Lindsay Lohan has a present for you

June 5th, 2009 // 175 Comments

Lindsay Lohan has been wearing tiny skirts and drinking her way across London which, of course, is the exact recipe for Firecrotch Theater. So here’s how this is going to go down: First, you’re going to notice the surprising lack of flames and charcoal briquettes. Then, you’re going to notice something that’s exactly what you think it is and attempt to lobotomize yourself with whatever’s handy. In my case, a stray kitten. (Sorry, Whiskers.) Enjoy!

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions that will probably kill lesser men.

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  1. Lolocaust

    I really thought her vagina would be mordor, but I can see from this photograph that one DOES simply walk into it.

    My fantasies are ruined

  2. twzzlrgirl

    Ugh..she looks absolutely horrible.

    And the vagina! If she wasn’t wearing panties and it was hanging out, that would be bad enough. But she’s IS wearing panties, and it’s STILL hanging out. Gross.

    If you’re not a guy, you’re genitals should not be flappy enough to hang out of your underwear. That’s science!!

    ;) Twizz

  3. Kelley

    No 102. … “you’re” genitals ? Good one …

  4. Rhialto

    Holy crap,that looks pretty sore.Who is responsible for that?

  5. waitaminute

    The body guard in #8 is sporting wood!

    (made ya look!)

  6. Nero

    It looks like many licklicks!

  7. That’s no present to anyone. Why are you punishing us? :P

  8. Darth

    Is there anybody around her with hard skin on his/her/its tongue?

  9. dude

    i’d hit that

  10. Labia!

    As a connoisseur of fine labia, I gotta say that’s nasty.

  11. Slow MonkeyNow Shell-Shocked

    In all my born days I have never seen anyone with less self esteem for herself excepting for her lack of regard for her fellow mankind (all inclusive).

    I guess she has had sex so often that now the faucet just stays on.

    I am taking Chlorox cloths to wipe off my seating in public venues from now on – six degrees of separation and all that.

  12. John

    @Everyone saying you’d “hit that”… just how desperate are you?

    Sure, yea it’s a vagina, but really… are you THAT desperate to “hit” a nasty ass one like that?

    I’d rather go get it from someone that hasn’t be torn up from the floor up for the past 5 years. It’s just gross. Any man with self-respect wouldn’t go NEAR that thing.

  13. John

    @Everyone saying you’d “hit that”… just how desperate are you?

    Sure, yea it’s a vagina, but really… are you THAT desperate to “hit” a nasty ass one like that?

    I’d rather go get it from someone that hasn’t be torn up from the floor up for the past 5 years. It’s just gross. Any man with self-respect wouldn’t go NEAR that thing.

  14. bb

    Seriously. That’s what pussies look like.

  15. GaGa

    that is flippin nasty. she totally has genital warts!!! Having sex with ever guy on the planet will do that to you.

  16. You have the right to remain flacid

    “34. zini – June 5, 2009 11:40 PM

    If I came out the club with my cock hanging out I’d get arrested.”

    – The severity of the charges are based on “impact”. For you, it’d only be a misdemeanor…

  17. Mama Pinkus

    NASTAY – looks like a 90 year old ballsack

  18. I think, once again, Jonah Hill in “Superbad” said it best: “Have you ever seen a vagina by itself? Not for me.”

  19. dude

    What? Have any of you even seen a vagina?

  20. .

    Thats not her Vagina, thats a little bit of one of her labia majora. You guys must be the sex-starved, virgin losers I assumed you were. Learn some female anatomy, and maybe you can learn how to please a woman.

  21. dar

    tampon string!!! gimme a break.

  22. devilsrain

    As for everyone that says “havent you guys seen a vagina” yea weve seen them, they just dont look like that except in bad porn movies. Ive never seen a roast beef torn up vagina like that or else I might be scarred for life.

  23. Lawn gnome council

    #125 for the last time that is not a vagina! that is part of her labia majora and mons pubis which is part of the VULVA. the vagina is the actual hole that babies come out of. The vulva is made of all the external female sex organs (the prepuse and glans of the clitoris, labia etc) INCLUDING the entrance to the vagina but that is clearly not visible here.

  24. .

    I’m sorry, but is sex education and biology really taught that badly? I suppose it is excusable in a teenager but Fish is presumably a man in his late 20s and he still thinks that is a “vagina”.

  25. Kelseyn

    I’ve decided I don’t like presents.

  26. damnstraight

    She’s still hot and I’d fuck the shit out of her.

    And all you pathetic masturbators that troll this site with one hand on the mouse and the other on your sad little 3-inch boners would do the same.

