Lindsay Lohan is cleaning toilets

August 13th, 2007 // 79 Comments

There was some speculation as to whether or not Lindsay Lohan was actually in rehab, but a fellow patient named Jane P. has confirmed to The Insider that Lindsay Lohan did check into the Cirque Lodge rehab facility in Utah. According to the source, Lindsay is amongst twelve patients (six men and six women) and in order to maintain her privacy, all of the patients’ phone calls are being monitored and their use of the computer has been suspended. And in case you’re curious, this is what Lindsay’s daily schedule is like in the Mormon-run center:

6 AM Wake up call
6:30 AM River hike, followed by a brief meditation
8:00 AM Breakfast is served
8:30 AM Free time — like other residents, Lindsay is assigned cleaning duties — including cleaning her room and her toilet.
9:00 AM Community meeting to discuss what will go on that day.
10:00 AM Speaker meeting
12:00 PM Lunch is served
1:00 PM – 4:00 PM Process group/workshops/experiential time — where patients participate in any of the following activities including horseback riding or gardening — which Lindsay did on Tuesday. Spa treatments like massages and pedicures are also available from estheticians-in-training.
5:30 PM Dinner time
6:30 PM Assignment group/recovery work
8:00 PM 12-Step meeting (on or off-site)
9:30 PM Closing meeting — assessment of the day
10:00 PM – 11:00 PM Free time
11:00 PM Lights out

Lindsay actually has to clean her own toilet? This place seems to take rehab way more seriously than Promises. Which isn’t saying much, since I’ve been to circuses that take rehab more seriously than Promises. Judging by the number of people they’ve actually helped, they could turn themselves into a bar and I don’t think anybody would notice.


  1. Robin

    6 AM Wake up call?!?!
    Ridiculous. So they make everybody go into a routine which is absolutely not normal in the real world. Stupid rehab. Why can’t they just have normal routines? So people can actually have a chance to keep it up when back in day-to-day life.

  2. justifiable

    #51 Yeah, it’s just inhuman and abnormal to make her get up that early – most movie sets let you show up after lunch. Tough break, but in prison I hear they let you sleep ’til noon!

  3. LOL@ rehab. What a waste of time when you’re having a grand ol time being a coke whore. Maybe she’ll do everyone a favor and just fucking OD the next time.

  4. Big Mama

    Lindsay bring disaster to wherever she goes. Look, the Utah mining disaster happened when she went to Utah for treatment. This is all a sign. I think she exists in a disaster vortex.

  5. douglas

    11:15 pm Masterbating
    11:20 pm Getting cought masterbating by roomate
    11:25 pm Her and her roomate having lesbian sex
    11:26 pm Me masterbating while thinking about it.

  6. Shame. I just watched Mean Girls, and she really did used to be pretty cute.

  7. lucky7

    11:26:15 pm You cleaning up after splooging all over your adult diaper
    11:26:20 pm Your mom walking in on you cleaning up spooge with your shriveled cock hanging out of your pants.

  8. Ted from LA

    You all know religion is the last refuge for a scoundrel, right? Man has created many great religions to keep poor people from killing rich people… period. Anyone who disagrees with this post is either rich or a simpleton. If you have accepted Jesus as your personal savior you are a dumb fuck. If you try to live your life like the fictional character “Jesus”, more power to you. If God has ever talked to you, you are a lunatic… get treatment. If you believe one word of the bible as “fact” you are once again a dumb fuck. I don’t believe a word about what I read about the details of yesterday’s news, much less “news” from over 2000 years ago. A bleee, a bleeeee, a bleee, that’s all folks..

  9. Lexoka

    You’re all missing the point, here:

    “5:30 PM Dinner time”

    Dinner at 5:30 PM?!?! What the fuck is that?

  10. Thirsty Milkman

    So she’s cleaning toilets? This isn’t a big deal, considering she has probably had drunk guys piss in her mouth while blowing them.

  11. my comment

    Sounds like a spa to me.

    Soon she’ll be out, coked up and drunk in crashing into a car near you. Mark my words, people.

  12. Chauncey Gardner


    >>Are you stating that all the persecution that our church members suffered is negated by the wrongful acts of a few?>>

    Not negated – what happened to early Mormons was just as wrong as the violence perpetrated on those emigrants at Mountain Meadows. But I have a very hard time feeling sympathy for ANY faith that can inspire its followers to take up arms, for any reason. Did you or any of the other 12,999,999 personally have anything to do with Mountain Meadows? Obviously not. But, you embrace a faith that once embraced blood vengeance, and revere a leader (Young) who was an out-and-out racist, going so far as to say that blacks are the direct decendents of Cain. There’s something fundamentally fucked about all of that, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It amazes me that anybody can look at these un-Christian doctrines, and that massacre, and still stand up and say, “Yes, this is wonderful, I want to be a part of this.”

  13. David


    You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but your statement that our faith embraced blood vengeance is incorrect. The crimes committed at Mountain Meadows were in direct contradiction to church doctrine and direction from Brigham Young. Faith did not inspire anyone to commit crime, rather the pain of persecution. Christ’s doctrine is to love God and love your neighbor. Clearly, those involved failed in keeping these commandments.

