Lindsay Lohan Was Only Drinking Shirley Temples. Of Course.

December 22nd, 2010 // 39 Comments

With Lindsay Lohan surprisingly having the benefit of the doubt regarding her allegedly returning to her sober house drunk and assaulting a Betty Ford staffer, leave it to Team Lohan (Read: Dina and Michael who are clearly the sources here.) to not be able to keep their mouth shut and simply ride this thing out. Here’s their latest bullshit excuse claiming Lindsay was innocently drinking Shirley Temples because she’s eight now. TMZ reports:

Sources close to LiLo say the only thing she was downing the night in question were Shirley Temples.
We’re told Linday met up with a friend at the Viceroy Hotel in Palm Springs, CA on December 11 to have her hair done. While there, our sources say Lindsay knocked back the non-alcoholic mixed drink … along with an order of equally non-toxic french fries.

First off, the only people who order Shirley Temples are little kids trying to make waiters kill themselves. FACT. Second, with parents like this, how the hell is this chick not dead yet? I might talk a lot of shit about my folks being super-religious, but at least I know – much like a lot of you probably do – that if I ever pulled a stunt like this they’d go, “Oh, yeah, that jackass was drunk,” then make sure I got the help I needed instead of trying to jam me through rehab as soon as possible to leech off my nuts. (Or fire-flaps in this case.) It’s literally a miracle Lindsay doesn’t wake up one morning to Michael tossing her over the wall of Betty Ford because he’s behind on child support again. “Daddy needs you to drive into a daycare while I take photos, sweetheart. I promise I’ll take you for ice- Shit, I forgot your purse. — Your mother will take us for ice cream.”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. dengue fever

    F!RSTARDED!

  2. Que

    Que shurely temple con tequilo.

  3. abe vigoda's eyebrows

    LIAR,

    she violated probation by even being in a bar. Throw her ass in jail.

  4. Turd Ferguson

    Lindsey is that festering PIMPLE on the ass of society that you cant quite pop.

  5. karen

    “Lindsay Lohan Was Only Drinking Shirley Temple’s Squirts”

    fixed

  6. Lindsay and Miley were having a Shirley Temple and Salvia party to celebrate the fact that Americans are stupid and will believe anything they tell us.

    And then they shot a cop and said “whadda ya gonna do? we’re RICH bitches!”

  7. Jeffrey Dahmer

    I can vouch for Lindsay. She drank Shirley Temples. Just like I made all those people take “love naps”.

  8. Maybe her friend was named Shirley Temple, which explains why they were at a hotel.

  9. Richard McBeef

    sweet amulet, lindsay.

  10. Dan

    I think she could actually recover from this if she moved away from her parents and other enablers for a period of a couple years.

    This doesn’t look like it is going to happen.

    • That ship has sailed over and over again. At this point, she’d have to be cloistered in an Eastern European convent for a decade to stand any chance of recovery.

  11. Jammy

    I am Damn sick of hearing about this bitch already. Can’t she just overdose and get it over with already!

    • monito

      HAVENT YOU LEARN ANYTHNG????

      What about Michael JAckson?? a total freak, pedofile, rapist, weirdo, he dies adn the whole world is still crying, calling him mesiah ,

      if she died, you wouldnt stop hearing about it for 2 years, thanks to the E channel

  12. The Farting Commenter

    *braaap* Lindsay might be telling the truth *brrrrrippp* because these days she can’t get alcohol *phhhfpt* over those ridiculous duck lips *brrraaaaaaaaaapppppp*

  13. I think Lindsay made my point with that pic. Those lips are only good for one thing…..

  14. jojo

    A Shirley Temple made from Miley’s bong-water maybe.

  15. Racer X

    What a waste of air. Hurry up and die already!!!

    /gettin’ sick of this SHIT

    • Jay

      Nah, I’d rather have Megan Fox die.

      • Pangulin

        Given her present rate of weight loss,I think Megan is more likely to just blow away! Which now that I consider the fact that she and BAG might actually contribute to the gene pool,isn’t so bad an idea! BAG, what a great set of initials Brian Austin Green has, very fitting!

  16. Yeah. It’s typically when I’ve been drinking Shirley Temples that I refuse a breathalizer test.

  17. timbo

    Hasn’t TMZ interviewed anyone at the hotel bar yet? Surely someone there will claim to have mixed her a drink or was hanging out at the bar.

  18. Marco

    Shirley Temples! That’s funny on many levels. Does anybody here know who Shirley Temple was?

    • Pangulin

      Curly haired moppet from the ’30′s and ’40s cinema known as “America’s Sweetheart”, she was perhaps this country’s youngest superstar. She later was named a U.S.Ambassador to Ghana in the 1970′s and Czechoslovakia in the 1980′s under her married name, Shirley Temple Black!

  19. dismayed

    please throw her in jail. for a year or more. real jail.

    like they would have done with ANY OF US…

    unless of course we, the general public (the unwashed masses?), can use the same excuse and use her as precedent.

    good thinking!

    it’s all about precedent.

  20. monito

    for any girls that happen to read this site,
    What lindsay is wearing, that top with the jacket, HOTTEST THING EVER!!!!!!

    I really wish Girls did that more often, go out with stuff on like that, that is the hottest top evefr

  21. Pangulin

    If anyone should go to jail, it is Michael and Dina Lohan. They should be sent to jail for the crime of impersonating real parents and posing as human beings when in reality they are nothing but extremely large leeches!
    Not only would their being jailed possibly save Lindsay, a fact which seems quite doubtful, it could also save their other two children from a similar fate.
    Isn’t being a pimp illegal in California and New York? I ask because I think that is what the parents are,pimps!

  22. Lindsay Lohan
    Pangulin
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF Why is Lindsay wearing a medicine pouch on a braided rawhide lanyard? Did someone tell her that Native Americans have magical protection against being a booze hound, which they carry in a pouch around their necks? If so, they lied!

  23. kai

    She is still sick! Her home must be rehab right now! Or else partis-troubles=prison!

  24. wim

    those lips NEED alcohol.

  25. whitepuzzylovah returns

    Man the nasty things I’d do to her. In the next 90 minutes I’m going to show her that all her problems can be solved by my penis…

  26. Burt

    Someone needs to tell her that when you put vodka in a Shirley Temple, it’s called a Dirty Shirley.

Leave A Comment