    Only I’d have the balls do a few rails off her tits first, then fuck her six ways to Sunday. You sad little trolls would burst your packets in about 3 seconds, than make a beeline for the nearest computer so you could wank off again as you post trashtalk on celeb gossip sites.

  27. Greggo

    wait, so different girls have different-looking labia? that’s disgusting! (sarcasm)

  28. enjoy your AIDS damnstraight

    I assume this is the first time you have visited the Superficial because most of the males on this website are pretty open when they want to bone a chick.

  29. enjoy your AIDS damnstraight

    I assume this is the first time you have visited the Superficial because most of the males on this website are pretty open when they want to bone a chick.

  30. Dread not

    Old saying: If it has the glory hole and a heartbeat, it gets blood sausage meat! Except for Paris Hilton. That chick doesn’t fuck dicks, she melts ‘em!

  31. dnis

    looks like a baby rat.

  32. Spank rock

    why you showin them coochie lips, gettin outside the car. Paparazzi hanging all around you, bitch. You once were a super star.

    Put your panties on. put that pussy away.

  33. James

    she looks like megan Fox. Very similar features.

  34. LOL @124, 135 aka the losers.

    Um, in case you didn’t notice, no one calls genitals by their proper medical name. In fact a virgin or ridiculous sex-starved-highly strung- ranting on message boards old hag is about the only one likely to be correcting genital word usage, and demanding people who are casually talking about genitals to use the precise medical terms instead. Oh wow! You know what a labia is, I guess that means you’re not a virgin! Point proven! Congratulations… ??

    The whole point is that if it is her labia it looks horrid and a monster, deformed version of one. Thus I think it’s quite sensible of people to just refer to any part of her crotch as her “vagina” because we do not know exactly what we are looking at, and the whole thing in general looks disgusting. I mean I left a comment but it didn’t get posted, I said it looked more like a tear from a prenancy (episostomy scar) than a bit of labia, and it in no way looks like a string from a tampon.

    I have another word usage concerning genitals that may bother you: You are a dick. Or is it a large cock ? or is it penis ? Or do I need to specify which part? Okay, you, annoying idiot, are a fucking glans.

    FYI – vagina is mainly used for comedic affect. Fish is also so stupid that he said celebs should wear more deodorant to stop sweat patches. Deodorant is for odor, not an sweat which would need anti perspirant. So if you really want something to bitch about, go and find that post and bitch about that, glans.

  35. LOL@ 124, 125 **

    *Epiostomy Scar..

    Guys if you want to read some horror stories… about pregnant women literally slitting open down below during labor, look up the above, or ‘pregnancy tear’ or ‘scared of tearing’ Oh… My…God..

    i’ll try to find the link I just had

  36. leopard

    her left knee???? or her third tits? wtf

  37. Pilatunes

    It looks a bit dishevelled.

  38. luc

    wow u people are so shallow evefyone has a diff vagina learn more aboutr it give her a break atleast she is beaitufl and smart who cares its vagina no on ei s perfect

  39. lolocaust

    I’ll forgive you for thinking that she’s smart, luc, as you are obviously french and prone to bouts of mild retardation.

  40. It probably looks like a withered up prune.

  41. Superman

    You can bleach teeth, can eye balls be bleached too?? Thats some sick shit right there. I hope the next dude brings a diver down flag or straps a 2×4 to his ass before he goes swimming in that junk…ick

  42. sam

    Meat curtain!

  43. Aoifa

    Sorry guys but it is a tampon/tampax string that is in the pic so not melting/warts etc.

  44. Katie

    is no one else completely grossed out that these girls are running around in the shortest dresses ever sitting places with their raw vagina touching the chairs??? ugh. talk about STDs. you don’t even have to have sex with them to catch their shit.

  45. twzzlrgirl

    Hey, 103 (Kelley, AKA, grammar police):

    Fuck off.

    (Oh, I hope I spelled that right.)

  46. ^_^

    #135, You just reffered to yourself as a loser in your name, since your post was in fact #135.

  47. She's a WHORE

    JEZUS. This twat has VAGINAL WARTS; HERPES if you will. I always thought she had a communicable disease (sheer & utter stupidity), but now I know it’s much worse. She joins pairASS & SLUTney as charter members of the herpes club…

  48. Fish Male Readers Seriously Need to Get Laid by Non-STD Carriers

    #128

    Yup. I can’t believe how some don’t understand that some labias have herpes or HPV’s (and in her case – probably both), and some don’t.

    So which STD(s) do you prefer on a woman’s labia?

  49. Herpes for Dessert

    #148
    I disagree. A whore gets paid.

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