Lindsay Lohan’s Necklace Case is Over

March 7th, 2011 // 61 Comments

For those of you hanging on to the extremely slim chance that Lindsay Lohan might be tossed in jail for her alleged jewelry theft, you can go back to waiting for her to run over a baby now. Apparently the jewelry store thought it’d be a great idea to sell the surveillance tape of Lindsay for $35,000 despite requests from the prosecution not to. TMZ reports:

Lindsay’s defense is that the necklace was a loan … the jeweler begged to differ. So intent is critical, and if the jeweler is called to the stand and admits this was just a convenient way of scoring some quick cash from the media, Kamofie will have about as much credibility as (insert favorite celebrity who lied in “comment” section).
We know lawyers in the case have been in touch with the people at Kamofie, trying to dissuade them from selling the tape … to no avail.

Since its sale, Lindsay now feels “vindicated” that the jewelry store was using her all along, and at this point, I don’t know how you can argue with that. Then again, there’s always the chance she was in on the sale, in which case everybody won because: A. No trial. B. She gets to look like the victim. And C. Everyone got paid. Of course, I’m also presupposing that Lindsay would be capable of such a plot instead of the more likely scenario that she was just going to wear a bikini to court. “Oh, I’ll take the stand your honor, but then who’s going to wash these jugs? These heaving, ample jugs. *whispers to lawyer* I replaced your court documents with a garden hose. You’re welcome.”

Photos: Getty


  1. Morden


    • testington

      I really don’t think she tried to steal the necklace. All the descriptions of the tape say she wore the necklace and then talked to the owner for several minutes before leaving, so clearly only one of two things happened:

      1) Lindsay forgot she was wearing it (high people forget shit all the time)

      2) The owner told her she could borrow it and then made up the “theft” allegations knowing Lohan has 0 credibility and a criminal record.

  2. Aya

    i read it as lindsay lohan nicolas cage is over

  3. Mr. T


  4. Ruth

    George W. Bush.

    Not a celeb, but famous enough, no?

  5. i like lohead’s way of “winning” better

  6. Cock Dr

    It’s about time for her to wreck a car; maybe run over a baby stroller and/or crippled war vet.

    • JC

      I’m pretty sure she could drive over a crippled infant war veteran with a beer bottle between her teeth, a needle hanging out of her arm, and the Lindbergh baby in the backseat, and she still wouldn’t go to prison. Her only chance at real jail time is to run over another, more popular celebrity.

      • vitobonespur

        As I sit here, a lightbulb appears over my head…

        Win/win scenario: Lindsay runs over Charlie Sheen. Then we’re rid of the both of them!

  7. Gavagai

    The most offensive aspect of this whole affair is that you chose to post of picture of her in a sweater.

  8. Lindsay Lohan
    slappy magoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow is her nose getting out of whack. Not to get all “if you’re not a perfect 10 just kill yourself-y,” but you can tell she clearly favors snorting coke from the left nostril.

  9. That Bastard Tony

    Well by my account the last celebrity to go to Oz was OJ and he had to do a LOT to get there. In order for Lohan (and Charlie Sheen for that matter) to go to prison, she would have to become one of us again, i.e. an ordinary person. This means that she would have to had been out of the media for 8 to 10 years, have an ordinary day job and have NO celebrity power whatsoever. As long as she stays in the news and she keeps getting roles no matter how big, first-degree murder STILL won’t get this bitch incarcerated.

  10. Silvio Burlisconni

    Say what you want about the girl’s personal life, those are a fabulous set of sweater puppies, and I’d let her steal from my family jewelry store anytime.

  11. Bill Clinton's zipper

    The judge isn’t bound by what the media thinks is law . The judge will have to clearly determine what Lindsay’s intent was .
    Do you think her intent was to borrow the necklace ? What policy does the Jewler have ?
    The judge will look at the facts in the case .
    Object lesson in why you should stay in school and practice thinking every day unlike the islamists

  12. Gimme a Break!

    Please send her to jail. PLEASE!

    The every-bitch-wants-a-piece-of-my-goodies jail. Complete with hidden cameras.

  13. Deacon Jones

    Lookin good Lindsay!

    Now get those puppies in an undersized bikini and hit the beach to celebrate

  14. Talk Hard

    Those sweater puppies are yearning to break free!

  15. Milo

    Why is the case over? Because TMZ or Fish says it is based on the sale of the tape? Let’s wait for the judge to make that determination. Until then, I’m holding out hope that she’s tossed in the clink.

