Lindsay Lohan’s PR Manager Dropped Her, I Can’t Imagine Why

“Allo? Je suis quiero сосать for bir tane kilo de cocaína.”

Noted polyglot and savior to low-energy refugee children, Lindsay Lohan, just suffered a major blow to her spotless, has-it-all-going-for-her reputation. Presumably after receiving no less than one million calls from his peers who just laughed hysterically into the phone in response to Lindsay’s “accent video,” her longtime publicist, Hunter Frederick, decided he was ready to start paying for his blow jobs like a grown-up, and dropped her ass. Via Page Six:

Page Six has exclusively learned that last week Frederick dropped the troubled actress, 30, after a screaming match over a potential news story.

“You never know what Lindsay you’re going to get. One second she’s in a great mood and wanting to get things back together, and the next you can’t say anything to make her happy,” a source told Page Six.

And I know what we’re all thinking right now, “Wait, Lindsay Lohan had a fucking publicist?!” What the hell must that guy’s life have been like over the past few years?

*answers phone* “Eye contact is forty-five extra, look, your concierge should have all of the rate info, we send it all over the globe.”
*answers phone* “Yes, Mike, I’ve told her you called. Yes, she knows your vagina-kickers are scuffed.”
*answers phone* “I’m sorry I don’t speak Russian, but if you can understand me, the answer is yes to whatever you’re asking.”
*answers phone* “Yes, of course you can pay extra for her to put the cut off finger in your butt.”
*answers phone* “Okay Mike, I can tell it’s you doing a weird voice. Yes, the vagina kick shoe money request gave it away.”

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