Lindsay Lohan Proved The Muslim Ban Isn’t Working

In spite of the fact that she is a walking ginger dirty bomb, Lindsay Lohan made her way back to the US on Friday. Thanks, so-called judges! And like a moth to flame, Lindsay ran immediately to a Facebook Live interview where she alerted the press that she’s not doing any of her refugee work to get press. But the fact that she’s been studying Islam made her scared to come back, so Lindsay would now like an audience with Trump and Putin to get this whole mess sorted out. Have you not died of blunt force trauma from your head slamming into your desk yet? Good, there’s more. Via The Daily Mail:

‘It’s a process to convert to anything. I respect all religions… it’s a beautiful religion and i am a very spiritual person… it’s something I’ve been studying,’ she added. ‘You cant just convert overnight to a religion.

Actually, you can. It’s called baptism. But there’s so much more in here, let’s keep going.

On her advice for dealing with Trump, because she somehow forgot that she fled the country when the general public told her to fuck off with her bullshit:

‘I think always in the public eye you’re going to be scrutinised,’ she said.

‘He is the president – we have to join him,’ she insisted. ‘If u cant beat him, join him.’

On how she doesn’t realize that Disney already paid her but Michael and Dina swiped the money off the dresser for coke and gin:

In terms of future roles, Lilo revealed that her dream part would be to play Ariel in The Little Mermaid.

On how she has a meeting lined up with Lorne Michae- BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can’t even finish that one:

‘Mean Girls 2 would be great, it’s something I’ve always interested in doing… it has such a great cult following it, would be wonderful to do something else,’ she said, insisting she was going to talk to producer Lorne Michaels about it

On not understanding code switching, but why would that stop her from claiming to use it?

‘I was learning Arabic and Russian, and I studied french for nine years… I was also picking up on some Turkish, and then Greek… when I’m around different people and different places I tend to change and talk very quickly… things come out and a flip into [accents] depending on who I’m with,’ she explained. ‘You acquire different dialects.’

And finally, as is the theme of a lot of my posts of late, on why humanity is a trash fire and we all deserve to die in it:

And after about 200 marriage proposals from Facebook Live, she confirmed she was single.

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet