Lindsay Lohan Released From Rehab, Already Pissing Me Off

January 3rd, 2011 // 35 Comments

“Mmm.. Do they still make those drugs I like?”

[Editor’s Note: As I was typing this post, Lindsay was released from rehab, so enjoy all this stuff I wrote speculating on when she’d get out and inevitably drive over our faces.]

Earlier this morning, reports suggested Lindsay Lohan, who’s free to leave rehab today, was going to stick around for more treatment which immediately sounded like bullshit to anyone with even a passing knowledge of her. Turns out she’s sticking around because her beach house isn’t ready yet. RadarOnline reports:

“Even though Lindsay is free from the court order on January 3, she has decided she only wants to be released from Betty Ford once her new living arrangements are complete and ready for her arrival,” an insider close to Lohan’s camp said.
“In the event her the home is ready, she will be released Monday — if not, it could be Tuesday.”

Jesus. Leave it to Lindsay Lohan to treat a court-ordered rehab stint like a goddamn hotel stay.

DINA: You ready to go, honey? We can check into the Four Seasons until your place is ready.
LINDSAY: Nah, I’m going to hang out here. Their massages are to die for.
DINA: Really? But.. but.. how will you drink?
LINDSAY: Wait. You mean there’s not gin in your purse? Oh, God, the room’s getting smaller…
DINA: HA! Kidding! Now quick before the nurse comes. Pretend it’s your eighth birthday. Chug, chug, chug, chug!

Photos: Getty


  1. Facebook me

    This bitch has totally made a mockery of the judical system with her fucked-up parents enabling her. If I was to ever want to commit a crime, LA is the place to be. Fuck it.

    • The California Judicial system is a joke for being the mockery. OJ anyone? Lindsay is in a long line of people who have been able to make a mockery of the states legal systems.

  2. frank n beans

    “mmmmmust…get…last of blow off my lips…”

  3. Release the Crack Hen!

  4. Gary B

    Okay let me get this straight, Lindasy is let of out rehab every other week, but Demi has been in treatment for 2 months now, only got a pass for a afternoon on xmas.

    Why? Because unlike Lohan, Lovato is taking her recovery seriously.

  5. Nerd

    It has to OD next. What the hell else does Gollum have in its repertoire?

  6. tally

    don’t hate on lindsay. you seem to be doing this ONLY to lindsay lohan. what did she ever do to you. STOP PICKING ON HER BECAUSE SHE’S ALWAYS BEEN THE TARGET! GET A LIFE SUPERFICIAL WRITER.

    • lightdragon

      dear Criss Croc wanna be. Get a life. if any Dina lohan will be on your sorry ass.

      i had shit from Rose McGowan’s people a few years ago. anyway look what it did for her career.

  7. lightdragon

    “it’s been so long since i had blow, i forgot what it tastes like. what is it, like 2 minutes?”

  8. Lady Blah Blah

    She’s looking more and more like her mom. And with her tongue in that position, what’s she looking at, Sam Ronson’s crotch?

  9. Sarah M

    What’s this? I can still taste some coke in my dried nap drool.

  10. fish merkin

    I tot I ta a bag of crack. I did! I did see a bag of crack.

  11. datroof

    It was with genuine regret that I heard she got axed from playing Linda Lovelace. She’s got a face and lips made for fellatio.

    I’d fuck her six ways to sunday. And with this suitcase filled with bags of blow, she’d let me.

    • A suitcase filled with bags of blow yet you are on the Superficial, commenting about the lives of celebrities. Uhh huh …yeeeaaa, you don’t fit the profile.

    • Johnny Cage

      Not only would I get it on with her six ways to sunday, but I’d let her tie me upside down like a piñata and beat me with a rubber fish while she wears rain boots and listens to Michael Bolton CDs!

      • Vito

        OH YEAHHHH…???

        Well I’d fuck her NINE ways to Sunday. Stick that in your ass and see if it floats!

  12. superfish

    Lol@ stinky mcpoop!!

  13. krutboo

    look at that mouth. If she doesn’t suck a phat dick, then no one does!

  14. Lindsay Lohan
    Fatback Grossero
    Commented on this photo:

    God what a pose, I’d just shower her with semen

  15. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    she has creepy little bean teeth.. i never noticed.

  16. Life Serial

    She is looking a little Wildenstein-y here. I’d tell her to lay off the collagen if I thought she might be able to understand anything other than ‘blow’, ‘cock’, ‘money’ and ‘blow’.

  17. Matt

    After years of alcohol and drug abuse, Lindsey’s capacity to feel emotion has been completely crippled. Here, she demonstrates her complete range of emotional capacity: happy, confused, bored, frustrated and sad.

  18. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    It was at that moment her publicist turned on the tiny vibrator, sewn into Lindsay`s panties.

  19. jon and kate plus hate

    I don’t know why but she reminds me of that guitar player named Buckethead. Do any of you guys see it?

  20. wim

    to do anything at all?


  21. eric

    If she had been a black homeless woman, she’d be in jail for 15 years. Membership has its privileges.

  22. Lindsay Lohan
    Commented on this photo:

    first baby. what? no one cares?

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