Lindsay Lohan Tried to Escape Rehab

October 13th, 2010 // 51 Comments

Lindsay Lohan allegedly tried to escape from the Betty Ford Clinic earlier this week, but only in an attempt to buy sodey pop from a hospital next door because apparently rehab workers will believe anything you tell them. “I just wanted a Fanta. Honest!” RadarOnline reports:

Lohan’s rouse was almost pulled off if it wasn’t for her accomplice, another patient, whose clothing got caught on the fence.
“Lindsay and her co-conspirator were forced to give it up and flag down a volunteer, who was crossing the center’s grounds on a golf cart,” a source, with knowlegde of the situation, told RadarOnline.com.
“The pair was safely returned, decaffeinated, to their hall, were they were the center of a process meeting over what they had done.”

Wait a minute. Her accomplice’s clothes got stuck on the fence? Why do I get the feeling RadarOnline is just using old Little Rascals episodes to make up stories about Lindsay? And, honestly, I don’t blame them. There’s a 50/50 chance they’ll probably be right. Like that one where Spanky lost the go-kart race because he thought Buckwheat was a drug dealer and pulled over to buy a J. God, those kids were racist.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. raraavis

    Hahahaha! Busted! Stupid bitch.

    • mar

      i know rational thinking, well adjusted humans will disagree with me but… i love her. shes such a fucking retard lol and i have some weird lesbian attraction to her, always have. -im straight- or maybe thats why i think all her retarded shenanigans are funny. shes need a fucking little song to follow each dumbass stunt, similar to “its butters!” i dont think shes stupuid, shes just a spolied brat that does whatever she wants. like all of us slobs wouldnt. i would act like the stupidest motherfucker ever if i was one of these rich assholes. come on! id pull this stunt, id do a mel gibson dick suck or arson demand, id trash motel rooms, fuck everyone, drive super expensive cars inappropriately, contract herpes, have a lazy eye, get shitty tattoos, get the fakest tits on gods green earth, drink whatevers popular in rap music, wear shitty clothes with bad shoe choices on my off time, forget to wear a bra, have cockeyed nipples, drive with my kid on my lap, marry a wanna be white guy, do something sexually inappropriate that was w/ or related somehow to jack nicholson… do drugs with dicaprio, shoot heroin with kate moss… .. do inappropriate things with cast members of harry potter -thats just my personal little addtion- the fucking entertainment possibilities are endless!

    • mar

      i had a wonderful comment and it didnt post. pissed. anyway, to sum up, i have some weird lesbian attraction to her. i think shes hilarious. i love her. shes a fucking retard and its great. if we were rich we’d do the same fucking things they do.

      • mar

        i would have the fakest tits known to man, fuck everyone famous, go to parties and pose for the cameras and pretend it upsets me,contract herpes, develop a lazy eye, wear shitty clothes with bad shoe choices on my off time, forget to wear a bra, have cockeyed nipples, drive with my kid on my lap, marry a wanna be white guy, do something sexually inappropriate that was w/ or related somehow to jack nicholson… do coke with dicaprio, shoot heroin with kate moss do something illegal with those two little dwarves that killed the joker … .. do inappropriate things with cast members of harry potter -thats just my personal little addtion- the fucking entertainment possibilities are endless!

      • mar

        i would have a sextape of me giving some fist time to professor mcgonnagall and then, after she came, we would freebase and chain someone up ala boy george. i would then release a new movie/cd/etc. apologize on larry king , do my community service, get back in the hearts of all my fans , and do something else fucked up. all the while privately laughing my ass off.

      • mar

        then i would get caught up in it, believe my own hype, adopt some kids not of my race from foreign countries, move to england, proclaim that the us is a nation of evil, vote democrat, still secretly do drugs, have a well publicized break-down, stage a come back of a less glitzy, more real me, be lionized once again, relapse, kill a hooker, and be found dead in a motel room. fucking AWESOME!

      • mar

        oh linds… i love you you stupid little whore. dont ever change!

      • I can see that you’ve given this some thought.
        “if we were rich we’d do the same fucking things they do”
        No. Some of us just want to fucking retire to a big ranch away from the insanity. But I sense that you are probably much younger & energetic than I.
        In the meantime let us count the days until Oct 22 when Ms Lohan will again attempt to bust out of the chains that bind her.
        For the soda pop, of course.

      • Smart and sexy, mar. Dont u change either~

  2. Jon Reremy

    stfu already

  3. Realist and Fan

    Simply put, Lindsay is a creation of the Media and deseves to be treated in a manner in accord with their Holy Lawlessness and not our pathetic legal system.

  4. Sizzle

    “Like that one where Spanky lost the go-kart race because he thought Buckwheat was a drug dealer and pulled over to buy a J. God, those kids were racist.”

    Fucking priceless. Thank you.

  5. Da Trooooooof

    Awesome!!!

  6. Cock Dr

    There are some days when I would be willing to climb a fence to get a soda pop. Today might be one of them.
    Now mother of the year Dina Lohan will pitch all the major soda brands an endorsement deal based on this nonsense story.

    • Since I’ve done things I’m ashamed of for a Klondike bar I could see going there – but climb a (wire?) fence for a FANTA? No fucking way. Why are addicts like Lohan such ridiculously shitty liars, can anyone tell me that?

    • Darian

      I know that when we are out of Pepsi/Coke that my husband gets really weird and turns into a jerk until I go to the store and replenish our supplies. I think Soda, including Fanta, is also very addictive.

