Lindsay Lohan’s Telling People She Was Supposed To Be In ‘The Avengers’ Now

April 4th, 2014 // 44 Comments
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In a new episode of her reality show, serial liar Lindsay Lohan claims she was supposed to be in The Avengers, but her manager screwed the whole thing up by “not pushing hard enough.” Oh, and also they wanted an “unknown,” so it would’ve never worked because she’s Lindsay Lohan: Movie Star. Except Uproxx expertly deduced that the only possible role she could’ve been, but absolutely was not, up for is Maria Hill which went to Cobie Smulders, the star of a long-running, popular sitcom and not in any way an “unknown” beneath Lindsay Lohan. So just to put all of this in perspective, here’s what Lindsay Lohan was doing in late 2010/early 2011 while Cobie was consistently and professionally showing up for work and Marvel was looking at actresses:

1. Attacking the staff during her court-ordered rehab stint after they caught her drinking.

2. Being a crazy stalker.

3. A jewel thief.

4. And public snorter of cocaine.

But, no, she’s right. Her manager didn’t push hard enough. It was hers for the taking.

Photos: AKM Images/GSI Media


  1. jep

    The only thing “beneath” Lindsay Lohan is dried flakes of semen.

  2. Cock Dr

    Yes, and last week she tweeted that she’s going 2 run for the office of Mayor of California. Someone told her one of the benefits of that office is an unending supply of cocaine. Fellatio is hard work and LiLo is tired, she’s ready for an office job.

    • BlinkyTheFish

      I’d love to see a reality show where Goop Paltrow and Lohan attempt to work in an office. I would imagine that’s worth wasting half an hour of my life over.

      • I would prefer to see a show where they drive around the country, trying to solve mysteries or whatever.

        PALTROW: “You should really learn to appreciate my custom-designed, Egyptian Sand-coloured Prius, Lindsay. You can actually go for as long as 1500 kilometres—that’s 1000 miles here in America—on one tank of gas!”
        LOHAN: “If we run out of gas before we get to my dealer, I’m gonna fuckin’ cut you, bitch.”

  3. JimBB

    I would think this was some kind of joke, but having seen the clip, I think she was actually serious. The sad thing is that her yoga-instructor/leech-#8 was agreeing with her the whole time, only feeding her already WAY over-inflated delusional ego. Just the fact that her agency didn’t laugh in her face when she asked them to get her an audition for The Avengers is amazing to me.

    You would think she would be grateful that she even still HAD an agency willing to represent her. Instead, narcissistic Lindsay can only bitch about them not getting her a part that Jesus himself probably couldn’t get her (the real Jesus, not her Mexican coke dealer).

    • jep

      Has anyone seen Sam Lufti lurking around Teh Lohan?

    • sadface

      Have you watched the show? She is surrounded by nothing but enablers. She has a horrible entitled attitude, treats everyone around her like complete shit, constantly is late to everything or cancels last minute, never takes responsibility for anything and always blames everyone else. Living like a billionaire while being dead broke.

  4. BlinkyTheFish

    Thankfully we get very little media exposure of Freckles McSaggyTits over here in the UK, but I did accidentally hear a clip on the radio the other day – must have been her on one of the US late night shows she did, and I was pretty shocked to hear just what a deep smoker’s voice she had. That thing was like a cross between Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane and every generic ‘possessed by a demon’ voice they use in horror movies.


    Wait! Is she serious?!

  6. anonymous

    Sounds like her agent or manager lied to her about being up for the part and she still doesn’t realize it.

    Now she believes that lie and is going around telling people she could have worked on the Avengers like it was an actual possibility.

  7. Such a shame. I think hanging out with her and Robert Downey Jr. between takes would have been the highlight of everyone on the crew’s experience. It would have been like the scars scene in Jaws.
    Downey: Broke into neighbor’s house, went to sleep in their bed.
    Lohan: Blew a hotel magnate.
    Downey: Arrested in Palm Springs.
    Lohan: Dina.
    Downey: What’s that?
    Lohan: My mom….

    Then Lindsay goes into a monologue about her mom not unlike Quint’s Indianapolis speech, only twice as terrifying. The scene ends with her lifting her showing the Gaffer and Best Boy her breasts in exchange for some nicotine gum.

  8. Jeff

    In the past I’ve found her BS amusing; now it’s just pitiable.

  9. Pat C.

    Someone should tell her how close she came to getting a Nobel Peace Prize; then she could lament about that for awhile.

  10. That picture is now my desktop background. Thanks!

  11. Stupid, delusional woman.

  12. have yall seen her on that oprah’s OWN show she has? holy shit, she is the most selfish childish delusional woman i have ever witness in my life. i want to be on her side, but after seeing that…WOW.

  13. D-chi

    Lindsay, is that you?

  14. Well, if LiLo had abs like the Hulk, her career would have been a lot better. Of course, that would mean no junk food, lots of exercise, early to bed… never mind.

  15. Dang! I really would have liked to see what she would bring to “Lady in Park on Bench,” “Girl Walking Dog,” and “Second Secretary in Rental Car Office.”

  16. she’s obviously confusing The Avengers and The Adventures of Herbie.

  17. anonym

    fucking delusional.
    You sure she’s not using lsd?

    No one would risk fucking up a marvel movie by hiring Lindsay.

    She was “supposed to” be in the movie? Get in line and try out first, bitch.

  18. Jenn

    Well, she’s got red hair and she’s probably altered her DNA with all those drugs by now. Maybe she should try for 4th string mutie on X-Men. I’d buy it. Hell I’d buy it in reality, because she’s not dead yet.

  19. C'mon

    This bitch is amazing; she found another way for me to be disgusted with her. She’s the ultimate fuckup; even thinking about her probably gave me brain cancer…

  20. Lindsay Lohan Bikini
    Commented on this photo:


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