Lindsay Lohan is suicidal, possible lesbian

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Lindsay Lohan has been spotted with scars on her wrist, suggesting she may have taken up the super healthy habit of cutting herself. Her publicist denies the rumor, though, saying she scraped herself in a fall in some bushes. Which, uh, is the worst excuse I’ve ever heard. She should have said she got into a fight with some street thugs, because randomly falling into bushes is almost as stupid as cutting yourself.

And just cause, here are some shots of Lindsay Lohan kissing fashion designer Donna Karan on the mouth at the Donna Karan Gold Party. Something about their demeanor makes them actually look like lesbian lovers. Although that last shot of Donna Karan petting Lindsay’s hair is a little creepy. I picture her saying: “C’mon baby, I’ll be gentle. Is this your first time? Just relax, baby.” Just like my aunt used to say. Oh, God. *runs off to take a scalding hot shower*