Lindsay Lohan Settles E*Trade Suit

September 20th, 2010 // 62 Comments

While everyone feigns shock that there’s another warrant out for Lindsay Lohan‘s arrest, I’m more amazed by the fact someone’s actually handing her money. Apparently her attorney managed to reach a settlement with E*Trade over a Super Bowl ad featuring a “milkaholic” baby named Lindsay. TMZ reports:

The terms of the settlement are confidential — but we’re told Lindsay’s team is “very happy” with the results … and sources say Lindsay got some cash out of it.
As we previously reported, Lindsay claimed the stock trading company violated her rights by featuring a baby character named Lindsay who happens to be the “milkaholic” other woman in a baby love triangle.
Lindsay’s high-powered attorney Stephanie Ovadia tells TMZ, “The case between Lindsay and E*Trade has been settled … there is no further comment.”

I’m just gonna go ahead and assumed they agreed to pay Lindsay $20 to star in a commercial as one of the babies’ mom because that’s the only possible scenario that makes sense.

BABY #1: Dude, bought some stocks on my phone using E*Trade.
BABY #2: Nice!
LINDSAY: Who’s ready for dinner?
BABY #2: Bro, does your mom’s face itch? She put baby powder all over it.
BABY #1: Yeah, she, uh, she does that. Can I stay at your place for a while?

E*Trade: We Don’t Like Awkward Either.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

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  1. Tara

    First!

    • JOAN

      WOW! What a great way to make money. Oh exciue me, I mean con money.
      So now, I plan to go after the next company that uses my name in anyone of their ads.

      E*TRADE…
      I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU MORONS SOLD OUT. TO THIS #$%$#@^&.

    • Jesus

      The world will be a better place when Lohan is shot by a family member of the person she’s eventually going to kill, in her next DUI.

  2. McFeely Smackup

    It’s funny that Lindsay has successfully argued that combining name “Lindsay” and term “alcoholic” are irrevocably tied to her personally.

  3. Randal

    Dear Ms. Lohan,

    when I saw that base, vulgar depiction of the “milkaholic” baby while watching Pittsburg smartly trump Arizona in a 27-23 victory, I knew that steps needed to be taken to protect your besmirched image.

    Fortunately, you had your day in court, and came out as glowingly victorious as the Steelers! As glowingly as your beautful, angel-kissed countenance, which shines in the proverbial heavens as a beacon to us mere mortals.

    Congratulations Lindsay!

    Randal

  4. Photoshop Police

    I have to admit, I never made the connection when I saw that commercial.

  5. Lindsay Lohan Attends an AA Meeting
    soahc
    Commented on this photo:

    OMFG she looks so imminently fuckable

  6. anonymous

    she’s just happy to have money for coke

  7. Crusty

    I love it that Lindsay seems not to own a bra.

  8. JRS22

    So shouldn’t every other person named Lindsay be able to sue E-Trade?

  9. sean

    The devil always takes care of his own agents… until he no longer has any use for them because he’s replaced them with someone else. Lindsay will have enough money until Satan no longer has any need for her. Then we’ll read about her tragic death.

  10. msk

    anyone saw the see thru nipple?

  11. kudos if the settlement was more than an etrade promo code. of all the audacity. she should drink *my* milk. if i had any sense i’d make her a slave to my dick. put the focus of her like back on to something edifying.

  12. Video of her doing coke or drugs would be worth a rediculous amount of money to the right people, everyone would want to see that.

  13. The Only Hetero in this Joint

    She’s still a worthless piece of shit.

  14. NinjaSquirtle

    I feel bad for lindsay. I grew up watching her movies, I considered her one of my favorite actresses, she was so beautiful(as a black guy, I love thick white chicks), and I looked forward to her career. Stardom has ruined a once awesome individual, lindsay seems like a douchebag now but 5 to 6 years ago I think she was a sweet person. I want to sit her down in a room and explain all the ways she went wrong in life. Most of you trolls just piss on her and consider her trash because of the things she has done. We should show her support not hate. Growing up in an industry that is constantly shaping you is hard, and even the problems between my parents turned me to drugs (marijuana, pills), but if someone had told me how much they apreciated my work or that I was a beautiful person I would be less of a douchebag too. wish you the best lindsay.

    Cocaine is a hell of a drug- rick james

    • GravyLeg

      I support her if she attempts to OD….
      Go Linds! Go!!

    • Vito

      You know, that’s a damn good idea. I’ll bet no one has ever thought to sit her down and talk to her. It’s so simple.

      So go ahead and sit her down and talk to her, tell her how great she is and how much you appreciate her work…while she sucks my dick!

      • NinjaSquirtle

        if she sucks anyones dick its going to be mine, she could snort a line off my boner but i want her to know she shouldnt waste her life.

        vito you can get my sloppy 400ths

    • A.S.H. Brown II

      Well said, man.

      I had a crush on her since parent trap..mind you, we’re only a couple years apart (I’m about to be 26). I watched it happen…not only was it her “mother” peddling her off to Hollywood like a teenage prostitute, her father’s bad example with his substance problems, but the “Friends” she accrued in her rise to fame (notice I said, “accrued”)…and inevitable fall–and boy did she have all the exactly right “friends” to do that.

      Cocaine -is- a hell of a drug. I had that problem myself, once. People need to show her some compassion and thank whatever their god is that they were never subjected to such a farce of a childhood, parents, colleagues/friends, and having hereditary addiction to boot (this means you’re genetically pre-disposed to become addicted to…almost anything)!

  15. GravyLeg

    And again… She needs to go to prison…

    And not the white-collar resort prison. No, no, no.
    She needs to go to federal POUND YOU IN THE ASS prison.

