At first glance, the headline would seem to suggest Lindsay Lohan wants to read a book about a beloved children’s author’s sex life, and honestly, who doesn’t want to know how many times J.K. Rowling achieved pure ecstasy of the flesh while creating Hogwarts? It’s practically all I think about it. Except this is Lindsay Lohan we’re dealing with, so naturally everything revolves around her and has a zero chance in hell of happening in real life. Radar reports:
The Liz & Dick star “held meetings at major publishing houses in London recently,” an insider told the UK Sun, regarding the prospects of a tell-all book with details so salacious, it might make Fifty Shades of Grey aficionados blush.
“The stories she promised the literary agents made their jaws drop.”
And while all of that sounds fascinating on paper, Lindsay Lohan is borderline illiterate so she’s going to need some help. Fortunately, she has a list of people in mind who obviously will jump at the chance to write about freckled handjobs that still didn’t get her a part in The Avengers. It’s every writer’s dream.
“It may seem unlikely, but she thinks she’s in with a shot of getting (Fifty Shades of Grey) E.L. James to work on it — they met recently at the Chiltern Firehouse and got on well. Another pie in the sky idea was that she might persuade J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter) to work with her.”
In Lindsay Lohan’s defense, the Harry Potter books are crazy long, and the list of people she’s had sex with is even longer, so you definitely need someone who won’t feel overwhelmed writing an entire Encyclopedia Britanica of blowjob recipients. Not to mention, you can put Lindsay Lohan’s vagina on your head like a Sorting Hat and it will tell you what school you belong in provided the brain cancer doesn’t kill you first, so really the whole thing’s right up J.K.’s Diagon Alley. Ha! Get it? I’ll be in the garage with the car running.