For reasons known only to herself and a freckle affectionately named Rumplestealshit, Lindsay Lohan tweeted the following message to Tom Cruise after Vanity Fair promoted their cover story claiming the Church of Scientology “auditioned” girlfriends for him who were punished with hard labor if the relationship went south. Not surprisingly, Us Weekly has read the whole article and says it has absolutely nothing to do with Lindsay. She’s not even mentioned in it:
I just want everyone & @tomcruise to know, that I have/had NO part in the VF story.. Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related.
— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) September 5, 2012
Keep in mind, these auditions took also place in 2004 when Lindsay Lohan had just turned 18. Don’t get me wrong, the Church of Scientology is fucking crazy, but not crazy enough to make their 42-year-old telekinetic Space Jesus date a barely legal actress. Also, I’m pretty sure they knew the question, “Hey, Tom, want to date a teenager?” would be answered with, “Ooh, like Jonathan Lipnicki?”
Photos: AKM-GSI
The Lohan strain of mental illness manifests itself in so many different ways.
Rumplestealshit – CLASSIC!!!
Seconded ha!
word
Space Jesus Tom Cruise had me laughing too.
Rumplestealshit lol I almost peed laughing
So here she is admitting by using this name that she is a clepto,even years ago.
One of Tom’s mandatory requirements is the woman must be a non-smoker. Like she’d even be considered.
Sarah Palin, Lindsay Lohan….trying to remain relevant.
I was thinking Pelosi and Lohan
apparently too many liberals on the Fish these days – Pelosi is a pig.
Grammy?
uckk!!
She’s unemployable and a drug addict of Belushi proportions. She’s a borderline prostitute who lives in a dumpster. And she has every drug dealer and hotel owner in L.A. chasing after her for owed money.
But even SHE has more self-respect than to associate with the Scientologists.
If she wanted to dissociate herself from the Scientologists, she would have written directly to the press…Check the posting…@Tom Cruise…she wrote to HIM and his team…I am pretty sure she wants to keep in his good book in case she wants to audition for mission impossible 5,6.7.8,… and also because it makes her feel important, whatever the hell is going in on her mind!
nice fake tan. just rock the goddamn pasty ass freckled shit like you are supposed to, lindsay.
Well THANK GOD that’s been cleared up.
I’m going off to happy hour to get drunk on wheat beers. Choi
Guys, in case you were wondering, I had nothing to do with this either, they never offered me a part or anything, just throwing that out there..
LIAR!
Damn, I’d sure like to fuck hose freckletits.
Mirror! Mirror!
On the wall
How many spots do I have in all?
P.S. I picked up the VF from a stall and paid my hard earned money for it!
Still a great rack
4 comments and not one reference to injecting?
C’mon people…where’s Beef guy? How about Dr. Cock? I count on you people! When I read a headline like that, I expect more from you…
Have a nice weekend all.
I thought lindsay was more of an insufflator than an injector but I wouldn’t be surprised either way.
A+ great job on the big word use!
YOU are not the real Beefy. No punctuation expect for an exclamation point? The real Beefy never uses exclamation points. Imposter!
I just want to clear this whole “audtioning” stuff up. We do not, have not, and will not hold “auditions” for the wife of Our Messiah. We simply go through the list and when the brainwashing sticks on one of them, we roll with it.
John, I hear you had auditions for massage therapists….
At least she still has the tits.
I can only thank L.Ron Humjob that Lindsay had nothing to do with this debacle. I was terribly worried. Now I can sleep at night…
“Hey, Hubert, bring me a beer and more of that Rohypnol…”
I’m trying to come up with something nasty, but oh my fuck.
I can’t help it. I desperately want a chance at failing to please her sexually.
Seriously. Downvote me all you want, but these pics are going in to my permanent Spank Bank collection.
Okay I’ll bite on the injection line. Lohan is skilled at injecting. She injects heroine and has penises inject jizz into her on a very frequent basis. Unfortunately for Lohan, To crouse would have preffered if Lindsay was actually a Larry …
Is that a bruise on her tit? What th-ah, who cares…
Dammit I want to hate her but then those boobs. Then I just want to hate fuck her.
Daydreaming about Oprah yelling “You get some coke! And you get some coke!! Everyone is going home with coke!!”
To be fair, she was almost cast in Mission Impossible 3 at one point. That was back when she was relevant. So, yeah, her, ScarJo, Joss Stone, were all in the running for the wife position.
Dad: “Are you sure this is the one you want son?”
Son:”Yeah, dad. I want a fixer upper”
Dad:”Well she’s got a cracked piston, blown tranny, and a very very very loose crankshaft”
Dad:”Got some crack in the fuel line too”
Why does she always look so goddamn dirty? Take a shower every hour, Lindsay, that’s what it’ll take to make you look clean – on the outside, anyway.
I need to make a Twitter account, because I too need to let Tom Cruise know that I had nothing to do with the Vanity Fair story.
“Don’t give a shit,” said Everyone
The only thing more pathetic is that the story is on this site.
I feel like her vaj would just unravel like a long, cartoon tongue when the bathing suit is removed…
Humpty Dumpty?
I think she looks better when she eats a bit less.
Ight, fo ril doe? Das hot.
What are all yall talkin bout? It’s better than I expected it to be.
The novel that inspires was called great expectations, not low expectations.
Looks good to me.
So did every other women on twitter. It’s a running joke.
The people who comment that they wouldn’t touch her are obviously unaware of why God created intoxication. Fuckin’ rookies, every damn one.
God created intoxication to give you herpes?
Spank and eat.
omg it’s the exact same s the superficial has
There are others who would like to let everyone and @TomCruise know they had no involvement in the VF story:
Serena Williams
Sally Field
Velma and Daphne from Scooby Doo
Spongebob Squarepants
The homeless woman who argued with drive thru speaker at Jack in the Box near my home
and the list goes on…
Delusional fucking bitch.
She has more dents and dings than a used 74 Monte Carlo in ‘fair condition’
I wish those that speak against drugs, would use this photo, covered at the bust line, to tell kids the disadvantages of drug use.
The most gripping part of these photos is that lydsay is so oblivious to how horrible she looks.
Very sad, that was was treated like a piece of meat by her own parents, and now is just a piece of meat.
Her parents should be in jail for neglect and abuse.
Lyndsay, a poor narcassistic woman, with really no where to turn. A good example for all to see what neglect, selfishness, and greed will do to the human soul.
Lilo @ 18 was so effing hot. She should go back to red hair.
i bet her armpits smell so nasty
What she needs, more than anything, is for someone to call her on her bullshit, get in her face & give her a “Charles Bronson bitchslap”. I’ll be staying at the Chateu Marmont next month (they should have let her back in my then); I’ll be sure to administer it for all us posters…
She’d be hot for 60.
For 20 somethin, uhhhhhhhhhh. WTF happened to you??? Radiation accident?
Oh yah, coke, meth, crack, booze, and a penchant for theft.
Ewwww…I wouldn’t fuck her with your dick. This chick is nasty.
Looks like she got shit smeared.
When are they gonna move all this drama to a Bravo “reality” show, so we can quit paying attention to these hillbillies? (No offense to Ozarkians.)
Still do-able but barely… Sorry I just like huge boobs and freckles…
Me, too. These pics can’t be recent. She looks too fuckable.
I would take that job for 24 hour access to her ass.