  16. Lindsay Lohan Attends an AA Meeting
    Commented on this photo:

    I need some company to give me money just by using my name. I don’t care if you call me a cokewhore firecrotch.

    Is that nip?

    I’d hit it.

  17. Marco

    She looks pretty hot here.

    Too bad she’s pretty worthless.

    • She aint worthless to me. Not everyone conforms like zombies and yeah shes taken some risks. We all have. Dont pretend you all live by your own standards.. She just needs a tougher program. Jail costs more and solves less.

      I thought cali was supposed to have such great minds. No one can put a fuckin rehab program together that works? Im no doctor and i managed to. I blame society lol

      • She needs a functional family environment, which she doesn’t get at home, in prison, or rehab. Bet me there’s anything else to it.

      • A.S.H. Brown II

        haha!

        spot-on.

        people who are ignorant and just spout off moralistic diatribe have no clue that in the addicts world, drug use is a symptom of an underlying problem. The drug or thing of choice is usually just to fill a void…almost always its our crappy childhoods where we’re literally “wired” to think we’re human refuse during the periods our brains are, again, -literally-, being wired (developing) to the way we’ll think during the onset of adulthood.

        She could get better if people stop bashing her. I don’t see how that’d encourage her to want to quit. If anything she’d want to do more drugs.

  18. Lindsay Lohan Attends an AA Meeting
    Joe
    Commented on this photo:

    I see nipples

  19. M

    You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. You know what I used to have for lunch? Cocaine.

    What did you have for dinner? Was it cocaine?

    Nobody, gives a shit about you, Linds. Do the right thing and snort your worthless ass into the ground already. You’re wasting time.

  20. The Only Hetero

    Again, WTF? 32 comments & I’m the first to call this gaping axe-wound a cunt?!?!? You fuckers better step up your game, this oozing puss-bag needs to be donkey-punched, and I’m just the guy to do it.

  21. I’m bored with people feeling sorry for her or hating her. What surprised me here today was there was exactly one person here that admitted they would fuck Lindsay if she allowed them.

    Kudos to you Ninja Squirtle

    anyhow with that dress on i would love to get a thigh job from her.

  22. iinternational calls from mobile

    Well as we all know that having a cocaine in your body is not a good thing…Certainly there are still some of them that still dont have any hesitation and take cocaine. And even make it as their daily habit and end up through their addiction.

  23. dat logic

    I love how she can laugh at herself and failures in SNL but can’t stand an overplayed commercial thatmakes fun of the little things if it’s at all about her.

    • Nameless

      well she gets paid by SNL to make fun of her. she wasn’t happy until E*Trade paid her too.

      luckily we on the internet can make fun of her all we want and never give her a dime(bag).

      • Well E*Trade was making money off of her as well. that’s why she got pissed. someone was making money off of her and she didn’t get a piece.

        Here people snark at her and don’t make anything from it. so it’s not worth it to have a go at her.

        or even someone in my case which admits what nasty things he would like to do to her.

  24. jay

    She is done. This may be her last paycheck for a while. This skank is so self absorbed and delusional-

  25. captain america

    no doubt: THIS IS A TRUE WORKOHOLIC, folks.
    ???????????, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    hahahahahahihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihi.

  26. malabala

    Is she getting lip injections every DAY now?

  27. Lindsay Lohan Attends an AA Meeting
    giggs
    Commented on this photo:

    Totally see-thru. Can’t believe you mentioned nothing…

  28. TAB

    What a cunt, settling because the used ‘her’ name! Narcisstic coke whore, who will end up like Anna Nicole Smith. At least Anna Nicole was easy on the eyes, unlike this trainwreck, fire-crotch!

  29. Lindsey Lohan in 5 years will be in Porn. That’s the only genre that will accept her as an ‘actress’. I don’t feel sorry for her, I don’t hate her, I don’t really care one way or the other about her. She’s just another stupid person who looked a gift horse in the mouth and pissed in it.

  30. Lindsay Lohan Attends an AA Meeting
    Rabbit
    Commented on this photo:

    Lol, no shit! thats what caught my eye first!

  31. jon G

    Yeah…She lost it…So I should sue people named Jonathan…for having my name…If they mention that they are male. I AM MALE TOO!!!! YOU BASTARDS I WANT MORE COCA COLA IN MY NOSEEEE BITCHES!!!! I JUST GOT OUT OF JAIL BUT I NEED TO DO DRUGS BECAUSE I WAS IN MOVIES AND EVERYONE ELSE IS dOING IT!!!>KN!OIHOIHFIHGOSIDHGSG she is getting money and people in America are living in poverty including myself. No jobs for people Everything is more expensive..the world is going to the gutter and that gutter slut literally sued and got a million or so because they used her name. Guess they should have named the baby Shyndsey hoelan then she could not sue because it is not literally her name, derpa derpa derpa. America? Help yourself out and just use your brains. God is like yeah…they are doomed.

  32. Lindsay Lohan Attends an AA Meeting
    Commented on this photo:

    Absolutely. And I hate myself for saying so, but she actually looks quite doable on these.

  33. J.E.B.

    Here’s one minute of my life I’ll never get back, reading this article.

  34. Kel

    Ninja…. I’d wear a rubber if I were you… You have no idea what nasty stuff she’s got going on down there!

  35. debbie

    This is what I would like to see ETrade do now. Keep the commercial and substitute the name Lindsay with Cher, Oprah or Madonna, {with their permission of course}. This would show Lohan what a person with a real claim to being recognized by just their first name would do because they have class and a sense of humor.

  36. Lindsay Lohan Attends an AA Meeting
    aaa
    Commented on this photo:

    WTF? Lindsay actually looks great here. Of course, I’m wearing an industrial body condom while looking at this, just in case.

  37. al

    Shes hot

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