Lindsay Lohan: ‘I don’t drink, do drugs or lie.’

March 24th, 2009 // 70 Comments

After recent reports claimed Lindsay Lohan is broke and pissing away Samantha Ronson’s money, the actress decided to speak out to E! News and set the record straight. Turns out everything’s your fault:

On her relationship with Samantha Ronson:
“They need to stop saying we’re fighting. People telling lies about me to her and all this garbage. I’m really a good person and I have a good heart and just want to work and the only reason I go to clubs is to hear Samantha spin or be normal.”

On the “real” Lindsay Lohan:
“I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs and I don’t lie. I love to act and write and be creative and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it.”

On why she can’t get work:
“If people would just leave my personal life alone–because it’s really not that interesting–then I could land a great role. But all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting.”

On her dreams:
“I’d like to have my own charity, do work overseas, be in Oscar-nominated films, write movies, produce movies/shows/videos, design clothes, make music, write books, etc. It’s all possible if people would just stop judging me and accusing me and making me out to be this aloof, spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person that I am not and could never be.”

Oh, so the real reason Lindsay can’t find work, win an Oscar or maintain a healthy relationship with Samantha Ronson is because everybody keeps talking about her. And here I thought Lindsay was the cause of Lindsay’s problems. Man, I was way off. Talk about embarrassing.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. What a stupid spoiled little twit! Why anyone thinks she has talent is beyond me. Of course, why the paps follow her is silly too. Who cares about this chick who is already washed up at such a young age.

  2. feckless

    the second part of that joke is : ” Goddammit, I left my cigarettes at the bar” and it is about 50 million years old and it isn’t funny. She needs to take Negative Attention Seeking 101.

  3. Photoshop Police

    she doesn’t drink; she’s evaporating as we speak

    she doesn’t do drugs; that white powder is just crushed up smartees. all the kids are doin it!

    she NEVER EVER EVER lies; how could you suggest such a thing?!?!

  4. lol Rough Daddy=”sicko fan”

  5. lizzy

    LOVE the american sapphic, very clever.

    she’s an idiot, which we already knew.

  6. I don’t drink, do drugs or lie… unless I’m on a mothafuckin’ bender…

  7. Fuck U

    What a fuckin cocksucking(behind Ronsons’ back)drugged out , vd infested lying slut.
    That bitch needs to take a couple of baths…wash her discusting hair and get it cut…or just WASH it.
    Stop doing DRUGS….cause obviously she is delusional.

  8. joho777

    “I don’t drink, do drugs or lie.”

    Lindsay is binge-drin king again, abusing cocaine again, and of course lying about it.

    She is a world-champion of lying. She lies when it doesn’t help her, when it’s obvious that she’s lying, and when telling the truth would be better for her.

    Why in the world does she think that anyone believes her now?

  9. ho

    wow, if her “sicko fans” would just leave her alone… ahahahahahaha.. thats the way idiot… so now even if you were to land a role (which you wont except in p o r n) your “sicko fans” wont come see it… a s s f a c e b i t c h

  10. Ella

    She’s a compulsive liar. If she doesn’t drink or do drugs, then why do we ALWAYS find her stumbling out of bars disoriented? Plus why the need for rehab so many times? Maybe -that’s- why she can’t get roles…..

    ALSO, if there’s no wrong in her relationship, why is there so many VIDEOS of her and Samantha screaming at each other (especially the broken window one)?

  11. but she does suck a mean cock though…

  12. CakeSniffer

    I’m starting to think maybe she isn’t that bright…

  13. Zanna

    There is rum in that coke, the ligher is for the crack pipe and the glasses are to conceal her shifty lying bloodshot eyes.

  14. A little early for April Fool’s, no?

  15. luvlilo

    ohn LiLo, don´t u do this to me

    you are my childhood crush
    I fell in love with you the first time I saw parent trap

    coul you please stop tearing my heart to pieces?

    i could stand your anorexic times
    the depression over mexican guy dump
    the coke
    the lesbian (oh if only it could have been me)
    the bad bad movies

    but girl
    We ALL remember it ALL
    and talk about it cause it´s true
    you need to put your life in place

    call me anytime 55 11 9114 3269

    I may not look like an anorexic 12 year old dude, but i´d eat your coked up anorexic and diseased pussy anytime
    rub it im my face, lilo

  16. luvlilo

    ohn LiLo, don´t u do this to me

    you are my childhood crush
    I fell in love with you the first time I saw parent trap

    coul you please stop tearing my heart to pieces?

    i could stand your anorexic times
    the depression over mexican guy dump
    the coke
    the lesbian (oh if only it could have been me)
    the bad bad movies

    but girl
    We ALL remember it ALL
    and talk about it cause it´s true
    you need to put your life in place

    call me anytime 55 1 9114 3269

    I may not look like an anorexic 12 year old dude, but i´d eat your coked up anorexic and diseased pussy anytime
    rub it im my face, lilo

  17. Zanna

    I love to act and write and be creative.

