Law enforcement sources say Lindsay Lohan is not going to be charged with cocaine possession in connection with her two DUI arrests. TMZ reports:
We’re told charges may be filed tomorrow, and the D.A. is leaning toward rejecting three possible felonies. Sources say the D.A. almost certainly will not file cocaine charges in connection with her DUI bust Memorial Day weekend in Beverly Hills. As for her July 24 arrest in Santa Monica, the D.A. could charge her with felony cocaine possession, and bringing cocaine into a correctional facility – also a felony. But we’re told that the D.A. is inclined not to file those felony charges either.
I’m pretty sure Lindsay could roll up the Constitution and use it to snort a mile-long line in front of the entire Supreme Court and still not get charged with coke possession. Maybe it’s out of respect for her family’s proud heritage of drug use. Lohans have been snorting coke since they crashed their schooner into the Mayflower. People might question the historical accuracy of this post, but would I actually write something that wasn’t true? I don’t think so. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go have sex with Wonder Woman – in outer space!
Yawn | August 22, 2007 at 10:40 am
Moving on…
Pedro | August 22, 2007 at 10:41 am
hmm…that post was actually kind of funny.
theShizaan | August 22, 2007 at 10:43 am
very funny post…and right on target
okay... | August 22, 2007 at 10:46 am
She’s “a fuc*ing star” I guess she was right, she is going to get away with it.
Lovely | August 22, 2007 at 10:47 am
And all this time I thought BLOWhan was a nickname given to her because she was easy…. silly me…
Cookie Vanderbilt | August 22, 2007 at 10:47 am
If Lindsay Lohan were black she would be carrying all those felony charges. Poor Joe Francis and Paris Hilton. They’re probably the only privileged white people in America that couldn’t beat their wraps.
Bugman4045 | August 22, 2007 at 10:49 am
I only hope that when she avoids being charged this feeds her sense of narcissism and privelege and she starts snorting cocaine, heroin and drano. We can then be rid of this useless piece of crap for good.
Julz | August 22, 2007 at 10:49 am
Lohan’s not black?!?!?!?!?
gotcoke? | August 22, 2007 at 10:52 am
crashing their schooner into the Mayflower! finally something funny on here.
BlowMe | August 22, 2007 at 10:52 am
Hey, I didn’t get charged with possession either when they found it on me at the jail during booking – and i’m nobody…
The Word for Today | August 22, 2007 at 10:52 am
The LORD [is] my shepherd; I shall not want. (Covering)
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: (Peace)
He leadeth me beside the still waters. (Comfort)
He restoreth my soul: (Renewal)
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. (Guidance)
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, (Strength)
I will fear no evil: for thou [art] with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. (Companionship)
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: (Protection)
thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. (Wealth)
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: (Favor)
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. (Eternal Life)
Madea | August 22, 2007 at 10:52 am
I agree with you number two.
Vogul | August 22, 2007 at 10:54 am
#8
Very perceptive.
Thanks for pointing out the obvious.
The One and Only REAL Goodman | August 22, 2007 at 10:54 am
Are you fucking kidding me?
Lovely | August 22, 2007 at 10:55 am
thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. (Companionship)
hehehe
my comment | August 22, 2007 at 10:56 am
She’s still got two DUI’s to face. Put this b!tch in jail already!
LaVale | August 22, 2007 at 10:56 am
Totally believe it. If that girl thought her pootie didn’t stink before, she’s going to be awfully insufferable now.
Next issue will be that she’ll go to East LA and start some shit with the gangas there, run back to the the Valley with the Vatos Locos in hot pursuit and claim the “white” race card and get the Loco’s implicated on gang banging while she loffs and loffs while sippin gin and juice and smokin some chronic , rolling with the homies while calling them bad names behind their backs.
Or something like that. Lets just say my message is that she’s going to push that envelope for all it’s got and offend every manner of people on the planet because like Elliot Ness, she’s obviously Untouchable. Nice message.
And we have 20 year old boys in IRAQ giving up thier lives to keep scumbags like Lindsey up to her ears in opiates, free as a birdie. Tweet, tweet.
