Lindsay Lohan is cleaning toilets

August 13th, 2007 // 79 Comments
lindsay-lohan-pregnant.jpg

There was some speculation as to whether or not Lindsay Lohan was actually in rehab, but a fellow patient named Jane P. has confirmed to The Insider that Lindsay Lohan did check into the Cirque Lodge rehab facility in Utah. According to the source, Lindsay is amongst twelve patients (six men and six women) and in order to maintain her privacy, all of the patients’ phone calls are being monitored and their use of the computer has been suspended. And in case you’re curious, this is what Lindsay’s daily schedule is like in the Mormon-run center:

6 AM Wake up call
6:30 AM River hike, followed by a brief meditation
8:00 AM Breakfast is served
8:30 AM Free time — like other residents, Lindsay is assigned cleaning duties — including cleaning her room and her toilet.
9:00 AM Community meeting to discuss what will go on that day.
10:00 AM Speaker meeting
12:00 PM Lunch is served
1:00 PM – 4:00 PM Process group/workshops/experiential time — where patients participate in any of the following activities including horseback riding or gardening — which Lindsay did on Tuesday. Spa treatments like massages and pedicures are also available from estheticians-in-training.
5:30 PM Dinner time
6:30 PM Assignment group/recovery work
8:00 PM 12-Step meeting (on or off-site)
9:30 PM Closing meeting — assessment of the day
10:00 PM – 11:00 PM Free time
11:00 PM Lights out

Lindsay actually has to clean her own toilet? This place seems to take rehab way more seriously than Promises. Which isn’t saying much, since I’ve been to circuses that take rehab more seriously than Promises. Judging by the number of people they’ve actually helped, they could turn themselves into a bar and I don’t think anybody would notice.

superficial

  1. Pearlbeer

    first

  2. Meriu

    This is exactly what she needs. Mormons don’t fuck around.

  3. Victor

    FRIST why you mad?

  4. Deep Thought

    But…her toilet is us.

  5. Splooge

    With a name like Cirque Lodge I think she assumed they would be learning how to juggle or spin plates or fly on a trapeze. You know Cirque type stuff. Imagine her disappointment when she found out she’d be cleaning toilets instead of tight rope walking or something.

  6. TY

    Her career is in the toilet…. she might aswell be cleaning them.

  7. HoboChic

    wtf? horseback riding and gardening treat addiction? how about “don’t effing drink or take drugs you stupid, skank!” and swift kick in her stupid, spoiled ass. i am so tired of these girls, i can’t effing see straight and more coddling is exactly what these stupid bitches don’t need. that’s what got them in trouble in the first place.

  8. justifiable

    So let me get this straight – they cut 7 hours out of the day to work on recovery – and during 3 of those you can goof off – go riding, garden or get a pedicure or a massage. That leaves 4 hours to work on why you’re so fucked up on coke and booze you rack up DUIs like a pinball score and then deny anyone was at risk while you were behind the wheel.

    I predict she gets a third DUI no less than 5 days after leaving this hardass facility.

    P.S. No internet because of Lindsay? Why not, they had to rip out the bar at Promises because of her. Tsk, tragedy just follows her wherever she goes.

  9. staffer

    Sure, the program looks good, but she’s still getting high. The first day she was assigned to clean toilets and an hour later she was babbling about the “yummy bean soup in the porcelain tureen.” Shortest straw had to clean her up.

  10. That place is run by morons? No wonder they let her in!

    Oh, MORMONS!!! Hey wait! How could they let HER in?!?!?

  11. Well, it’s lunchtime…mmmmm….think I’ll get some soup…

    Bye!!!

  12. anonymous source

    About the horseback riding…one time a guy at the facility said to me “Hey, you gotta come and check it out, Lindsay’s fucking a horse.” And, you know, you go, because it’s Lindsay fucking a horse. And you get there and you’re thinking, “Oh, Lindsay’s fucking a horse” but it’s not as great as you thought it would be. It’s kinda gross. I mean, it was really giving it to her. To be honest, after awhile we all just felt bad for her. I kinda felt bad for the horse.

  13. justifiable

    #10 Because her money is green.

