Lindsay Lohan Wants A Baby, Can Almost Smell Those Sweet Rubles

We’re entering uncharted waters here as we’ve never seen her grift advance anywhere near this stage, but it seems Lindsay Lohan may be on the verge of locking down some legitimate international wealth via the child she’s probably already sabotaging condoms to produce. Via Life & Syle:

“Lindsay says she wants to be a mom,” says an insider. “Egor wants kids, and that’s how talk of a baby started.”

Granted, the possibility of a human child surviving being raised by Lindsay, let alone being grown inside of her is something science has neither the technology or ethical elasticity to achieve, but I will say this, she picked the perfect potential father for the attempt. If any nation on the planet has been evolving its people to thrive in a vodka bowl of a uterus then grow up in a wintry hellscape of neglect and pain, it’s Russia.

“Lindsay, vhy you take vitamin?”
“The doctor said it’s to help the baby’s development.”
“Doctor?! Vhy you no rub family donkey testicle vor luck like I say?!”

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