After word got out that Lindsay Lohan failed not just one, but two drug tests, she did what any responsible public figure would do in her situation: Tweeted a bunch of bullshit and then went out partying that very night (above). Although in her defense, she was supervised by the smartest man alive the entire time. “Whoa, wait! Paparazzi. — I better hold your breast.”
Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result. Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn’t go away over night. I am working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps forward every day. I am testing every single day and doing what I must do to prevent any mishaps in the future. This was certainly a setback for me but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I’m prepared to face the consequences. I am so thankful for the support of my fans, loved ones and immediate family, who understand that i am trying hard, but also that I am a work in progress, just as anyone else. I am keeping my faith, and I am hopeful….Thank you all!!!
In the meantime, friends are now coming forward to reveal just how seriously Lindsay took her court-ordered stay in rehab that ended after a comically short two weeks. Via People:
“She did not work the steps inside the program, and did not come out changed whatsoever. She’s exactly the same girl as before jail time and rehab.”
The friend added: “She did whatever she could to leave rehab early. It was her mission. I’m not sure how, but they let her out much sooner than anyone advised.”
At this point, she obviously doesn’t fear another stint in rehab, or that resort place (“Jail,” I want to say it’s called?), so there’s really no other choice but to attempt a radical form of treatment to exorcise Lindsay’s demons: Bet her an eight ball she can’t OD to death in under a minute. I know, I know, it’s crazy. But it just might work because she’s an addict so forget that “might” part. LET’S CURE THAT JUNKIE! *runs out the door*
Photos: Splash News