet. Minus the suicide. — Goddammit. [Pink is the New Blog]

- Seth Rogen is hosting SNL this weekend which will undoubteldy test the nation’s aloofness threshold. [Videogum]

- Keira Knightley battles domestic violence with brutal PSA. [Jezebel]

- Mickey Rourke : stray dogs :: Me : one-legged strippers. [Best Week Ever]

- Octo-Mom gets a baby seat thrown through her minivan by vandal. Because that’ll teach her about driving vans in this town! [Radar Online]

- The Osbournes’ new reality show is a flaming pile of shit. Who could’ve predicted that? Not counting the entire Earth’s population including fetuses. [Vulture]

- Heidi Montag has more “music” coming. You know what would be happier news? Scientists discovering a new strand of AIDS. [Allie is Wired]