Lindsay Lohan is cured, everybody

Of sobriety and whatever you call it when your pryo-crotch isn’t jutting out.

Seen here drunk off her ass in Cannes last night, Lindsay Lohan gave an interview before heading to France (after the jump) where she literally believes she’s not going to jail and will complete her remaining alcohol classes in time because, obviously, there’s not even a drinking problem to begin with. Via TMZ:

Lohan, who is clearly living in the world of denial, says she needs a few more weeks to fully complete her traffic school obligations.
The judge has made it clear — Thursday is D-day, and if she is in violation of probation LiLo is going to jail. And, if Lindsay is shy of 13 on Thursday, the judge will almost certainly issue a warrant for her arrest if she doesn’t show up for court.

What I love most about Lindsay Lohan is she’s never sober enough to realize there’s eight billion pictures of her getting shitfaced at any given moment, yet she spends her few lucid moments telling the paparazzi she’s cleaned up her act. I’m sure they just smile and nod then wait no more than five minutes for her to hump a fire hydrant. “I’m on top of my game now, gentleman. They’re gonna put me back in the movies. Now give it me to you watery, red bitch! *throws up* Mm, yeah, you like that.”