Lindsay Lohan converting to Judaism

March 3rd, 2009 // 64 Comments

Lindsay Lohan wants to convert to Judaism to prove her love for Samantha Ronson, according to Page Six:

Lohan flew to London to attend the bar mitzvah of Ronson’s half-brother, Joshua. “She’s explored the Church of Scientology, she tried kabbalah, and now this. I think it’s just another phase,” her estranged father Michael Lohan, a born-again minister, told London’s Daily Mail.

Of course, everyone knows converting to Judaism is always the last-minute Hail Mary pass in trying to work in Hollywood again. And if that doesn’t work, hello, porn!

NOTE: I could’ve said “Hello, MTV reality show,” but I don’t kick people when they’re down. That’s class.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. sunshine

    A friend of mine recommended me a HOT place *** Affluentmeet Com *** It’s where you have chance to meet rich single men and rich single woman!

  2. CaptainMorgan

    It sounded like she just got a new lawyer or agent…I’m hoping for the porn option.

  3. Ted from L

    She looks like a size 2, just like Jennifer Love Hewitt.

  4. Mother Teresa

    There’s no way this story is true. Lindsay obviously would prefer the religion where somebody gets nailed repeated.

  5. g_girl

    what’s up with the racist comments on this site lately? seriously, get rid of this shit!!!

  6. Rachel

    Lindsay, you can’t use this to run away from the fact that what you’re doing is making Baby Jesus cry.

  7. g_girl

    And spam! fuck!!

  8. Delgo

    I don’t care what she does, I love her Parliament smoking ass.

  9. Wendy

    Seems logical enough. She loves it when Samantha has her fist all the way up her gas chamber.

  10. Rev. Billy Graham

    This is not unusual. Often, people develop a serious illness (in this case, homosexuality) and only then do they seek God.

  11. pete

    It’s because she loves to lick Samantha’s gaza strip.

  12. Matthew

    oh that wacky hohan is at it again now become jewish? wow hohan nothing sees to amazie me

  13. Ang

    Yeah what a fascinating made up story about washed up Lindsay.

    You know, I look at that “sexy vegetarian” and all I can think of is: asparagus pee and brussels sprout farts. Nice tits, though. Of course, as a hippie girl she’ll have braided nipple hair, but still, tits are tits.

  14. NJB

    Finally, now I can bring her home to meet my mom…

  15. groan

    I dunno, something about this story seems fishy…

  16. Kelley

    New lip collegen, Red Bull and cigarettes … she’s early 20′s and by the time she is 30 (if she lives), she’ll look 45 !! She doesn’t look used to having new fish lips yet :)

  17. selina34

    She’s awesome, I mean, at her age, she’s still attractive to many people! you don’t know how h ot models and sex y folks on ___Tallmingle Co m___ go cr azy about her act!! she’s like kinda role model to many people there!! :-)

  18. Max Planck

    Smokers suck….Oy!

  19. If Lindsay Had a True Christkilling Mom...

    “Again with the licking! Why can’t you suck a nice circumcised cock like all the other girls?”

  20. Sandy

    Samantha needs to develop a more feminine look. She should study those pictures of Pete Wentz.

  21. McFeely Smackup

    I’m not sure she’s thought this through. Pretty sure pussy isn’t kosher. I know it smells like shellfish at least…

  22. KC

    Why convert to a religion that says you’re a sinner and doesn’t allow you to get married?

  23. Andy

    I suppose now Samantha has to convert to Vodka.

  24. Haywood Jablowme

    @1 – stick thay ray of sunshine up your ass!!!

  25. Alice

    I heard that there’s a TTT (triple T) truck stop in Tucson, Arizona, where you can get a domestic partnership certificate. Maybe, she should think about that, which would also be the easy way out.

  26. Randal

    Ah, the things we do for love but Lindsay is on the right track. Wear your heart on your sleeve and you will be blessed through the ages.

    Randal

  27. Photoshop Police

    Well, since their fake lesbian relationship is likely frowned upon by most conservative jewish congregations, It’s probably a reformed version of Judiasm….

    more like DIET JUDIASM! (rim shot!)

