Here Are The Two Things Lindsay Lohan’s Lying About Today

We established long ago that Lindsay Lohan is a gifted and cunning grifter. By perfecting her dark art of cockromancing, she has the ability to hold the attention of wealthy men if only for a brief period until their security team can figure out how to subdue her. (Hint: Cocaine. They lock her in a coffin filled with cocaine.) So that’s lie #1. Getting hynoblown doesn’t make you a boyfriend. And here’s her proud, vag-kicking father leeching onto this latest fame spasm with lie #2 about how his kid blew this young rich guy so hard that he’s going to revive her career or some shit. Via Page Six:

“He has a lot of strong connections in Russia — these are big people and they’re very supportive,” Michael said. “He wants things to be in the right place for Lindsay and he’s wise beyond his years.”

He says lots of other things that he couldn’t possibly know, because he’s the black sheep of a family made entirely of pariahs and nobody even talks about him unless it’s in a deposition, so let’s skip right to the part where this moronic, single-branch family tree always shows their hand:

“Egor has been taking Lindsay to restaurants like Mari Vanna in London, which specializes in Russian cuisine and has even taken her to Russian-style bath houses,” explained an insider.

“In Soviet Russia, bath house is movie studio. Audition mean you make sex with whole crew. Pretend penis is camera. Is good.” Every night of this “relationship.” Like clockwork.

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