LL | August 22, 2007 at 10:58 am
OMG, still rolling…
“Lohans have been snorting coke since they crashed their schooner into the Mayflower.”
Paris and Nicole filled their quota of rich white girl drug arrests for the year. They only get two. If Lindsay effs up in January, though, her ass is theirs.
SHallow Val | August 22, 2007 at 10:59 am
18 – LL
YEah and then she’ll spend 6 days in happy jail, and come out a changed person. I hope someone shanks that bitch. (Ohhhh, that’s mean)
nagger please | August 22, 2007 at 11:01 am
————–If Lindsay Lohan were black she would be carrying all those felony charges. Poor Joe Francis and Paris Hilton. They’re probably the only privileged white people in America that couldn’t beat their wraps.————
I don’t beat my wraps.. I eat them..
Also, the reason negroes get caught for drugs because they usually beat up old ladies in the process..
Elliot | August 22, 2007 at 11:02 am
Schooner into the Mayflower was a great line. Good work.
Duchess of Dork | August 22, 2007 at 11:04 am
Fuck. Her.
Once Again | August 22, 2007 at 11:04 am
Once again, check out my lohan tity pic! enjoy!
http://www.zoto.com/kingcobra/albums/10085
Try ME | August 22, 2007 at 11:04 am
Colored people do get more jail time, but it’s mostly them doing the shit.
@6 | August 22, 2007 at 11:11 am
I agree. I’m just glad you pointed out RICH white people. Poor white people can get the shaft. I personally think poor white people and African Americans should ban together, instead of having this wedge between us. We could get alot done.
Robert | August 22, 2007 at 11:14 am
This is so wrong, why are they giving this bitch a break ? its obvious she was coked out of her mind of her arrest. This will only encourage her to be more arrogant and do more drugs. Possibly killing soemone when she drives all coked up and drunk.
this guy | August 22, 2007 at 11:16 am
Ok, now it’s officially confusing. The past few days the writing’s been much better. This post continued that trend right up until the last few lines, then…kaboom, a brief return to the impossible lameness. Jekyll, please let Hyde do all the writing. It’s supposed to be sick and twisted.
p911gt10c | August 22, 2007 at 11:19 am
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Rich, young and white never get caught on felonies.
Shit, you’d damn near have to blow a priests’ brains out in a room full of cops before you do some real time if you’re a celeb in the US.
jrzmommy | August 22, 2007 at 11:20 am
Okay, the schooner crashing line was good. HA!
But this time I will agree with the usual Al Sharpton big mouths….if she was named Keisha and was from Compton, or Maria from Pico-Union….her ass would be in jail.
veggi | August 22, 2007 at 11:21 am
Wait. Lindsey has a pet duck with a cocaine charge? That’s fucked up maaaaaaaan.
iburl | August 22, 2007 at 11:25 am
They should have signs on the border of L.A. “Welcome to Los Angeles, please be aware that our celebrities have carte blance to do whatever they want to you or to others with no legal jeopardy. You’re on your own.”
HELP | August 22, 2007 at 11:27 am
Still laughing out loud at this post — reminiscent of the good ol’ days at the Fish.
As for #11 — this is probably not the place to spout religion of any kind. Just not a good idea.
FRIST!!! | August 22, 2007 at 11:27 am
I wonder if they got the old writer back, it’s starting to be funny again. They must’ve heards our screams, er I mean pleas.
Either that, or the old superfish guy had to go to rehab for his alcoholism (very bad choice) and when he got back all sober, he lost his ability to be funny. So, now he’s off the wagon again??
Or is that ON the wagon, I can’t remember. What do I know. I’m drunk.
Jen | August 22, 2007 at 11:28 am
I remember one time where I was arrested for having a tiny little roach(marijuana) in my car. Don’t know how it got there, in between the seats. Maybe previous car owner? Even though it wasn’t me I got charged with it and had it stick. This makes me sick! I wish I would have gotten a DUI- less painful to pay back. That’s sad! That I said I wish I would have put another person’s life in danger- nevermind!!!
dude | August 22, 2007 at 11:36 am
“And we have 20 year old boys in IRAQ giving up thier lives to keep scumbags like Lindsey up to her ears in opiates, free as a birdie.”
