For reasons known only to herself and a freckle affectionately named Rumplestealshit, Lindsay Lohan tweeted the following message to Tom Cruise after Vanity Fair promoted their cover story claiming the Church of Scientology “auditioned” girlfriends for him who were punished with hard labor if the relationship went south. Not surprisingly, Us Weekly has read the whole article and says it has absolutely nothing to do with Lindsay. She’s not even mentioned in it:
I just want everyone & @tomcruise to know, that I have/had NO part in the VF story.. Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related.
— Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) September 5, 2012
Keep in mind, these auditions took also place in 2004 when Lindsay Lohan had just turned 18. Don’t get me wrong, the Church of Scientology is fucking crazy, but not crazy enough to make their 42-year-old telekinetic Space Jesus date a barely legal actress. Also, I’m pretty sure they knew the question, “Hey, Tom, want to date a teenager?” would be answered with, “Ooh, like Jonathan Lipnicki?”