Lindsay Lohan is cured, everybody

May 17th, 2010 // 61 Comments

Of sobriety and whatever you call it when your pryo-crotch isn’t jutting out.

Seen here drunk off her ass in Cannes last night, Lindsay Lohan gave an interview before heading to France (after the jump) where she literally believes she’s not going to jail and will complete her remaining alcohol classes in time because, obviously, there’s not even a drinking problem to begin with. Via TMZ:

Lohan, who is clearly living in the world of denial, says she needs a few more weeks to fully complete her traffic school obligations.
The judge has made it clear — Thursday is D-day, and if she is in violation of probation LiLo is going to jail. And, if Lindsay is shy of 13 on Thursday, the judge will almost certainly issue a warrant for her arrest if she doesn’t show up for court.

What I love most about Lindsay Lohan is she’s never sober enough to realize there’s eight billion pictures of her getting shitfaced at any given moment, yet she spends her few lucid moments telling the paparazzi she’s cleaned up her act. I’m sure they just smile and nod then wait no more than five minutes for her to hump a fire hydrant. “I’m on top of my game now, gentleman. They’re gonna put me back in the movies. Now give it me to you watery, red bitch! *throws up* Mm, yeah, you like that.”

superficial

  1. Ash Frog

    First!!

  2. mike

    her boobs look saggy. wonder if they are pickled from all of the alcohol

  3. sunnirae

    Oi. She really hit the deck didn’t she!? Once upon a time people took her seriously…

  4. frankw

    She looks great for 39.

  5. Ian

    Damn, this shit is just getting sad. Mock all you want but there’s a real girl here, with real tits and a real ass (maybe). And she’s too wasted to even show off those assets in an exploitative glossy men’s magazine photo shoot.

    It’s just heartbreaking.

  6. Anonymous

    Circling the drain…….

  7. Ted

    Every time Lindsay lies, her belly button moves just a little bit higher.

  8. timber

    Hahaha. “What I love most about Lindsay Lohan is she’s never sober enough to realize there’s eight billion pictures of her getting shitfaced at any given moment, yet she spends her few lucid moments telling the paparazzi she’s cleaned up her act.”

    That is The Superficial gold. Good job.

  9. THE TRUTH

    That is the look! When girls look like that its time to take them home guys.

  10. Osmosis

    She’s not only looking less than best herself from all this partying, but she’s totally worked over Paris Hilton too, as seen in special picture Index #15 (yellow dress).

    ;) Friends: don’t let your friends make you look like some other person, except all messed up.

  11. tony romo

    nice Snatch on “Pic #14″

  12. DMR

    I don’t think she’s drunk. These are a bunch of out-of-context stills. She’s sort of dismissing people on this site and others who are “haters” in that video where she does not appear to be under the influence of any substances. She’s in compliance with her court mandates, to say she’s going to jail is ridiculous, she probably won’t even have to show up to court on Thursday. She’s doing OK, has a small part in a movie coming out in Sep, just released pics of her and her sister modeling her line which is expanding and sold in stores like Nieman Marcus, is in Cannes to announce a new movie (what parties she may or may not attend is her business while there), and has had several tracks from an upcoming CD leaked out on the net to enough favorable responses for it to matter. She’s not skinny like she was last year. So all this talk is much to do about nothing. She seems OK to me.

  13. Taz

    nice up skirt pic #13

  14. Steve

    Last I checked, Cannes was in France.

  15. e

    she should maybe stay in france until the judge dies of old age.

  16. Armando

    Gotta wonder with her constant state of fucked up if she ever finds herself ass up, sore and naked in the morning without a clue

  17. BettyNuggs

    DMR- Dina, is that you?

  18. ginger

    her liver will explode tomorrow.

  19. havoc

    There’s a reason she’s made every celebrity death list for 2010…..

    Waste of some good freckled snatch.

    .

  20. nedbert

    Elvira needs a botox touch-up. She’s got that angry brow thing going. And why does she ALWAYS have a scab somewhere on her? is she six?

