Lindsay Lohan’s Porn Star Role is a ‘Bad Move’

The Superficial / June 29, 2010

Thanks to shitty decision-making being an integral genome of Lohan DNA, Lindsay is banking on her upcoming role as porn star Linda Lovelace to bounce her career back to its Mean Girls heyday. Except most film experts agree it will probably do the exact opposite because she’ll barely have to act in the thing. Hollywood Life reports:

“It’s not going to do any good for her already tarnished reputation — I think this movie hits a little too close to home. If she’s serious about getting her career back on track, she needs to take on a more mature and sophisticated role to show how her talent has progressed over the years.”
In the film, which is set to begin filming as early as August, Lindsay has filthy lines like, “Is there anything in this life I like more than cock sucking? Okay. Well, one thing. On OCCASION. I love it when my man Chuck socks it to me in the ass” and “I was put on this earth for one thing and one thing only — sucking a footlong cock!”
Even if the film is well-produced, directed and acted (three MAJOR ifs), there’s also the worry that audiences will feel uncomfortable watching the young starlet reenacting the hard-partying lifestyle that brought her to her current SCRAM-bracelet wearing state in the first place.
“My issue isn’t with the graphic sex and language, but I do think it will be painful to see a very sad person’s life opened up to the masses,” the casting director said, sympathizing, “Linda Lovelace’s life hits too close to home to Lindsay’s.”

So basically nobody wants to see 90 minutes of Lindsay’s life in the toilet because we see on it a daily basis. Got it. Granted this thing apparently has the greatest dialog known to man and deviant fucking, I don’t think there’s a soul among us who doesn’t look at Lindsay every single time and think, “I wonder how much penis she sucked for food and shelter today. Probably 11.” I can’t be the only one.

Photos: Splash News