Lindsay Lohan ducks cocaine charges

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Law enforcement sources say Lindsay Lohan is not going to be charged with cocaine possession in connection with her two DUI arrests. TMZ reports:

We’re told charges may be filed tomorrow, and the D.A. is leaning toward rejecting three possible felonies. Sources say the D.A. almost certainly will not file cocaine charges in connection with her DUI bust Memorial Day weekend in Beverly Hills. As for her July 24 arrest in Santa Monica, the D.A. could charge her with felony cocaine possession, and bringing cocaine into a correctional facility – also a felony. But we’re told that the D.A. is inclined not to file those felony charges either.

I’m pretty sure Lindsay could roll up the Constitution and use it to snort a mile-long line in front of the entire Supreme Court and still not get charged with coke possession. Maybe it’s out of respect for her family’s proud heritage of drug use. Lohans have been snorting coke since they crashed their schooner into the Mayflower. People might question the historical accuracy of this post, but would I actually write something that wasn’t true? I don’t think so. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go have sex with Wonder Woman – in outer space!