  14. Hey, Lindsay. When you’re finished can you come over to my apartment? My toilet needs cleaning, too.

  15. woodhorse

    I don’t know. That hot mess Robert Downey Jr. cleaned up and his antics were more fun that Britney’s meltdowns. I don’t see it happening for Lindsay because she doesn’t even try for 24 hours but I hope I’m wrong because she is really beautiful. I would like to see her be a movie star.

  16. Ted from LA

    All this talk about soup reminds me of the time my grandfather was in the retirement home. Some crazy old lady would come in his room, pull up her dress (she had no underware on) and yell, “super pussy.” She did this about four times and finally my grandpa said, “I’ll have the soup.”

  17. wedgeone

    #8 – Care to wager on that because I’m predicting DUI #3 within 5 days, unless she gets immediately incarcerated upon leaving rehab.

    If she’s free and on her own, then she’s drunk and high.

  18. ipanemagirl

    hey bite me! he got my pics!! but we don’t write to each other anymore. if it’s that what you’d like to know.

  19. michelle

    i hope she gets the help she needs… but do i think she’ll change her ways? fuck no.

  20. justifiable

    #18 Side wager that she fucks up in rehab? Just wait, she’ll claim the black guy was driving the horse.

  21. Bugman4045

    She will need some humility if she ever hopes to stay sober. I wish her the best (not really) but, I don’t see her getting sober anytime soon.

    Oh, BTW over at http://www.rottentomatoes.com Lindsay’s movie has received a total 3 positive reviews (out of 56 total), putting this movie on track to be voted worst of 2007. YaY LINDSAY!!

  22. @20 That is to bad. How are you doing? Did you get a pic of him?

  23. herbiefrog

    morons…mormons…

    not the best idea for
    psycological calm

    i.e. we are the lost tribe of isreal
    and we found some stuff that means we
    can have multiple wives
    and abuse our kids if we want to

    cant quite remember if that’s the morons
    …or the mormons

    still…

    not the sort of place we’d wanna
    fall asleep

    babe : ) ?

  24. justtheobvious

    I’ve got 6 toilets at home she can clean, she isn’t good for much else. Probably snort the ajax too.

  25. lambman

    good for her, at least this time they sent her to real rehab.

    And yeah, it seems like a lot of “goofing off” time, but you gotta remember it’s goofing off time surrounded by drug addicts and counselors and what not….its not like Promises where apparently they have 3 hours of shoping scheduled every day

  26. goa

    It is a lovely thought but there is no way in hell that bitch actually cleans the toilet.

  27. George

    I hope they make her wear weird Mormon underwear and drink a lot of Sprite.

    I think they’ll also try to brainwash her into joining their cult, and if she doesn’t then they will send over the Avenging Angels which are strong men that they send over to your house to check on you and make sure you follow the Mormon way.

    I hope she likes being a Mormon since they use all of their women for breeding purposes to make more Mormons, and that is why each Mormon man is allowed to have multiple wives, its all about procreating more Mormons.

  28. Hecubus

    This seems fair, I mean this IS the same sentence a working class black woman would get for carjacking and chasing people while drunk and high on coke isn’t it ???

  29. Chris

    But when is happy hour?

  30. Chauncey Gardner

    I love that picture. It makes her look exactly like the crazed supervillain she has become. I can just see her throwing pumpkin bombs at school kids or shooting a cop with an umbrella gun.

  31. ipanemagirl

    hi bite me! I’m doing fine. and you? are you jimbo?

  32. Lindsay Lohan's Brain On Drugs

    #29 You’re an idiot.

  33. akay

    I love that they get pedicures from aestheticians in training.

  34. David

    The Cirque Lodge is not run by “Mormons” and is not affiliated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The term Mormon is a nickname for members of the LDS church. And no, the church is not a cult. Please don’t insult someone else’s religion unless you would like your insulted.

  35. Bugman4045

    David….STFU.
    You are on the wrong board to defend LDS. Your religion cannot stand serious scrutiny, and you know it. I will not defend any other religion to you, but your’s, my dear, is kookoo for krazy pops. Not as crazy as Scientology, but more crazy than Catholism.

  36. Elliot

    Sounds like it totally sucks. Maybe she will commit suicide!

  37. David

    Bugman4045,

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion, including you and me. My religion has withstood the most intense scrutiny imaginable since it’s inception, yet is still one of the fastest growing in the world. There are now over 13,000,000 members.

