Lindsay Lohan and her dad are saints

September 18th, 2007 // 53 Comments

Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael Lohan visited her in rehab a month ago. He had remained quiet on the visit until now. Michael talked to the U.K.’s News of the World about Lindsay’s improvement. Here’s what he had to say, as reported by Star Magazine:

On the first time seeing his daughter in years
“As soon as I arrived, Lindsay rushed into my arms and curled up in my lap and sobbed like a baby. Lindsay said, ‘Daddy, I have done some terrible things and been addicted to drugs but please believe me I will never do drugs again.’”

On how his divorce from Dina Lohan affected Lindsay
“Lindsay said since me and her mom had split her life had just not been the same. My heart ached and I was racked with guilt.”

On Lindsay’s current state
He says Lindsay is enthusiastic about her new lifestyle in rehab. She spends most of her hours scribbling song ideas on a notepad, gardening, and caring for the center’s horses.
“These are the things normal people take for granted. Things which Lindsay has not done for a long time because she has been wasted on drugs. I have seriously not seen her this happy in years.”

On the state of another troubled starlet
“You only have to look at the poor state Britney Spears is in to know living in Hollywood is not good for these young girls. Lindsay and I both pray Britney can turn her life around too.”

Lindsay Lohan and her dad are praying for Britney Spears. I want to say I can come up with a funnier punch-line, but, seriously, how do you beat that? I’ve written some hilarious shit in my day, but that takes the cake. Michael, I’m sending you my King of Comedy crown. Yeah, it might be a Burger King crown with “King Funny” written in magic marker, but wear it proudly. I don’t know how to get the French fry smell off of it. Maybe you can ask Britney Spears. When you’re done praying for her soul, of course. Ha! Michael Lohan, ladies and gentleman. The true master of comedy.


  1. booyah

    you are not first

  2. Mdiz

    First? Whooo

  3. soy

    she’s a skank
    he’s a skank

  4. Mdiz


  5. Riotboy

    Can’t ….seem….to….give….a…..damn.

    /Captain Kirk voice

  6. If Michael Lohan was my dad, I’d get back on drugs. Hard drugs.

  7. jrzmommy

    Lindsay’s prayer…..”Dear God….please let me get out of this place soon…the drinks are totally watered down and the coke is low grade and please let Britney Spears get pushed in front of a transit train so she’ll stop doing drugs.”

  8. LadyJane

    Yep, us ‘normal” people… we sure do take stuff for granted… all I ever do is lounge and pet horsies, and write deep meaningful lyrics for my upcoming album. Forget the business of working, cleaning the house, feeding my kids and other stuff, like wiping bums and snotty noses.

  9. jrzmommy

    Now Jane….you know you lounge on the nude beach all day. HAHA!!!!

  10. LadyJane

    Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. See? Normal people….

  11. tee hee

    curled up on his lap and swallowed his McDicker with her who ha. Nothin’ says lovin’ like daddy in your muffin.

  12. Ooba Gooba

    Jeez……..she’ll be back on the coke within an hour after getting out of rehab, and hitting the clubs the very same night.

  13. Britney

    I’m the one

  14. obligatory

    “As soon as I arrived, Lindsay rushed into my arms and curled up in my lap and then said, ‘Dad, how many times do I have to tell you? I don’t like it when you put your hand on the back of my head’.”

  15. Kutch

    Do you believe the Lindsay Lohan addicted to sex rumor?

    Vote here:

  16. smegma

    She loves the horses and spends lots of time with them because they’re the only ones that fit snugly now.

  17. edUcate

    not worth fucking

  18. Spanky

    He fucked her. bet on it.

  19. robert doosh


  20. Reggie

    She appointed him “Rear Admiral” and then showed him around her room.

  21. july

    superficial guy I LOVE YOU, u make my 9 to5 a little more bearable

  22. Blue Dress

    Immediately after her dad left Lindsay had a snowballing fight with her friends.

  23. Sheva

    This guy needs to stop being such a damn attention freak. He keeps coming back to focusing on himself.

    We’ve all beaten on this chick and hey I know I led the way. I’ve reveled in calling her the best Lowhore in the world and she’s been an absolute twat.

    But to be fair, she’s just a kid and she got caught up with a lot of crap and had no guidance and most importantly no family to say no. Her mom is an ass who wants to be part of the party not a parent. How pathetic.

    So you know what. Between her and that twit Brit, I’m going to say this one is salvageable. So if she cleans up the drugs at least she has a chance to find out how to become a decent human being.

    Okay, this is shocking but that girl needs redemption. Maybe she can find it.

