When she’s not colliding into them with moving vehicles, Lindsay Lohan secretly plans to put a baby in her uterus in hopes that it will help get her shit together, and let’s assume be used for practice in the driveway so she doesn’t almost murder somebody else’s. With her car. Like that time that actually happened. — Lindsay Lohan hit a baby with her car. InTouch Weekly reports:
The star has confided to a pal that she’s determined to stay sober and thinks the best way for her to achieve that goal is to get pregnant. According to the pal, Lindsay, 24, hates being alone and thinks a baby would make the perfect companion. She’s seen what motherhood has done for former party girl Nicole Richie and thinks it can do the same for her. “She needs to be around someone nearly 24 hours a day,” the pal says. “She thinks having a baby could straighten out her life.”
I pretty much covered everything I wanted to say about this up top, so let’s end this sucker on the scariest note imaginable: They say we learn how to be parents, by watching our own.
(Tell me I’m not the only one who just pissed himself.)
Photos: Fame
gogo | September 9, 2010 at 12:20 pm
yeee FIRST
jez | September 9, 2010 at 12:20 pm
Please no more ranga’s
Matt | September 9, 2010 at 12:21 pm
Volunteer.
jdivo | September 9, 2010 at 12:24 pm
The only way this could be allowed (if even scientifically possible) would be if she agreed to be the exact opposite of Dina.
Let the floodgates open for the insane number of readers willing to sacrifice their man parts…
Lightdragon | September 9, 2010 at 4:43 pm
and I’ll be the first to sacrifice my sperm for it.
McFeely Smackup | September 9, 2010 at 12:24 pm
She’s a batshit crazy chick, so of course she wants a baby. duh
this is a joke, right? | September 9, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Lord I hope this isn’t true. I can’t imagine what a child of her’s would be put through; and with the child’s grandparents… This is not be good, not good at all.
chupacabra | September 9, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Is it just me, or is anyone else thinking … Trainspotting….
The Inquisition | September 9, 2010 at 8:47 pm
omg i am thinking that
Deacon Jones | September 9, 2010 at 12:28 pm
I’ll impregnant her in front of my girlfriend…
Oh, and having a baby as an alternative to getting hammered always works out great.
dudeatdudedotdude | September 9, 2010 at 12:33 pm
Lindsay, come to Va and i’ll get you pregnant AND rehabed, straight up.
fester | September 9, 2010 at 12:34 pm
It would make more sense for Paris Hilton to get pregnant. That way, the fetus could hold onto her stash.
Balzac | September 9, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Sounds like a great plan that is utilized the world over! What difference does it make; she’ll have a battery of servants to “help her out.” She won’t have to lift a coke-laden nicotine-stained finger to raise it.
Turd Ferguson | September 9, 2010 at 12:38 pm
What a fucked up, selfish, delusional psycho.
Nothing like great parenting giving her the tools to be a successful member of society with solid values.
Just die Lohan it would be easier on the world AND force your parents themselves to do something on their own.
(OK, it would also make me the champion in our Dead Pool.)
AJ | September 9, 2010 at 12:47 pm
can i volunteer to be her baby daddy? like right the eff now? lets do this shit
J | September 9, 2010 at 12:50 pm
This CANNOT happen. Someone sew her shut QUICK .
fester | September 9, 2010 at 1:03 pm
That’s just cruel, Punxsutawney Phil would suffocate.
J | September 9, 2010 at 3:07 pm
Oh, that’s where he lives? I had no idea. Carry on.
Mike Hawk | September 9, 2010 at 12:58 pm
She looks like Axl Rose with tits in that picture.
“Dont you cry ey ey tonight, I still love you baby…”
Mike Hawk | September 9, 2010 at 1:09 pm
She looks like Axl Rose with tits.
Clam Hamlin | September 9, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Axl Rose with tits is what she looks like.
DD | September 10, 2010 at 11:45 am
Put tits on Axl Rose, and that’s what she looks like.
McFeely Smackup | September 9, 2010 at 1:14 pm
I assume all of this means Lindsay will be basting herself with sperm round the clock…or in other words, business as usual.
herbiefrog | September 9, 2010 at 1:29 pm
roger wilco… ? : ))
KJ | September 9, 2010 at 1:43 pm
i’ll give her a baby.
Iveski | September 9, 2010 at 1:57 pm
Okay, lookit – let me tell you, from experience, that having kids makes you want to drink MORE, not LESS.
Also, +1 Interhatz for the “Trainspotting” comment. While I suspect the scene being referred to was the dead baby thing, I’ll wager that watching the kid be born would be quite a bit like the scene where Ewan McGregor crawls out of the worst toilet in Scotland.
