Lindsay Lohan has a present for you

Lindsay Lohan has been wearing tiny skirts and drinking her way across London which, of course, is the exact recipe for Firecrotch Theater. So here’s how this is going to go down: First, you’re going to notice the surprising lack of flames and charcoal briquettes. Then, you’re going to notice something that’s exactly what you think it is and attempt to lobotomize yourself with whatever’s handy. In my case, a stray kitten. (Sorry, Whiskers.) Enjoy!

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions that will probably kill lesser men.