    Just as you are amazed than anybody can “look at these un-Christian doctrines” and still be a part of it, I am amazed that anybody can look at the actions of a few, actions that were clearly wrong and contrary to church teachings, and pass judgement upon the church. Do you equally condemn every other religion for the crimes of it’s members? I believe we can look at any prison, at any time in history, and find members of every religion there. The crimes a person commits speaks only to their own behavior. We are all given the freedom of choice, a precious gift from God. Exercising poor judgement, and making bad decisions, does not reflect poorly upon God’s doctrines, but instead reflects poorly upon those who profess to follow it. Don’t you find it amazing that all Catholics, Baptists, Jews, Muslims, Lutherans, etc, are not condemned by the actions of a few of it’s members? Then why is the LDS church and it’s members and it’s teachings condemned differently?

    As for Cain, he was clearly marked by the Lord for his sins, as is stated in Genesis 4. What this marking was is open for interpretation, as it is not clearly stated in scripture. We believe in ongoing revelation, through our prophets, from the Lord. You are free to believe or disbelieve that revelation, but whether anyone believes something or not does not make it true or false. The truth of any doctrine can be had from God, if we sincerely ask him. Matthew 7:7 states this clearly. So, on any question of doctrine, you may want to consider studying it, then asking God about it. This process is one of the basic tenets of our church, that each individual must find out for themselves the truth of God’s will. God does not want or expect us to blindly follow anyone, but instead to study, learn, pray and exercise faith that we may have in our own soul the convictions of His doctrines.

  14. Tommy

    But what religion has not at one point embraced Violence or Scrutiny? Christians were massacred in Rome, Protestants burned for “spreading lies,” while causing millions of deaths in the Crusades, Spanish Inquisition, Salem Witch trials and so much more.

    I do believe a strict Mormon or any regiment is what Lohan needs, but religion in itself causes jealousy, hate and violence in all it’s extreme forms.

  15. Goodman

    Man we really need to lay off she might be making headway which will leave us with our foot in our mouths

  16. Carrie

    Did you know Lindsey is the cover girl for Maxim’s new issue?

  17. sad fan

    Thank you for that incredibly boring post. What the hell has happened to The Superficial? Get some new writers.

  18. Paraline

    I cannot believe that ANYONE who spends their time reading and commenting on The Superficial, thinks that they are qualified to throw religious doctrine in people’s faces. Take a religion class, or go to a fucking debate. But really? On a Superficial message board. Get a life.

  19. Annie Rexia

    I geuss the drugs and alchohol won’t kill Linds after all. Bummer. Oh, number 63? What is your doctrine on blacks and how they got to be that way? I’m sure the african American readers would LOVE to hear that. What color is your magic underwear?

  20. Annie Rexia

    Oh, I’ll answer for 63. Mormons believe Black skin was a curse for not following Jesus when it was decided to populate the earth. Have no ideas on the magic underwear. You have to be a registered mormon to buy it. The next time you have a chance to ask Mitt a question, make it about his magic underwear!

  21. ksb

    You guys on this site are absolutely hilarious! it sounds like none of you know anything about “mormons” unless you are one. you can’t even tell “mormons” from regular people. its not a race of people, it’s a religion. i love fashion, wear makeup, swear sometimes like everyone else. by the way…. we don’t have multiple wives. they did in the old days, and some crazy people decided it was the way of life and broke off from the church. we don’t associate ourselves in any way with the polygamists. they have their own set of beliefs that we don’t practice thank you very much. no, we don’t have horns either. gladys knight is a mormon. she doesn’t look any different now, does she…. and you other lds members on the website, why are you offering these huge explanations of doctorine? These people don’t want to be preached and preached too. Just simple explanations. No one likes to be preached to. Like i say… simple explanations. And also, you other people judging religions…. you simple-minded fools… i pity you :(

  22. Bugman4045

    You are so right ksb!!
    We should never judge any religion! If the Koran says to kill all non-believers, who are we to say that is wrong. If the Bible states that it probably would be a good idea to kill homosexuals, how dare we use any critical judgement skills to examine that doctrine. If Brigham Young says that black people are descendents of Cain, we are the pitiful ones for criticizing daring to judge the religion as being false. You speak the truth ksb! Keep it up!

  23. come on now...

    its a little ironic that they’d be like “hey clean your own toilet, then come downstairs for a rock massage and private meditation sessions and gourmet meals and yoga hour.” let’s be real, bitch aint cleaning her own toilet.

  24. Gift of the magi undie-roos

    What about the magic underwear? Can u poop in them. I think I’ll ask one of those black tie wearin’, bike ridin’ closet case retards about it. Why do they always have to wear white shirts?

  25. 74

    brown shirts would be more fittin’.

  26. 75

    tee hee

  27. 71

    Actually, Glady’s Knight is black. So yeah, she kinda does.

    Yeah. I went there.

  28. Lynne Anderson

    I’ve been waiting for a long time for someone to comment on how bad Promises fails at being a rehab facility. Finally, some one else does.

    Maybe they started out okay, then celebs got in there and screwed their reputation…


    I’m not a Mormon, but some of you have got to get real and actually embrace tolerance at least once in your fucking lives, before I come over there and bash your skulls in. And that goes double for you TED. Your ignorance is unbounded, today and every day. God us dead, we all get it. We get it.

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