Lindsay Lohan Wants a Baby

When she’s not colliding into them with moving vehicles, Lindsay Lohan secretly plans to put a baby in her uterus in hopes that it will help get her shit together, and let’s assume be used for practice in the driveway so she doesn’t almost murder somebody else’s. With her car. Like that time that actually happened. — Lindsay Lohan hit a baby with her car. InTouch Weekly reports:

The star has confided to a pal that she’s determined to stay sober and thinks the best way for her to achieve that goal is to get pregnant. According to the pal, Lindsay, 24, hates being alone and thinks a baby would make the perfect companion. She’s seen what motherhood has done for former party girl Nicole Richie and thinks it can do the same for her. “She needs to be around someone nearly 24 hours a day,” the pal says. “She thinks having a baby could straighten out her life.”

I pretty much covered everything I wanted to say about this up top, so let’s end this sucker on the scariest note imaginable: They say we learn how to be parents, by watching our own.

(Tell me I’m not the only one who just pissed himself.)

Photos: Fame