Lindsay Lohan’s Hit-And-Run Case Moves to D.A., State of California Dies a Little More Inside

Posted by Photo Boy

Since the formal part of Lindsay Lohan’s probation ended, she’s demonstrated that she’s done partying and is keeping herself out of trouble. That’s why it’s so unfortunate that just two weeks before being released from the ever-watchful eye of the California Penal System she fled the scene of a hit-and-run outside of a nightclub. So now that case is being passed to the D.A. which means there’s going to be an epic paper airplane race later today in their offices. TMZ reports:

Sources close to the investigation tell us, after looking at videos and conducting interviews, there isn’t enough evidence to prove a crime, but the D.A. will have the final say.

Look, I understand that going through the motions of this investigation is a legal responsibility of the state, but would anybody even be surprised at this point if they were to just to release a statement like:

Dear taxpayers,
We sincerely apologize for the waste of your time and money on the continuing charade of Lindsay Lohan’s legal proceedings. Trust us, we’re completely fine with letting her just get away with hitting people with cars, buying drugs openly in the street, stealing jackets, stealing necklaces and assaulting people in bars almost all while on probation. However, without making it seem like we give a shit, there would be chaos in the streets. Please know that in our hearts we stand with you in wishing for her untimely death. To ease this pain, we would like to remind you of the year-round temperate climate that you enjoy as well as our wonderfully lax restrictions on obtaining a medical marijuana license. Hopefully now we can all move forward, but again, Lindsay’s never going to jail. Can’t make that any more clear.

Photo: Fame/Flynet