    Backwards translation: I love to lie, write my name in mounds of blow and you should see how freaky I get after a pint of vodka.

    I just realized she and I have a lot in common.

  18. Janey

    That made me laugh so hard, my joint came out my nose.

  19. Zanna

    Janey!

  20. Mr. Jones

    “…the only reason I go to clubs is to hear Samantha spin or be normal.”

    Because nothing is more normal than getting coked up at 3 on a Wednesday morning, and hanging out in a disco with a fake d*ke “girlfriend” who is paid $20,000 a gig to play pre-recorded music. And then pass out at 6 AM and sleep until four in the afternoon.

  21. grobpilot

    This stuff is not surprising. Since when has any celebrity taken any responsibility for anything they’ve ever done?

    If she really wants to write book, she could sit her ass down in front of a computer and pound one out, instead of getting fucked-up every night. Not that too many people would buy it, but at least she can say she’s now an author.

  22. Smarg

    She did have acting talent (and may still have some left, but no one in their right mind will cast her in a decent movie) but she wasted it all with her sordid behavior. You can lay a lot of blame on her totally fucked up parents.

    The only way she can recover is start from the bottom with dinner theater, then off Broadway shows, then Broadway, then back on film. And, get the fuck out of Hollywood where her habits are only being enabled. Think she waould ever do these things??

    OH HELLLL NO!!!

  23. GuyHolly

    I’d give freckletits a ride.

  24. c

    She is unbelievably desperate but she got herself into this mess. Yeah people are cruel and will look for ways to bring you down if you are in the public eye, but again, she totally brought this upon herself! And she is clearly insecure, evidenced by the fact that she is publicly overcompensating for her own self worth. Lindsay, just STOP talking and start DOING! GAHH

  25. Jrz

    spoiled, ungrateful and unprofessional person

    STOP~ You had us at spoiled.

  26. Harry

    Not showing up at 2am at the homes of aging lotharios might help people take you seriously, too. I mean, you don’t hear of Kate Winslet or Natalie Portman begging 70 year old men to let them into their homes at all hours, do you?

  27. spindoc

    You aren’t getting work because of your personal life. Hollywood can forgive ANYTHING, just look at Mel Gibson. You aren’t getting work because your last 6 or so movies all bombed. The one thing Hollywood will never forgive is not making money.

  28. RichPort's Ghost

    Word is that she’s wild in bed but won’t suck cock.

    Hell, old Richport’s Ghost is such a miserable prick, he’d be happy if any chick would give him a peck on the cheek. Or even smile at him.

    Of course then he’d blow his load (both drops of it) before curling up in the fetal position and crying himself to sleep.

    God I hate myself….

  29. KG

    A case study in how ephemeral “it” status is in Hollywood. You are only an “it” girl for a small window of time. Whether you will ultimately have an actual, prolonged, career depends on what you do during that window. Blow it, and you become the D-lister on next year’s VH1 reality series.

    Lohan wasn’t, perhaps isn’t, a bad actress. But she doesn’t offer anything that you can’t find in another hundred cute young starlets at this point, and she’s got nothing but negative baggage to go along with her.

    She blew it, and she’s done. Fodder for The Superficial and Perez and the like, but her ship is now sailing off in the distance, she’s not on it, and there ain’t gonna be another.

  30. vito

    But WAIT! She didn’t mention anything about world piece or stopping the stripping of the Amazon rain forests. Well, maybe she’ll do better in the swimsuit competition…

    But first, take her out and stuff her full of burgers, and shakes, and fries (oh my) so that her bikini doesn’t look like a couple of used handkerchiefs hanging from a skeleton.

    (Hefner…you reading this stuff? You can probably get her to do a layout in next month’s issue for a couple of hundred bucks. I’ll bet she’d throw in a blowjob to boot!)

  31. waaaaaaaaa

    Why the hell do we always forget April fools?