    • In reality, hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs man’s torments. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

    • Ed

      It’s over because the witness has no credibility. The prosecutor would be insane/ or at least in for a really bad if he put up a “victim/witness” who made $35,000 off the ordeal. Reasonable doubt exists that he made the whole thing up just for that paycheck.

  16. herbiefrog

    well that’s pretty black and white then : ))


  17. Leo Cocksuckerian

    Don’t get me wrong, I’d play with those things all day long, but they are really beginning to sag. At least when she’s 35 they’ll keep her shoes dry in a storm.

  18. TomFrank

    There’s no hyphen in “presuppose.”

  19. So much publicity for someone with so little talent (other than being a big-boobed ginger). Hmmmm…. maybe I should go on a coke-fueled, jewelery-stealing, lesbian-dj-loving, inappropriately-dressing rampage. Anyone have the phone number for Atlanta’s paparazzi?????

  20. Damn, talk about “sweater puppies.” Hot hot hot.

    • Johnny Cage

      Takin’ more than her share
      had me fightin’ for air
      she told me to cum
      but I was already there

      • Angus Young

        You owe me five dollars Aussie for reprinting that, mate. That’s i believe almost a quarter in your currency

  21. This isn’t going to have any effect on the case at all. There is no legal reason the store can’t sell a copy of the tape, it’s their property and it in no way taints the evidence. The best the defense can argue is that it’s “about money” for the store (um..that IS what retail stores exist for).

    People get confused about this non-trivial issue of law all the time. When you’re on trial for committing a crime, the motivations of other people don’t matter…you have to prove YOU didn’t do it. and in this case, Lindsay is caught dead to rights.

  22. winter

    Oh thank goodness. I was losing sleep over this.

  23. she is a little old for your tastes isnt she Silvio? Send her to Sardinia to see me and Ill play with those puppies. Forza Milan!!

  24. I wonder if she gives back “pearl neclaces”?

    • My Cheatin' Dick

      Yea, seeing Lins in this tight sweater made me want to give hera pearl necklace but hearing her gag while I was balls deep in her throat would just make me shhot it straight into her stomach

  25. the way it is

    People are going to see what they want to see. Those that want to throw Lindsay under the jail will say the video proves she’s guilty. Those that say the store knew she had the necklace [Team Lohan/Nicole] will say the tape proves this. Legally, it’s pretty much a zero sum gain. Lindsay’s attorney can point that Kamofie sold the tape and had gained financally from it and thus don’t have “clean hands” themselves. Mayers will point out that they did this to try and show that they had a legitamit claim of being wronged. Kamofie will say that it was nessessary to sell the tape to try and recoup some of the losses they suffered due to the slander [Team Lohan and Nicole?] that was being spread about them.

    From a PR standpoint it’s a slam dunk for the jewler. Being accused of stealing is bad, having it memorialize on video for half the planet to see from this day forward is devastating. There have always been accusations of pilfridge swerling around Lindsay. CNN compiled a list of around two dozen such incidents, but having a video of the (alledged) theft out there leaves very little doubt for most people to form a reasoned opinion.

    In 2001 Winona Ryder was arrested for shoplifting, and with a few exceptions hasn’t been able to find any real work since her conviction. Prior to 2001 there were never any accusations of impropriety surrounding her, and she certainly was never accused of being unprofessional. Lindsay enjoys neither of these. Team Lindsay thought that by slandering Kamofie & Co to cost them thier livelihood would help Lindsay, in the end the only one who will be unable to find any real work will be Lindsay.

  26. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    Heroin chic style make-up? That ain’t no make-up

  27. Lindsey, next time steal a pearl necklace. The comments will be funnier.

  28. herbiefrog

    is that what we sposed to call…

    b u r n e d >? ? ?

  29. Bill Clinton's zipper

    Lindsay has been rubbing the judge’s nose in it for a while . He may not want to give her the benefit of the doubt . I am sure he say the “F U ” fingernails in the press as well. She may want to pack her bags on Wednesday

  30. mike

    LiLo is bulletproof. She is America’s version of Silvio Berlusconi.

  31. Burt

    Vindicated? The only thing it proves is that the owner of the store felt 35000$ was hard to pass up. It’s at least 20 times what they paid for the necklace she was accused of stealing, after all.

  32. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey Lindsey … I got a pearl necklace you can wear

  33. alex

    That is good, cause why they din’dt try to stop her ,on her way out the door ,its not like she held up the place . I think she outs sue the jewelry store

  34. htinlinko

    hi, lindsay
    you are pretty girl.she is beautiful.i love you.

  35. please just lead this chick to the nearest strip joint and introduce her to a pole…it’s where she’ll end up anyway…

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