Lindsay Lohan Is Going To Start World War III
You know how we’re all barely clinging to reality right now as we watch our identity as Americans get smothered under an orange avalanche of bullshit nationalism? Cool, well embrace that cold, horrific feeling that you’re stuck in a video game you can never win, because Lindsay Lohan returned to social media this weekend to let everyone know she’s been meeting with Turkish President, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, and perhaps even more curiously, his wife. I don’t know a lot about Turkey, but I assume they have no clue who Lindsay Lohan really is, because in America, a married man being in a room with her is immediate grounds for divorce, if not quarantine by the CDC. Via ABC News (<– HAHA! Their newsroom has to be so pissed right now.)
Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdogan took a break Friday from dealing with his country’s domestic issues to meet with actress Lindsay Lohan and Bana Alabed, the seven-year-old Syrian girl who attracted worldwide attention by tweeting about life in war-torn Aleppo.
Yep, you read that right. They also let her near a seven-year-old who almost died fleeing Aleppo, because what better way to reward that than to introduce her to the actress who kept a Hollywood Fuck Diary? Seriously, as far as I can tell, the only thing Lindsay Lohan has done since declaring herself an international aid worker is show up and have her picture taken, promise to maybe drop off some energy drinks sometime, and write a poem about fixing ISIS with kisses. And look, I really am all for activism. I’ll even take Shia LaBeouf punching probably fake Nazis in the scarf over whatever Lindsey is trying to pull here that almost has to be an ISIS recruitment tool already. Oh, and did I mention she’s still doing the fucking accent? She’s still doing the fucking accent.
— Bana Alabed (@AlabedBana) January 27, 2017
“Have you seen this? The freckled throat devil is adapting our dialects!”
“We must find her, even if it means risking dangerous missions into heavily secured Western countries.”
“Yes! Death to Lindsay Loha-“
“Whoa, whoa, easy. I mean, why not bring her back to the cave and tell her we’re considering her for a starring role in a film? I’ve heard things happen. Mouth things.”
Photo: AKM-GSI, Instagram