Lindsay Lohan’s Hit-And-Run Case Moves to D.A., State of California Dies a Little More Inside

May 3rd, 2012 // 24 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

Since the formal part of Lindsay Lohan‘s probation ended, she’s demonstrated that she’s done partying and is keeping herself out of trouble. That’s why it’s so unfortunate that just two weeks before being released from the ever-watchful eye of the California Penal System she fled the scene of a hit-and-run outside of a nightclub. So now that case is being passed to the D.A. which means there’s going to be an epic paper airplane race later today in their offices. TMZ reports:

Sources close to the investigation tell us, after looking at videos and conducting interviews, there isn’t enough evidence to prove a crime, but the D.A. will have the final say.

Look, I understand that going through the motions of this investigation is a legal responsibility of the state, but would anybody even be surprised at this point if they were to just to release a statement like:

Dear taxpayers,
We sincerely apologize for the waste of your time and money on the continuing charade of Lindsay Lohan’s legal proceedings. Trust us, we’re completely fine with letting her just get away with hitting people with cars, buying drugs openly in the street, stealing jackets, stealing necklaces and assaulting people in bars almost all while on probation. However, without making it seem like we give a shit, there would be chaos in the streets. Please know that in our hearts we stand with you in wishing for her untimely death. To ease this pain, we would like to remind you of the year-round temperate climate that you enjoy as well as our wonderfully lax restrictions on obtaining a medical marijuana license. Hopefully now we can all move forward, but again, Lindsay’s never going to jail. Can’t make that any more clear.

Photo: Fame/Flynet

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  1. Dacon Jones

    Man, I’m falling asleep at the wheel this week…

  2. Yuuuuup

    Are her tits really so amazing that she can actually get away with absolutely anything she wants?

    Yes, yes they are.

    • No, No they are not. They hang down further than my granny’s and she died 35 years ago….Wait

    • are you blind?

      I’m going to assume you never saw her pics from New Yorker magazine where her cones hang half way to her navel. Cuz’ if you did you would never say such a thing.

  3. On Looker

    her looks are going downhill fast. It’s a trainwreck we won’t look away from

  4. God is Black

    This Bitch is like “Teflon Gotti” but remember folks even shit sticks to Teflon given time! I pray for that day…

  5. USDA Prime McBeef

    I want to play with those titties so bad I filled up a couple red toed tube socks with sand and knocked them around for a bit.

  6. poon

    I loves me some California medical weed. I just go to the pot store and buy what I want.

  7. OK, where in the hell is she that she needs a parka the size of Kim’s ass to keep warm.

  8. YEAHISAIDIT

    She look more beautiful with each passing day!!! MAN SHES HOT!!!!

  9. Boo

    Wasn’t that hit-and-run the one where she wasn’t even the one driving and the dude made it up?

  10. sheelly

    I was so proud of your work this week, Photo Boy, until today. You wrote, ” She fled the scene of a hit-and-run…” That’s redundant. By its very definition, a hit and RUN is fleeing the scene.

  11. Photo Boy summed it up perfectly. Celebrities don’t go to jail for minor things like hitting people with their cars in California. Once you’re represented by the right people you will never see the inside of a jail cell.

  12. Lindsay Lohan Vikram Chatwal
    milkcerealbaby
    Commented on this photo:

    HoHan is looking a tad better these days, but she’s still a train wreck.

  13. logan

    I don’t care how big her sunglasses become or how many scarves she wraps around both her chins, it will never be enough. She is thisclose to walking around in a full face mask. Somethng that can’t come soon enough

  14. Suds

    Please tell me pastel puffy jackets from 1985 aren’t coming back.

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