    *(I could have been more insensitive and used the racial slur that starts with a K, but I think it would be in really bad taste, and we all have such high moral standards here on The Superficial)

    Seriously, Lindsay. Why bother? You’re already a life-member of the LOONitarians!

  28. p0nk

    somebody needs to point out to LiLo that when the Jews stone homosexuals, it’s with real rocks not THC.

  29. “Of course, everyone knows converting to Judaism is always the last-minute Hail Mary pass in trying to work in Hollywood again. And if that doesn’t work, hello, porn!” <– Called it so hard.

  30. Whuuuu?

    Do they make kosher heroin?

  31. Gando

    Well,that’s good for her ofcourse.Kosher meals are at least better than what she’s used to.Would love to see her finally eating a healthy meal!

  32. Darth

    Lill’ Lindsay Lohan and kosher healthy meals.I ain’t swallowing this!

  33. A haiku for Lindsay Lohan:

    You used to be hot
    But now my penis feels sad
    Ginger go away

  34. Superficial is a Moron

    Superficial;

    What are you, brain damaged? Just because someone attends a bar mitzvah does not mean they are pursuing the Jewish faith. I’ve visited the Vatican, am I Catholic now? You’re playing it too fast and loose with your content. I started reading your site because of your insightful humor and intelligence. I expect you to wade through the “Page 6″ nonsense and give it a “brain boost”. You’re a slacker; wise up.

  35. Sid

    but if jews had a choice they wouldnt wanna be jews…. then whats up with her?
    i mean honestly…..guys

  36. rena

    She’s awesome, I mean, at her age, she’s still attractive to many people! you don’t know how h ot models and sex y folks on:” T a l l m i n gl e C o m ” go cr azy about her act!! she’s like kinda role model to many people there!! :-)

  37. HITLER

    Ahhhhhh….another victim. SWEET!!!

    P.s. IT’S MARCH 3rd AND I STILL LOVE KIDS!!!

  38. And Judaism is converting to something else than Judaism!

    Yo, you guys haven’t lived until you’ve seen “A FISTFUL OF BILLY RAY CYRUS”!!!

    http://blog.digitalfuntown.com/dft-blog/2009/2/28/dont-f-with-billy-ray-cyruss-daughter.html

  39. el ces

    Really?
    I’m pretty sure Judaism frowns on homosexuality, but fuck ‘em.

    Do it Lindsay!

  40. Mike

    Hooray! The next victim to be found beheaded in an ‘honor killing’ under Sharia!

  41. She’s awesome, I mean, at her age, she’s still attractive to many people! you don’t know how h ot models and sex y folks on:” wealthydaterC o m ” go cr azy about her act!! she’s like kinda role model to many people there!! :-)

  42. Roxy

    Reforn Judaism is pretty cool with homosexuality. Probably because most reform Jews are also liberals… (speaking from experience.)
    Not to mention that Israel, the “Jewish state,” is the most gay-friendly country in the middle east (except for marriage licenses. They are recognized in Israel, yet the couple sadly still needs to marry outside Israel to get one. But there are many, many Jews fighting to change that… in AND out of Israel.) Which other country even close to Israel has gay pride celebrations and an army which allows gay films to be shown, and openly transgender singers who actually make certifiable hits?
    Judaism isn’t a shabby religion if you happen to be gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual. So I follow Lindsay’s logic… good move.

  43. 1moreidiotintheworld

    Did someone tell her that if she’s Jewish she’s not supposed to eat Swine…..her experiment in lesbianism will come to an end………

  44. Louie

    Nobody asked us Jews if we wanted her. Hmmmm . . . that’d be no.

  45. Gr8 points all,
    I also understand they’re gr8 dancers.

  46. So she’s changing her race now, huh? Gone the way of the Tom Arnold.

    Isn’t someone supposed to be throwing rocks at the abomination, Samantha Ronson? @43 – Curiouser and curiouser.

    “She’s explored the Church of Scientology, she tried kabbalah…”. Well that’s a double dipped fucktard right there.

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  48. Jenkins

    So when’s she getting her circumcision? I hear that’s the custom when you become a Jewish man

  49. I really don’t get it she still got the nerves to show herself “IN PUBLIC”, folks?

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