  24. Spanky

    “But to be fair, she’s just a kid and she got caught up with a lot of crap and had no guidance and most importantly no family to say no. ”

    Fuck fair. No one likes a quitter. If she couldn’t handle her drugs she should have stayed in Utah or wherever the fuck she’s from.

  25. lambman

    Its true, I always take my ability to scribble songs on a notepad for granted, just like all those hours I spend taking care of horses.

    speaking of horses, Michael sure sounds like a horse’s ass.

  26. p0nk

    They took some pictures at the end of the visit and in most of them Michael seems to be smelling his fingers.

  27. ssdd

    On the first time seeing his daughter in years

    “As soon as I arrived, Lindsay rushed into my arms and curled up in my lap and began stroking my dick just like I use to instruct her to do. Lindsay said, ‘Daddy, I have done some terrible things and been blowing the counselors but please believe me I will never do anyone but you again.’”

  28. LL

    It’s a good thing I’m not religious, or Hollywood types (and Hollywood wannabe types) would bug the shit out of me with their BS about “praying” and “spirituality.”

    Although this does kinda explain a lot. If the Lohans have been praying for Britney, maybe that’s why her life has turned into a big shit sandwich. God heard the prayers of the Lohans, automatically assumed that whatever they want can’t be good, and did the exact opposite. That’s just common sense.

  29. She hasn’t done normal stuff because she’s been wasted on drugs? I thought it was because she’d been supporting her parasite parents since she was a baby

  30. Lindsay

    “Um…my dad brought me a sandwich with lots of mayonnaise on it…yeah, that’s it…”

  31. Hecubus

    Hahahaha, scribbling songs in her notepad. Oh yeah, she’s getting through this hard time by pouring her feelings into incredibly personal lyrics like, ‘Love you so much, I love your touch. I need your love, it comes from above’. I mean I really can’t wait for this new album I bet it’s going to be the most stunningly deep and personal expression of the torment of the human soul since Dylan’s mid 60s stuff.

  32. Haywood Jablowme

    What he didn’t realize is that she was just writting down the lyrics for Clapton’s “Cocaine” over and over like Jack Nicholson in the Shining.

  33. BlohansDeviatedSeptum

    Change “caring” for the horses to “Felating” the horses and I might believe it.

  34. i thought lindsay n dad were enemies?

  35. PrettyBaby

    #32 Hilarious!

  36. LauraE

    >>>>>>> It’s a good thing I’m not religious, or Hollywood types (and Hollywood wannabe types) would bug the shit out of me with their BS about “praying” and “spirituality.” <<<<<<<

    #28, only Hollywood types ? Why ? They are not the most dangerous hypocrites out there ! Unfortunately…

  37. p0nk

    Now all the horses say it hurts when they pee.

  38. jrzmommy

    37–whether you are really p0nk or not, that’s fucking hilarious.

  39. Shaenew

    I feel ashamed I’ve been SO ungrateful!!! I I totally take for granted playing with horses in my $800 pair of boots and matching Gucci riding outfit. Does this guy ever STFU?

  40. Yourfairytale

    Wah wah.. My parents are divorced, just like millions of other people’s parents. That makes my life *so* hard. Shut up Lindsay you wimpy bitch!

  41. FRT

    Nice to see Lindsay and her dad made up. Family reunions always bring a tear to my eye.
    Now that they’ve made up from their long time separation…I bet they’ll end up like Tony Curtis and his daughter Jamie-Lee? They used to sit up all night sucking on the crack pipe & downing scotch together and reminiscing about the good old days!

  42. Waaaa

    Apparently regular people spend their days writing songs, gardening and petting horses…I really should stop taking my horses for granted….

  43. jenn

    You’re funny!

  44. lopelus

    I think it’s funny when he calls her activities in rehab “things normal people take for granted”. She’s living in the lap of luxury. Pretty sure any day I have to just lounge, play with horses, scribble and garden instead of working and being responsible is not going to be one I take for granted.

  45. Brinkman

    I can only hope Lindsay’s Dad comforted her the way all fathers should — by blasting a hot load of his white, wet paternal love all over her freckly, detoxing face. (That’s what I would have done.)

  46. The Fabulous Armand

    Where can I get one of those “FAITH” hats? Except I would want mine to say “BULLSHIT” or “PR STUNT.”

  47. George

    I think praying for each other is a good thing — so if Michael Lohan meant that he and Lindsay Lohan were literally praying for Britney Spears, I’m in favor of it. Prayer matters!

  48. Proud Parent

    My 11 year old daughter is concerned with her future generation by those who are influenced by the likes of Britney and Lohan. Hopefully there are more young people like my daughter.

  49. unicornzrawk

    #16 hahahhaha

  50. max

    any and all good music is made on drugs.

    rehab is for american sluts

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