Lindsay Lohan flakes out

tn_lohan_boots_cr.jpgSometimes I call in sick for work on days when I would rather sit at home and play Madden while downloading porn. In the case of Lindsay Lohan’s absense yesterday morning on “Live with Regis and Kelly,” I’m guessing the motivation is either that, or spending time burning Wilmer Valderamma voodoo dolls in a flaming pile of feces.

Lohan, announced as a guest on yesterday’s “Live,” was a no-show – apparently canceling five minutes after the show went onto the air because of food poisoning.

We all know this is a total lie. Lindsay doesn’t eat nearly enough to get food poisoning. Maybe she overdosed on whatever it is that’s making her boobs utterly disproportionate to her body.

Lindsay Lohan pulls a no-show [Page Six]