  21. schwizz

    Spin only goes so far. She’s trying to take care of her own publicity by lying through her teeth to the camera, and she’s not convincing. She’s lost touch with her body language, not to mention reality.

    @ 12 – UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. go tell it on a mountain. Only people in SoCal could possibly buy into anything you’ve just said.

  22. she MP von masoch

    my god she’s looking so much hotter now that she’s got a extra few pounds on her…daaaang….

  23. a friend

    it is obvious that lindsay is a victim here. people druggeed her and then basically fed her to that lesbian ronson, just for our amusement. haha. now she’s finally breaking free and it’s amazing to watch her emerge like a butterfly. she looks like an ANGEL of god in that first picture. you’d be tired too if you were forced to have gay sex for entertainment. i should know. she is an (tired) angel of hope to every victim of this pathetic world. LINDSAY, WE LOVE YOU. STAY STRONG.

  24. Tek

    LMFAO @12. That HAS to be Dina. Who else on the planet can be in such denial? BTW that first pic is classic. If nothing else Lindsay is great for a laugh.

  25. Tek

    and #23 is definitely Ali.

  26. Marcus

    How come there’s no gangbang pics of her ??

  27. lori

    I couldn’t watch the video. It is too sad. Get help, please, Lindsay. An alcoholic can only end up locked up, covered up, or sobered up.

  28. turd da third

    In pict 26 her twat looks sopping wet, judging by the size of the stain in her panties. Maybe the bitch just pissed herself,, wuz too dunk to pull them down before she sat on the turlet. A class act she is not..

  29. OMG LINDSAY JUST FUCKING STOPPPPPP-P-P-P-P-P-P-P-P ALREADY

    GOOD GOD, GET A CLUE!

  30. abc

    Nice straw.

  31. d morgan

    tek #25 – ugly,short,fat,lazy,high school dropout,mad.
    Supermodel Ali – beautiful,busy,tall,talented,wealthy,happy.

  32. class act she is not..

  33. KumaTenshi

    Can’t wait until she gets thrown in jail. Just throw her in already dammit!!!!

  34. This is really interesting.

  35. Tek

    @31 – 5’11, 180 lbs, got a job, and got my GED. If you want to talk about being a high school dropout, you should learn how to type first.

  36. Well if I remember right the KODE5 qualifiers are in like a week. We’re definately not going to be a part of that one : ). As for the others, WCG does their own thing with coverage.ESWC if I’m reading right hasn’t even finalized details towards having a USA stop yet, so at the very least that needs to get done first before anybody can start to think about that, unless they’ve got an inside contact, which we don’t

  37. Hey, this shit is just sad. Fake all you want but there is a real girl real tits and a real asshole here (probably) with. And that to stop a glossy men’s magazine photo shoots Vampires show those assets is wasted.

  38. captain america

    I’m sorry: THIS WOMAN JUST CAN’T BE, folks!!

  39. Camilla

    what’s wrong with her face?

  40. Burt

    So, she thinks she’s got two weeks to complete her court-ordered classes but she’s only got until Thurday, and then goes off to Cannes? If that’s true, she may be consciously or subconsciously sabotaging her life and career.

  41. Burt

    So, she thinks she’s got two weeks to complete her court-ordered classes but she’s only got until Thursday, and then goes off to Cannes? If that’s true, she may be consciously or subconsciously sabotaging her life and career.

  42. woif

    Shje should not wear panties! Really!

  43. come on.. is she ever going to get it together.. jeez!

  44. Kjizzy

    Anyone notice she’s carrying around a straw like it’s some prized possession? And ducking behind a chair to hide with it?

  45. Danklin24

    Notice the constant worried look on her face like she knows she’s going to jail just for being there instead of at her classes. She knows she’s up a shit creek and judge Wapner has the paddle.

  46. @ 43 – She’s wrecked. Mystery works in her favor. I appreciate her covering up.

  47. I like her a variety of presentations.

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