Lindsay Lohan is sober

July 16th, 2007 // 102 Comments

Linsday Lohan officially completed her stay at the Promises rehab facility in Malibu last Friday, and she’s volunteered to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet to prove her sobriety. Her rep released a statement yesterday, saying:

“On Friday, July 13, 2007, Lindsay Lohan successfully completed her 45 days of residential and extended care treatment at Promises. She has transitioned to an intensive outpatient program, which includes attendance at daily AA meetings, outpatient therapy and daily testing. On her own, she has also made the decision in support of her sobriety to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet. In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served.”

Right after getting out, Lindsay headed to Vegas and was seen partying at Pure on Saturday, voluntarily wearing the alcohol monitoring bracelet her rep was talking about. Although since nobody ordered her to wear that thing, I’m not sure who’s checking it. When she gets home it’s probably smoking and sparks are shooting out because she’s overloaded its tracking limit. Then she takes it off, stumbles over to her computer where it’s flashing “Legally Dead” and she lifts her hands in the air and screams, “I’m cured!”

Photos: Splash

  1. How about the chick in pic #12 who seems to have a dinner napkin wrapped around her vagina and ass? I guess she was just classy enough to hand out with the new, sober Lohan.

  2. pic #16, rather.

  3. Hemlock Queen

    See how nice Lohan’s body looks when she’s not on all that coke and booze. Girl has tits again and would have a healthy color if all of that orange spray tan weren’t covering it up. She may turn out to be a respectable actress yet.

    I stress MAY…

    In other news there’s an upskirt shot in pic #2 of the orange dinosaur in the red dress.

  4. maxxjedi

    they all look good sober or not. At least if their drunk you can get in with lines like I’m here to save the day now drop your pants.

  5. 4TH

    She’s gonna get drunk again FAST!!!

  6. Rancid Dead Squirrelman

    “classy enough to HAND out with” … Bern?

    Get your act together if you are going to mock celebrities, Bernard.

    You may, however, have redeemed yourself with a phenomenal boob shot on your website this fine day.

    I would like to continue to see more shoutouts toward yours truly, though.

    Work on that.

  7. Penis Mightier

    I hear there are some leaked nudie pics of Hohan taken by her boyfriend that are about to surface.
    God help us.

  8. Jimbo

    Dayam! Who’s the nearly naked whore (Lindsay’s staring at her vag)? I hate it when they edit out the fisting scenes

  9. wedgeone

    #1 – #2: Not only that, but LiLo seems to like what she’s looking at so much that she had to tell the entire club with a microphone.

    On the inside she’s still screaming “Attention Everyone! Look at me!!”

    #4 – Did you actually read what you wrote before you clicked the “Post Your Comment” button? WTF?

  10. chortle

    unfortunately,she looks waaaayyy too much like her mother, who looks like a 2007 version of Peg Bundy………….

  11. Hemlock Queen

    Hohan has a boyfriend 7? I thought she just had random dudes going through the revolving door in her bedroom.

  12. Intrinsic

    That one pic where her head is tipped back and her nostrils are pointed right at the camera….tell me thats not her trying to show the world shes off the blow.

  13. pearljam

    i wanna jizz all over chest.

  14. p911gt10c

    Fuck Lohan, who’s the tight lil piece of ass in the last pic??

  15. lambman

    she looks hot in these pics,

    keep up the good work Lindsay and soon you’ll have half as good a career as you could have had 2 years ago

  16. wedgeone

    Also, #6 is spot on. Great DMBS Bern, but who did her nose job, Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeon? WTF??
    And who’s the Russian dude posting to your blog? Or was that Hebrew? It all looks the same after seeing cans that large.

  17. Muriel

    You know, I actually believe she didn’t drink—at least for the time being. Red Bull is basically alcohol for alcoholics anyway.

    Let’s see how long it lasts.

  18. michelle

    her dress is hideous

  19. Coco

    oh god that “bracelet”. guaranteed she will spend tomorrow gluing on sequins & sparkles to make it the next must have accessory.
    “ooh this is just what i had to do in rehab except there it was with dried pasta shapes and cheerios, in case i tried to smoke the metallic bits in my crack pipe”

  20. pearljam

    i wanna jizz all over her chest

  21. my comment

    Old and haggard.

    She looks like she could really use a drink.


  22. #16 – no idea who that dude was, wedge. The history on my Site Meter account is bizarre. I get people from the most random places.

    I had a dude from India who would post constantly like 3-4 months ago. I’m pretty sure he had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, but he was like my only commenter for the first month, or so.

  23. GG1000

    I have never seen anyone’s tits change as much as hers do. Of course, most women don’t run around with theirs on public display every day, so I guess that may be part of it…Didn’t they teach her to stay away from temptation at rehab? Straight back to the clubs ain’t the way to do it, sweetheart.