These stories always seem to pull a comment like this. It’s so fucked up. Which is worse – some celebrity girl gets slap-on-the-wrist prosecution, instead of getting locked up; or young soldiers getting killed and maimed in a country where the government went on a summer vacation during a civil war? The only thing they’re dying for is the stubbornness of a very simpleminded man, who’s being abandoned by even his closest friends (cya, Rovie!). And cocaine isn’t an opiate.
lindsaysux | August 22, 2007 at 11:41 am
You know what lesson she will learn form all of this? That’s right…. nothing. She is probably laughing right now, from her ‘rehab’. Right, a rehab where you can shop, have your own private room, get massages and exercise. I’m sure when she gets back, she’ll be back in the clubs with her water bottle bottle filled w Vodka, and her nose full of blow that her mother got for her. I’ve never wanted anyone to go to jail so badly before. And, she’s getting paid millions! Makes me sick!! She is useless.
p911gt10c | August 22, 2007 at 11:42 am
And now Foxy’s off to prison!! See, pays to be white in America!
p0nk | August 22, 2007 at 11:45 am
“If Lindsay Lohan were black she would be carrying all those felony charges.”
right, like OJ did, what?
jrzmommy | August 22, 2007 at 11:46 am
30–Okay….I just got that. HAHAHA!!! clever thing.
notamused | August 22, 2007 at 11:50 am
When she dies no one should be suprised. Her family and peons are really her enemies. The girl could loose her life and they keep letting her check out of reahab like its the “Four Seasons.”
sandy goettsche | August 22, 2007 at 11:51 am
im gonna use this as case precedent if i ever get caught with some weed.
LaVale | August 22, 2007 at 11:51 am
35 dude
I didn’t say it was, I’m not a dumbass like Dubya. SHE has a penchant for opiates remember, and you can get all kinds of opiates in the middle east and south east asia. SO, I was referring to what can come in from the middle east (what the gov’t may really be fightin for, aside from oil) and can keep her appetite for opiates fulfilled. She’s not a cokehead, she uses it to stay awake. She’s a drunk and a pill popper. Coke is just a by-the-way.
So THERE!
notamused | August 22, 2007 at 11:52 am
Is she always high?Maybe that explains how someone so pretty does the dumbest shit.
Malffy Hernandes | August 22, 2007 at 11:53 am
Bullshit, Kim Kardashian has something to do with this I can just feel it. Oh, goodness I wonder why O.J is knocking at the door; better go get it.
Hemlock Queen | August 22, 2007 at 11:54 am
And we’re surprised that the top 1% doesn’t get the same treatment from rules only applied to us. It’s called money, and we don’t make that kind.
notamused | August 22, 2007 at 11:54 am
I am black and that is bullshit # 37. OJ should have his black ass behind bars.
PC | August 22, 2007 at 11:55 am
#17 may be comparing apples and oranges, but he’s definitely got a point. Some people like LL are a waste of space, yet they continue to get rich, live a privileged life, and get rewarded for bad behavior. Then you have some poor shmuck from a poor rural Southern town who could potentially do wonderful things with his life and contribute positively to society if only he was given a chance, yet he’s getting his ass shipped to Iraq where he gets his legs blown off. It’s beyond unfair. And yes, I know life isn’t fair, blah blah blah, but it becomes so demoralizing to constantly hear about these loser celebrities getting ahead while others who deserve better are kicked to the curb.
Chadlith | August 22, 2007 at 11:59 am
I don’t know who you are, but you crack my ass up!! I am pissing my white F*ing pants.
notamused | August 22, 2007 at 12:01 pm
little girls want to be these harlots
#17-forgot my name | August 22, 2007 at 12:01 pm
47 – PC
Thank you, my unborn children thank you, and I’m sure the 14 guys who got blown up in the chopper are thanking you as they fly with their new wings to sit with their maker, have coffee and ask him and the angels “What the fuck are you doing up here? Take care of the earth, god-dammit.”
Seriously, nice rebuttal. I like the apples and oranges part