Lindsay Lohan’s Mom Wants Her To Start Pumping Out Russian Babies

You can tell Lindsay Lohan’s new Russian boyfriend is legitimately rich because already both of her parents have crawled out of the woodwork with dollar signs in their eyes and even more where their hearts should be. First, it was Michael with claims that Egor Tarabasov will revive Lindsay’s career, which technically is true if we’re talking about her current profession of milking international dick. Things couldn’t be better. Which brings us to Dina who might as well be walking around yelling, “Gold! Gold! Gotta dig gold! Dig dig gold!” TMZ reports:

But it’s Dina who’s really smitten with Egor. Our Lohan sources tell us she’s been telling friends she’s anxious for grandkids and thinks Egor’s a perfect candidate for fatherhood.

I’ll just cut to the chase here: Can Lindsay Lohan even get pregnant? Because I’m pretty sure this guy’s basically jizzing vinegar on top of baking soda, that’s really cocaine.

“Vhat is happening, my love? Are you vith baby?”
“Well, there’s foaming. Lots of foaming. Do babies foam?”
“I call mother. — She say I must wash dick with lava from volcano. She not laugh like this be joke.”

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