Lindsay Lohan’s Gonna Get Shanked

July 22nd, 2010 // 34 Comments

Seen here being parodied in the Hustler film Lindsay Goes to Jail, Lindsay Lohan is already receiving special treatment in jail – including family visits during the week – which is causing her fellow inmates to get “pissy,” according to NY Daily News:

“She’s getting special treatment. Some inmates were getting pissy over it,” Debra Sickels, 30, said as she was released after doing 19 days for shoplifting.
Sickels said that during her stint, she was in the infirmary every day for medical treatment, “and the girls said they cleaned a special room for Lindsay. It had a regular hospital bed, a TV and a dresser for her new clothes and socks.”
Other just-sprung inmates said they heard Lohan was paying for special food and new clothes and had a female guard at her disposal and access to a private phone.

Naturally the prison is denying such treatment, which is exactly what I would do after the Keurig arrived. Have you ever used one of those things? It’s the closest we’ll get to having coffee served to us like we’re on the Enterprise. “One cup please.” ZZZAP! I’d let Lindsay have a TV for that, but that’s also why I’m no longer a prison guard. And, okay, the tickle fights.

Photos: Splash News


  1. ELH

    Like no one say this coming.

  2. That’s really not a funny headline. Not making excuses for what Lindsay does, but you want should be stabbed for it? Raise the bar, just a little?

    • zing

      I think he meant shanked by a penis in the Hustler film.

    • Robot

      I think he meant it in a literal sense. I am not sure, but chances are this a a little minimum security prison so the worse that would happen is a group of women will beat her down and one body guard wouldn’t help. Yeah i agree wanting her to be shanked is a little much.
      Also is she in jail or is this like her settling for a 3 star hotel and not a 5 star…?

      • Vito

        Are you people really that stupid that you don’t get it when someone is being facetious? Fer fucksake!

        And frankly, if I were locked up and some snively-assed little brat was getting special treatment, I’d be very tempted to, at the very least, light her hair on fire and kick her down a flight of stairs.

  3. Crusty

    I agree with wholeheartedness the point Fishy is making here.

    The Keurig makes a seriously delicious cup of coffee.

  4. Taz

    what is the porn star’s name?

  5. Samantha Bushlicker

    Shes in solitary 23 hrs a day and is in single supervised isolation the other hour…couldnt get shanked and shes not getting anything but a hairier bush and panty crickets. I can smell the pungent aroma from here.

    Hurry Home LiLo!

  6. phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    A porn star with less stds than lohan, she’s even fuckable, my dick would fall off if i even touched lindsay

  7. Deacon Jones

    They shouldve cast a 50 year old women with an electronic voicebox.

  8. ktulu
    Commented on this photo:

    lets fucking hope so

  9. mike

    something tells me LiLo will be having a healthy career of going in and out of prison.

  10. aristotrash

    Wow, that actress looks so much like her. Or maybe it’s more that Lindsay looks like a porn actress – either way.

  11. Photoshop Police

    It’s ‘shank or be shanked, of course’ :-)

  12. MikeNike

    Man oh man, we have to admit it. We are making this bitch famous. What has she done lately?

  13. Ron Burgandy's Ballsack

    I wish this porn star fluffed my nutter.

  14. Commented on this photo:


  15. Double-J

    The Return of Alicia Silverstone!

  16. Bunny

    Who is that black lady supposed to be? The Prison Warden? Does Lindsay have to lick her snatch for special treatment or something? Are the other inmates “pissy” because she isn’t eating their pussies?

    I think I just made up the whole premise for a Lindsay prison porn. You can thank me later.

  17. burton
    Commented on this photo:

    this chick looks nicer..even for a drugged out loser porn hoe.

  18. joho777
    Commented on this photo:

    I don’t bother with porn any more, but I think I have to see this one.

    But I don’t know how even Hustler could make her life any more funny or pathetic than Lindsay Lohan already has.

  19. Tanzarian

    What does it say when the porn star is hotter than Lindsay?

  20. Lindsay Lohan

    I hope she gets murdered on the bball court. Seriously. Murdered.

  21. Alu
    Commented on this photo:

    huh, the dirty porn star version of her looks cleaner and less drugged up than the real version, figures

  22. captain america

    aren’t there important things happening in the united states?

  23. AHole

    Vic: See that one-niner over there? I’ve done a few favors for his crew out on the street. He’s willing to pay me back. One phonecall from me… and you’re greenlit!
    Navaro: Greenlit?
    Vic: It’s an American prison term. It means you’ll be shanked in the shower asshole, bleed out before the guards even know you’re late for breakfast.

    I’m going out looking for a payphone :D

  24. Darth

    Did LiLo lose some weight?!

  25. EYLF

    Glad to see Alicia Silverstone is getting work.

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