    Early members were routinely murdered and driven from their homes. The governor of Missouri, Lilburn Boggs, issued an extermination order making it legal to kill any member of the church who refused to leave the state. There are countless other examples of horrid treatment of our members over the years. No one else seems to have this problem except the Jews.

    You’re welcome to view my religion as crazy, I really don’t care. However, the points of my comment were to: clarify a false statement that the rehab facility was associated with the church; state that “Mormon” is not the name of the church; and that the church is not a cult. Actually, according to Webster’s dictionary, any church could be described as a cult (http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/cult) depending on a person’s point of view. So, I would say that either all church’s are cults, or none are.

    Defending the church is not my intention here, nor do I feel that the church needs to be defended. Our views are well known and open to anyone who cares to find out.

  38. ssdd

    Nothing new here either.. unless we have some news that this bitch had an overdose.

    Wow..what a picture… and still I wonder……………………….~maxim… just what The Fuck……………………….

  39. grobpilot

    Looks like she’s trying to squeeze out a massive Cleveland Steamer into that nice, shiny commode

  40. Mama Pinkus

    Having to clean one’s own toilet is a great reality check. All joking aside, I wish Ms. Lohan well – alcoholism is a hideous disease I would not wish on anyone.

  41. Chauncey Gardner

    #39,

    If you guys have been persecuted so unfairly over the years, explain Mountain Meadows. Or, does does the church not need to defend itself for that one?

  42. Matthew

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA JUSTICE is served with the hand of fate

  43. Faggot

    You will not……not!……NOT……….NOT!!!! make it Lindsay!

  44. cookie monsta

    how humbling for an idiot of this magnitude to have to clean her own frikken turlet. what a lesson in reality. after all, she’s the one puking her morning sickness into it every morning, and floating her silly brown cigars down it, why the hell shouldn’t she clean it??

    hey #34, wot’s the prob with comment #29? i found it quite amusing!

  45. David

    #43,

    Being persecuted does not justify the events that occurred at Mountain Meadows. Please see this link for more information about the church position on this.
    http://www.lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menuitem.b12f9d18fae655bb69095bd3e44916a0/?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=1c234dc029133110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&locale=0

    Or, if this doesn’t work, simply go to http://www.lds.org and search on Mountain Meadows.

    Are you stating that all the persecution that our church members suffered is negated by the wrongful acts of a few?

  46. TR

    I bet she leaves huge coke skidmarks on the side of the toilet; it’s only fair she scrub it down.

  47. Hulio Whiles

    43. Chauncey Gardner – August 13, 2007 6:23 PM

    #39,

    If you guys have been persecuted so unfairly over the years, explain Mountain Meadows. Or, does does the church not need to defend itself for that one?

    I can´t speak for the church, but I, like you, was taken aback by the violence that I heard occurred at that massacre.

    I researched it, and what I gathered was that a group of Mormons came upon a boistrous group of hooligan-types who had banded together after being part of the lynch mob that murdered Joseph Smith when he was imprisoned.

    Apparently, Mr. Smith died on his feet, with guns (smuggled into the prison) blazing. He was able to kill two of the attackers, reputedly.

    When the Mormons encountered the other group, rumors abounded that the other group had started preying on travelers, robbing them on the “highways” of that era.

    So, they had to be taken out.

    As far as Lilo is concerned, it was bad that she couldn´t get the treatment she needed at Promises; I´m sure that their reputation has taken a dip after her snaffoo.

    The Mormons seem to emphasize self-sufficiency, so probably working on getting up out of, and off, the drug addiction – treatment – drug addiction treadmill fits in with that. They´ll be good to her, but she will be expected to make measurable progress in her treatment.

  48. David

    #49,

    The Mountain Meadows violence (1857) was not connected to the murder of Joseph Smith, which occurred several years before in 1844. Mr. Smith did not die on his feet with guns blazing. He, and the other 3 in the room with him, were unarmed. Joseph was shot by rifles shoved through the door and by those firing from below through the window. He fell out of the second floor window as a result of being shot. His brother was also killed and one of the other 2 was wounded but survived. No one in the mob was killed, identified or prosecuted.

    As for the group of immigrants at Mountain Meadows, they seemed to be innocent travelers who were unjustly attacked and murdered by members of our church. Their actions were completely wrong and in no way justifiable.

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