  24. Chauncey Gardner

    Drunk or sober, Lindsay is almost as revolting to me as Natasha Lyonne, who is basically a pile scorpion guts eaten by a lion, partially digested, and vomited onto a compost heap and then arranged into a rough human shape by a blind, deaf monkey with no sense of smell.

  25. MosesGabby

    Great comment GG1000

  26. A Yak With a Raging Erection

    Bern, do you think that TV show is on every day and is always hosted by a monkey?

    God I hope so.

    Agreed on the boobs. Great shot today, Bernie.

    Lohan is gay.

  27. Texas Tranny

    Is she having a home lingerie party? maybe with toys, also?
    LOVE the little black panties up the skirt in pic #2.
    I have an outfit like the chick in the last pic. I make a ton of money when I wear that down to the adult bookstore.

  28. Quinn

    I’m sorry, are these supposed to be pictures from after she got out of rehab? I don’t see any fancy alcohol monitoring bracelets on those wrists. I guess she only wears it when she’s not going out?

  29. Lindsay Lohan wearing an alcohol monitoring bracelet is like Homer Simpson wearing a donut monitoring bracelet. It will last about two seconds before she gnaws off her hand to escape from it.

  30. Bitter But Fuckable

    Lohan is so scuzzy she makes my balls contract.

    She was hot in ‘Mean Girls’, but even then, I’d take Tina Fey over her any day. At least you could count on a conversation afterwards. And she wouldn’t have the DTs.

  31. LL

    Maybe in Recoveryworld, hanging out with drunks in a nightclub helps keep you sober, kinda like a “holy shit, is that what I look like?” sorta thing. Like putting a picture of Rosie O’Donnell on your fridge keeps you from eating… you know where I’m going with this…

  32. Dizzybenny

    the thing in red and black stripe beside her is a man right?
    she sure hangs out with ugly chicks so she looks the best.
    last week the DJ this week that thing.
    has i write this i’m thinking of the male gigolo movie when he goes out with the tall woman on the street and people scream different names.
    freak…that’s a huge bitch and so on.
    anywho she does have an amazing rack of lamb.:P

  33. veggie

    Or putting a picture of Rosie O’Donnell on your hot-but-straight roomate’s babydoll nightie keeps you from eating…her.

  34. Lohan has one freckle for every time she’s performed oral sex…count ‘em!

  35. veggi

    @33. Hey dumbfuck.

  36. CalJacFra

    I know a few things about alcoholism and AA.

    First, you are supposed to stay away from temptation. So the last place a recovering alcoholic should be is in a bar.

    Second, Muriel(#17) is right. AA suggests you stay away from the Red Bull, it in itself is addictive and provides a ‘buzz’.

    Thirdly, a rehab center like Promises is for show only. Anyone serious about their recovery would lock themselves up somewhere like Betty Ford.

    Lindsay Lohan makes a mockery of the whole recovery system and those who really try to get straight.

  37. lepat

    Man, look at her skin. Four words: Will not age well.

  38. intransfer

    FINALLY she ditches all those tacky f*ing bracelts.

  39. rebelmc

    Is she actually wearing an alcohol monitoring device in these pictures? If you google the term you’ll see they’re actually pretty chunky things – eg see for examples.

    She’s not wearing anything of the kind here.

  40. Her tits are looking GREAT.

  41. Jimbo

    i want to lick her bunghole.

  42. Mile

    Do they make an alcohol finding bracelet thing that guys can use to find girls that have been drinking?

  43. Jimbo

    She’s probably already converted the alcohol bracelet to a cock ring. I’m guessing it only fits black guys

  44. ann

    isn’t the girl she’s with that fake socialite who was arrested for check fraud?

  45. Uncalled For

    #42 – just ask them if they think you’re attractive. if they say “yes” then they’ve been drinking.

  46. Hollywood Agent

    It’s nice to see her out and about again. I wish the Geeks would make the alcohol monitoring bracelet a little more attractive. It looks like it might electrocute her if she drops a drink on it.

  47. mr ed

    She is hanging out with the horse faced beast seen in pic 5 so that she looks better by comparison. Put an ok looking girl next to a monster and she shines. I really can’t tell if horse face is male or female.

  48. Bugman4045

    Who is the tranny in the red dress?

  49. Sara

    She looks like she’s about 58 years old in that first pictures. Not flattering.
    Although yes, her boobs look good. Good plastic surgery will do that.

  50. HerpesHilton

    Further proof that years of intense partying will make you look old before your time. Not like it matters, since she will be dead soon I’m sure. She’s got as much chance of staying sober as I do.

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