      • You bet it is! The sugar and caffeine are a double-whammy for addictive chemicals, but c’mon, they never cut sugar, coffee – or nicotine – from the rehab training table menu. I also doubt if there’s a ban on soda at Betty Ford. So, bullshit excuse.

        If your husband’s so dependent on his soda fix that his personality changes when he goes through withdrawal, maybe he should reconsider what he’s drinking. The weirdness factor aside, if he’s drinking so much of it that he’s a jerk without it then odds are he’s easily consuming enough of it to significantly increase his chances of getting diabetes and/or cancer later on.

  7. Juliana

    Rehab, my ass!! Throw her in jail and loose the key!! Throw her in jail and loose the key!! Throw her in jail and loose the key!! Throw her in jail and loose the key!! Throw her in jail and loose the key!! Throw her in jail and loose the key!! Throw her in jail and loose the key!!

  8. Lance link almost lost a go-kart race stopping to give another driver directions. Jesus what an epic fail getting stuck. Surprised lohan didnt leave that dummy hangin. They made it look so easy in Coocoo’s nest.. and Fosters home

  9. Turd Ferguson

    Rules dont apply to Linds and her family. She continues to ignore anything she doesnt agree with and Dina will keep enabling her.

  10. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! just when you think she’s fucked up all there is to fuck up ……

    ….WHAT A FUCK-UP! It’s almost embarrassing

  11. Yar...

    The word you were looking for, original blurb writer, is “ruse”. “Rouse” is a completely different word, in that it’s spelled differently, pronounced differently, and has a completely different meaning.

  12. fester

    If there had been a pile of coke visible on the other side of the fence. Lindsay would have turned into the Hulk, folded the other patient into a bindle to carry her stash and bounded into the distance (again).

  13. Nate

    Too cheesy to be true. If true, it’s kind of cute.

  14. ZigZagZoey

    Her middle initial should be an O.
    LOL.
    She is a fucking joke!
    She probably did it to make the movie of her life have some comic relief.

  15. nahhhhh

    It’s Betty Ford Center, not Betty Ford Clinic.

  16. guitarguypa

    I hope the judge hammers her ass. She was caught trying to leave COURT ORDERED REHAB. Can you say “Parole Violation”. Put her back in and let her do the full time she owes.

  17. Matthew

    waiting on the other side is Dina “party mom” lohan

  18. Ralph

    Controlling caffeine is part of many rehab programs. The general issue of teaching the patients how to control themselves is also part of it…like staying “on campus”. Lindsay probably decided that she didn’t want to comply with something and is rebelling No everyone is rehab rebels but many do.

  19. It's Still TAB

    All for a ‘soda,’ is that what they are calling it these days?!

    Damn! I must be behind the times!

  20. Jay

    Lindsay, one word, LIMITS! Obviously something you weren’t taught growing up. LIMITS, LIMITS, LIMITS. Anyone who has no self-imposed limits will fake rehab. Oh yeah, sody pop, like that’s believable.

  21. STFUP

    ‘Soda pop’? Is that the new euphemism for Cocaine? Y’know. Coke = Soda Pop. lol
    -
    She’ll never learn. I hope to God the judge puts her in jail for at least 90 days – and then back in rehab for at least another 90 – with NO early release!

  22. Photoshop Police

    Whoa whoa WHOA!

    A Fanta?
    Nobody EVER wants a FANTA.

    Orange Crush, maybe Sunkist, but Fanta???

    This is how we know it’s bull$#!&.

    And everyone knows that DR. PEPPER is the only substitute for real medical or psychological therapy.

  23. GravyLeg

    When they first moved her into the containment unit, she started hitting the fences, but never in the same place twice… She remembers…. That one… when she looks at you, you can tell she’s working things out…..

    • GeneralEmergency

      Yes…Lohaniraptor Linsus.

      Very deadly.

      Especially when “Fanta’d” up or near baby strollers.

  24. herbiefrog

    who wouldnt love a 30 day holiday…

    ?

    [that wos it reallllly : ))

  25. herbiefrog

    didn’t we feed them a cow ?

    [oh who knows why : )) ?

  26. I can picture the whole escape scene now, except in fast-forward and with the Benny Hill theme playing in the backgound.

  27. arar

    Wait, no. No, this is just the plot of girl interrupted. My bad.

  28. Joe Green

    FANTA ? Do they even still make that stuff?

  29. puddleduck

    who cares?

  30. Darian

    This is the funniest story I have ever heard in my entire life. It is so stupid…..

  31. Pangulin

    Gossip Cop debunked this story hours after it was first posted, Just another fabrication to garner “hits” by websites with nothing better to do than write tacky shit about celebrities.
    I really wish that everyone would have to experience living your life in the public eye, under the microscope of media coverage for a month or two, then maybe you would realize that celebrities are people with all the short comingsand all the issues regarding acceptance that you have.
    Lindsay Lohan is unfortunately one of many in the entertainment industry who have been misused by those closest to them…their parents,managers or closest of friends. If I had parents like Michael and Dina Lohan, I seriously think that there wouldn’t be enough drugs and alcohol for me to consume to make me feel better about my life. It must be a very difficult thing to realize that all that your parents, of all people, care about you for is what they can get out of the deal. The people who need to be behind bars in the Lindsay Lohan case are most certainly her parents followed closely by the internet bloggers who continually make up hurtful and misleading stories about her.

Leave A Comment