BobbieSue | September 10, 2010 at 8:17 am
L-O-FUCKING-L!
JChief | September 9, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Fuck. With all those drugs and stds, this kid will look like that thing in Basket Case. Or “Slimer” from the Ghostbuster movies.
josh | September 9, 2010 at 2:36 pm
She should hurry before coke completely destroys her face.
Andriiya | September 9, 2010 at 3:03 pm
Is there any child endangerment laws that protect them before they are concieved? Lohan’s whole family should be spade and neutered ASAP.
grobpilot | September 9, 2010 at 3:45 pm
“Spayed”
j/k | September 9, 2010 at 3:46 pm
I think Francis Bean needs to tell her what its like to have a coked out whore for a mom.
S | September 9, 2010 at 4:46 pm
*Snap*
So true…
Lindsay Lover | September 9, 2010 at 4:27 pm
wont work
dont do it
na | September 9, 2010 at 4:35 pm
it bothers me that she would make this reason public. have your baby, but isn’t there any shame in doing it for your own personal self-improvement?
memem | September 9, 2010 at 4:37 pm
shes sure got the milk jugs for baby feedin’
dudeatdudedotdude | September 9, 2010 at 6:16 pm
and how! :-)
lara | September 9, 2010 at 4:40 pm
Something looks very Britneyesque about her face/jawls there.
BostonFreek | September 10, 2010 at 12:19 pm
I think you mean “jowls”
Zanch | September 9, 2010 at 5:37 pm
You know, typically people straighten out their lives BEFORE they have a baby. Lindsey Lohan just needs to have her uterus surgically removed; there’s no way she’d be a good mother or role model.
ropesolo | September 9, 2010 at 5:52 pm
those duck lips crack me up
Beck | September 9, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Is ‘baby’ code for bag of coke?
KifaruRed | September 9, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Well, this solves the mystery of who the innocent life ended by this drug-addled, idiocy-enabled waste of protoplasm will be. On the plus side, E! will have a new series to debut during holiday sweeps.
Ian Malcolm just called; he said screw the dinosaurs, this is the worst idea in the history of bad ideas.
LJ | September 9, 2010 at 9:53 pm
That woman should not be allowed to reproduce until she is at least 10 years sober. (In other words, never.)
Gary B | September 10, 2010 at 1:39 am
having a baby and hoping it will get your shit together.Dana Plato tried the same thing, how did that work out, she died from a OD suicide and Her son did followed her mother’s footsteps this may with a gunshot wound.
Great so now we can have a fraked up LiLo and a even more fraked up offspring.
CrackHo | September 10, 2010 at 1:49 am
YES! A CRACK BABY!! FOR THE CRACKHEAD Hahahaha
God | September 10, 2010 at 3:53 am
Aw, That’s lovely.
She will make a great mother.
Rachel | September 10, 2010 at 4:55 am
oh yeah a baby will fix everything not it will make everything worse how stupid is she. Shows you how unreasonable she is
captain america | September 10, 2010 at 6:18 am
yep, I’m sure now:
THIS WOMAN MUST BE A CURSE, folks!!
ugottabekidding | September 10, 2010 at 8:15 am
This is probably the worst thing that could happen in the history of history.
faded | September 10, 2010 at 2:09 pm
agreed… i think i hear the Doomsday Clock ticking forward again.
Stay Puft Overlord | September 10, 2010 at 8:27 am
Wait..Wait…wants a baby? or wants to eat a baby because she is on some crazy coke binge and bitches….she ONGRY!
yikes | September 10, 2010 at 10:34 am
The POPE & Obama should block this from happening.
Sorry Lindsay | September 10, 2010 at 1:21 pm
But I can’t get you preggers if I am using my seed to coat your throat, pave your hershey highway and splooge on them big jugs!
The Truth | September 10, 2010 at 10:18 pm
You are speaking reality right there. Man, she’d get the pipe; tube-steak dinner for her…
kiyanna | September 10, 2010 at 7:25 pm
baby hahahahahahaha lindsay lohan
Bored with life | September 10, 2010 at 7:29 pm
I’ll give you a baby bitch! Can you get pregnant by being fucked in the ass???
louis | September 13, 2010 at 4:22 am
OMG,====my discount bag====Google to see LV 2010 ,CHANE1 2010,GUCC1 2010 ************
Jessica | September 14, 2010 at 3:43 am
god help us
jhomoya | September 14, 2010 at 12:36 pm
=(sad 2 hear that if she needs some to be with, I think its not the rigth thing 2 do!i hope she change her mind it wont work…love you linds and godbless
jhomoya | September 14, 2010 at 12:45 pm
I mean if she needs some one!I think its not the rigth thing to do..=(