Lindsay Lohan can’t get over Wilmer

December 7th, 2005 // 26 Comments

lindsay_lohan_thumb4.jpgLindsay Lohan has hinted she split from Wilmer Valderrama after finding love letters written by an ex-girlfriend.

On TRL yesterday, she was asked if her new song Black Hole was about a specific person or just made up, and giggled, “Dammit! A little bit of both. I mean I incorporate everything. It’s an ex so it’s already (past),” Lohan begrudgingly added, “Obviously some of it was from Wilmer. Fine.”

Wilmer Valderamma terrifies me. He is obviously some sort of alien and/or demigod, because there’s no other explanation for his Sauron-like hold over hollywood starlets. I’d like to ascribe Lohan’s ongoing obsession with him to either 1) a bad father, 2) drugs, or 3) general whorishness, but can’t. This whole thing is like an episode of the X-files. I just hope Lindsay figures it out before she ends up in a space-pod on Rigel-7.

superficial

  1. spacca

    I love her ginger roots…

  2. You know what else Lindsay Lohan can’t get over?

    Coke.

    Mountains of pure, uncut Columbian cocaine.

    Maybe Wilmer is the coke czar of Hollywood.

    Or maybe he’s got that swarthy Latin mojo. Or….Lindsay’s just a raging wench. Whichever you like.

  3. Bob Denver

    Is it just me or does she look about 45 years old? Talk about haggard.

  4. Tha-Flash

    She’s HOT!

  5. erika

    in the third picture over, look at her arm – close to her wrist and her hand. looks like she got in a fight. for cocaine probably. with mary kate olsen. but they made up and held hands while they threw up together – that’s probably why she’s not more beat up.

  6. hafaball

    She sings? I just figured she made movies, then got drunk and had sex with groups of men. Then when she gets tired of that makes another movie. Hehehe…black hole.

  7. Popz9

    skinny McSkanky misses her hot latin lover… ahhh…. i feel her pain… i mean with all the men she’s been with… God forbid is be alone for a second…. wait.. she feels an itch… *slaps her hand* don’t scratch in public!!

  8. zenmasterfoo

    “She sings? I just figured she made movies, then got drunk and had sex with groups of men. Then when she gets tired of that makes another movie. Hehehe…black hole.”

    ^that be tara reid. let’s just be clear.

  9. SnackOnDis

    Lindsey’s manicurest told me that she scrapes enough cocaine out of her fingernails to feed, clothe, and house all of her immediate and extended family. And apparently she’s doing cocaine with her hairstylist, too, because that is some mad nasty hair.

    And check out the last pic. I bet Elvira is pissed off that Lindsey stole her look and is making it soooooooo 2006.

  10. SnackOnDis

    Oh? And in picture two?

    Is it? Is it…?

    Ooh, I think it is!

    Its the HERP! On her lip!

    Hot-schmott. She’s got the herp. Although I’m sure some of you would willingly accept the herpes simplex virus as payment for a makeout session with the Lo-ho.

  11. careyanne

    damn, these pics are horrible. At least she isn’t blonde anymore.

    I have actually seen her look pretty. or maybe that was the day I forgot to put my contacts in

  12. derekd

    Does she have one redeeming feature looks wise? I dare someone to name one. I mean I might pee on her if she was on fire but she is not hot at all. I guess ol’ Fezzy must be hittin’ that proper. But its easy to hold out when the chick looks like LoHo.

  13. grasshopper

    I bet she is a blast to party with though! Sure she may be a lil weird but i’m sure she scores great coke!

  14. HollyJ

    I think someone’s pissed off her stylist =X

  15. It’s easy, Willmar keeps dating people that are barely out of puberty, of COURSE they think he’s cool. He’s like the Senior in High School who dates the hot freshman girl because he can’t get any hot girls in his own class. I don’t see any starlets his own age chasing after his no talent ass. Well maybe Tara Reid would take him for a ride if he was hiding a flask of Vodka in his underwear…

  16. jujucabana

    i agree with Nikk The Templar, i really think now he must be a coke czar.

  17. superficielle

    Spindoc is completely right. Thank you for the more than perfect explanation. Loved it.

    In a few years, all these girls will be smacking themselves and not understanding why they thought he was anything above average, and will then continue banging their heads on every wall they pass, due to lack of resolution and continual unending regret.

    And, will all have herpes according to these pix.

  18. becca11

    She has beautiful eyes, and cute nose. Her bod is kind of good too , when she isn’t to thin she has pretty legs and a nice rack.She used to have pretty long auburn hair( to the person asking for her good features)

  19. PortalStar

    Did anyone notice the cuts on her had in the third picture?

  20. Mere mortals such as ourselves will never unlock the mystery of why chicks like Fez. I assume The Government knows, but they’ll keep it classified like all the grassy knoll and Area 51 stuff.

  21. ldini79

    marks on hand = teeth marks from bulimia

  22. dhampir

    Holy crap. She’s now one of those child-stars who ‘grows’ up, and in an effort to break away from their hideous past, they try to change their image completely. But I didn’t realise that looking like that old hag who spent her entire life sun baking, chain smoking and requiring a paint scraper to remove the copious amounts of make up off of her face is considered a desirable change.

  23. dhampir

    Holy crap. She’s like one of those child-stars who ‘grows’ up, and in an effort to break away from their hideous past, they try to change their image completely. But I didn’t realise that looking like that old hag who spent her entire life sun baking, chain smoking and requiring a paint scraper to remove the copious amounts of make up off of her face is considered a desirable change.

  24. IKillChildren

    Dont you guys see? Lindsay has some mean looking bags under her eyes…those are from drugs, there’s a difference when you dont sleep, and when your a junkie. Lindsay is a junkie AND a bulimic (if that’s how its spelled). And that is the herp on her lip, either that or its some nasty ass mark, I’d get that fixed, I’d also fix all those nasty macules all over her body…GROSS.

  25. BoredToTears

    Wilmer must have a giant willy. That’s the only thing that can explain how much game he has with these Hollywood chicks. The giant willy does it every time.

  26. roofie

    Now children, that’s a freckle on her lip. Not the herp. But she is still nasty and looks like she’s aged about 30 years. I hope she dies young. :)

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