  32. abowl

    Anybody else think she meant to say “sychophants,” but is too dumb to know it’s not “sicko fans”?

  33. Mal Gusto

    “I’d like to have my own charity, do work overseas….” There is not a single fucking thing stopping here from doing charity work overseas. She could disappear for 6-12 months and go QUIETLY help some folks in Cambodia, Vietnam, Sri Lanka. The physical work would do her good and she would have some actual real world experiences to draw upon for her movies, books and music she is so eager to write.
    All of this would work best if she just quietly slipped away, without paps, without press release.
    It will never happen because she is an attention whore.

  34. EuroNeckPain

    @30: world piece… of ass ?

  35. Fuck U

    It’s World Peace asshole.
    LMAO@34
    Not showing up at 2am at the homes of aging lotharios might help people take you seriously, too.
    Hahaha,
    She is sooooo incredibly stupid…God! someone give her a “hot shot” right now!!!! Put the pathalogical liar out of her misery. It’s for the best.

  36. Kev

    Ben Tegel’s take off on Grant Woods’ painting American Gothic is hilarious! Captures Ronson’s seemingly permanent nasty facial expression perfectly.

  37. lola

    I love the caricature! The artist nailed it! And Lindsay said, “I don’t drink, do drugs, etc.” That is in the present tense, meaning that she just quit yesterday so stop hatin’

  38. robert doosh

    “Caffeine’s a drug. Nicotone’s a drug.”

    “WHO’S THE TOEHEAD? THOSE DRUGS ARE LEGAL.”

  39. :(

    If people are willing to give Brittany Spears another chance, then the fact that Lindsay Lohan is going nowhere says a lot.

    I really liked her as a child and teen actress, but then she went berserk (didn’t she try to run people down with her car??). Everything she says and does now is an act of desperation, and it’s just… sad.

  40. herbie

    HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!!!!!! oh my god!!! That is my MOST favorite interview EVER!!!

  41. Tom K

    This bitch is so high she doesnt know what she is saying half the time! LOL

    White trash whore!

  42. farty mcshitface

    yeh, this twit is just rambling and making shit up as she goes. she has zero credibility for a reason. from her excuses that she is so skinny because she has been so busy (LIE) to not drinking (LIE) or doing drugs (LIE) she has got nothing to go with. and i guess some people wactually try to hire her for appearences (wtf?) and she fails to appear- i don’t feel bad for this lousy bitch at all. she deserves every moment of this and i hope it NEVER stops!!!!
    haha

  43. 1moreidiotintheworld

    Every one of those comments were made while she was in a drug induced state where she was drooling all over herself thinking about munching out the chum from Sam’s fish hole……..

  44. Alizee

    LINDS NEEDS TO REMEBER HER 12 STEPS SHES SLIPPING AND TRIPPING IT’S A SAD FACT THAT DRUGS AND WHATEVEA ELSE SHE DOES
    LATENESS AND DIVA BEHAVIOR RUINED HER CARREER AH 15 MINUTES OF FAME AINT IT A BIATCH ………. SHE SHOULD STOP BELIEVING HER OWN BS

  45. Lala

    Good people don’t call themselves good people. They don’t have to. FAIL.

    She is the one who created her reputation. These aren’t baseless rumors; there exists video proving pretty much everything that is said about her. What an insincere whore. I can’t believe she is this delusional.

  46. Mr. Obvious

    I would like to motorboat her.

  47. Anonymous

    This girl is damned lucky if she doesn’t get SHOT in the near future. Denial, denial, denial. Some hard-working people get really SICK of your bullshit, Blowhan….

  48. vito

    Hey #34 & #35…Good to see at least one of you got it!

  49. poopsicle

    she is right on one point though. Her life is really not that interesting, save for the fact that its highly publicized. I can point out plenty of coke addled girls going down a bad path, and they’re not being criticized nearly as harshly as Lindsay. She’s an actress(?), not a wiping girl. and spending time talking about her problems is just a waste of everyone’s time. we could be talking about her freckletits instead, i liked that one #23. Freckletits.

  50. Slice

    I’m sorry, but I seem to remember a very widely read letter addressed to Lindsay from a studio head telling her to stop PARTYING at night and then LYING about it when she didn’t show up for work the next day. But I’m sure he just read one too many Star magazines, right? Surely none of that could be based on him losing tens of thousands of dollars everytime she came down with “exhaustion” or had an “asthma attack”.

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