Lindsay’s F*cking Up ‘Speed-The-Plow’ Already

July 9th, 2014 // 42 Comments
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If Lindsay Lohan has one talent, it’s begging and pleading and blowing and promising not to act like Lindsay Lohan if she gets just one more chance, and then acting exactly like Lindsay Lohan once some idiot gives her that chance. And now that idiot is David Mamet who really did cast her in “Speed-The-Plow” because his brain got sucked through his dickhole. They say he only speaks with finger paints now, and the occasional macaroni picture. Via Radar Online:

Lohan has been clubbing all night, then arriving to rehearsals late and unprepared, and sometimes not showing up at all.
“The cast is already really annoyed,” an insider says. “The director told her that, basically, it’s a one-strike deal; if she misses one more practice or comes in late again, she’s done.”

And now a special message for the entire entertainment industry at large:

STOP HIRING LINDSAY LOHAN, YOU MORONIC FUCKBAGS OF DUMB.

(Should I have saved that for after someone buys my screenplay? Eh, those people can’t read.)

Photos: INFphoto, Pacific Coast News

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  1. “Speed the Plow?? I thought you invited me here for speed and blow!”

  2. PassingTrue

    In another breaking story. The sun is bright and water is wet.

    Of course Lohan is unprepared and unreliable with no chance of being otherwise. Let’s face it, you cast her in this to drum up publicity for ticket sales. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work as well if she never makes it to a actual performance.

  3. Short Round

    Speed the Plow… is it a porn parody? Let me guess James Deen opted out the minute he heard Lohan was in.

  4. cc

    ‘Speed the Plow’….not a bad porn title…so, Lindsay, just go for it. You are due.

  5. right

    This girl is straight up hag’d lookin.

  6. You have to leave a trail of blow from her hotel room to the stage.

    Fucking amateurs.

  7. cgopickins

    Did she get stuck in a Cheetoh’s bag?

  8. Seriously, though, for her to keep getting parts, even with such a bad rep, LiLo’s blowjob skills must be second to none.

  9. Chris Brown

    To be fair, Are we even sure she knew she was singing up for a film? At first I thought it said ‘Speed-Then-Plow’ Maybe she did as well

  10. “Speed The Plow” is just the working title, it’s to be released under the name “Watch The Trainwreck”. It’s the first time in history a movie has been produced betting on the lead actress death during filming. It’s a long shot…at least it would be with any other actress.

    • JC

      It’s not a flim, it’s a play. That’s what makes this even more hilarious. If you’re doing a film, you can maybe edit and CGI the 5 minutes of usable footage you get from her the one day she shows up, but a play, with multiple rehearsals and performances? I still can’t fathom how anyone with half a brain thought this would work, BJs or no.

      • It’s also not like a film in that if you’ve been in production for two weeks there’s not two weeks of “film in the can” that has to be re-shot at an enormous cost.

        There’s just a seat in the rehearsal space where another actress can sit and quickly catch up to the rest of the cast. This thing doesn’t open to scathing reviews until September.

        I wonder if Lindsay understands that she is required to perform the show eight times a week after it opens.

  11. Lindsay Lohan Fake Tan Scratched Legs Minidress Sister Ali
    Phoenix
    Commented on this photo:

    Working on them bingo wings.

  12. Lindsay Lohan Fake Tan Scratched Legs Minidress Sister Ali
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The shot is enough to make us all stop for just a moment out of our busy days to wonder…how much does she charge for a BJ?

  13. Say, If I get into showbiz, can I get my brains sucked out my dickhole? Coz, motivated…

  14. Lindsay Lohan Fake Tan Scratched Legs Minidress Sister Ali
    Commented on this photo:

    Frightening legs for a 28 year-old, frightening.

  15. Lindsay Lohan Fake Tan Scratched Legs Minidress Sister Ali
    cc
    Commented on this photo:

    ‘Here, take a hit off this…I am trying to cut back to 2 packs less a puff a day’

  16. She is long overdue from being the truck stop prostitutes she basis her life after.

  17. Slappy Magoo

    Hey Fish, you know what gets you even more press than hiring Lindsay Lohan?

    Hiring her, and then “saving your production” by firing her.

    Watch how big a deal it is when they let her go, especially if she’s replaced by someone well known and comparatively more stable (my money’s on Scarlett Johansson). Mamet’s learned the lesson Paul Schrader wishes his dick would have let him learn.

  18. JimBB

    I picture David Mamet waking up in a motel room a month ago, in a bathtub full of ice. As he looks at the bathroom mirror, scrawled there across the glass in red lipstick is the sentence “Welcome to the world of herpes and cast headaches!”

  19. Lindsay Lohan Fake Tan Scratched Legs Minidress Sister Ali
    Commented on this photo:

    Holy shit it’s the great pumpkin!

  20. I’m surprised that people are actually surprised that she’s fucking up.

  21. Lindsay Lohan Fake Tan Scratched Legs Minidress Sister Ali
    Commented on this photo:

    move this bitch! im lindsay lohan i wanna stand there!

  22. HI LINDSAY! Keep the down-votes coming, douchewater.

  23. Ken

    You can post any “Bullshit” you want, just have the balls to put your name to it!

  24. DrJ Fever

    None of the this is surprising since David Mamet became a far right wing nutbag. He is a birther who thought that the Half Term Tundra Twit would have made a great president.

    Maybe he thought this was LLs chance to become US Ambassador to the UK.

  25. This “poor” woman is totally fucked up in the head. I suspect we’ve all known that for several years, but then she makes amends and professes to be straightening out her life…and she is SO fucking convincing…

  26. anonym

    In the real world, a slut like this would be living on the streets.

    I can’t believe she still has a roof over her head

  27. I just keeping hearing Homer’s Mr. Plow song in my head.

  28. David Mamet had nothing to do with hiring Lindsay Lohan. The original Mamet production was in 1988. There have been countless productions since and Mamet just cashes a check. So it’s kinda like saying Shakespeare had something to say about casting DiCaprio in Romeo+Juliet. Director Lindsay Posner is the one responsible for the casting, and probably because he enjoyed getting blown by a chick who has the same name as him.

  29. Lindsay Lohan Fake Tan Scratched Legs Minidress Sister Ali
    Back pain
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that the line for skanks?

  30. I’m not convinced she’s done ayahuasca.

  31. meme

    Any moron who hires her deserves exactly what they get. This twat will never be able to remember her lines night after night. The producers must be on crack to have hired her.

    • They hired her hoping that she will have a melt-down on the stage. No one in the audience who paid to see Lindsay on stage would ask for a refund if she imploded before their eyes.

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