Lindsay Lohan Wants To Open Her Own Rehab

October 7th, 2013 // 22 Comments
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So this is happening. Via Radar:

“Lindsay really wants to help other people and she’s talked to some of her wealthy friends who are sober about the prospect of opening up a rehab center,” the insider revealed.
“She loves the idea and really believes that if her name is attached to it, it will help draw attention to sobriety.”

Welcome to everything you need to know here:

Lindsay, sweetie, if you don’t stop buying coke, there’s not going to be enough money for my mortgage.”
“What do you want me to do, mom? I can’t just make other drug addicts hand me their dru- Ho. Lee. Shit.”

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Dave Spencer / Splash News

superficial

  1. I somehow don’t see Dina EVER encouraging Lindsay to stop buying coke, defaulted mortgage or not.

  2. Well she IS kind of getting to be an expert on rehab facilities, especially the check-in and check-out procedures.

  3. “Lindsay really wants to help other people and she’s talked to some of her wealthy friends who are sober about the prospect of opening up a rehab center,” the insider revealed”

    This sentence reads like someone was challenged to use the words “Lindsay Lohan” and “sober” in the same sentence, and this was the best they could do.

    • Since they go through clothing and baggage at check-in to confiscate all the shit people try to smuggle into rehab, setting up her own treatment facility actually makes perfect sense.

      The free drugs, they will come to her!

  4. Lindsay Lohan First Public Sighting Since Leaving Rehab
    joho777
    Commented on this photo:

    Lindsay is really aging.

  5. You check in to Lindsay’s rehab with all your drug and booze stash, then Lindsay stops by and snorts all your coke, drinks all your booze, and you quit cold turkey.

    Plus a sloppy blowjob from a sloppy ginger with tube sock titties to take the edge off sober living.

  6. Finally! A rehab center focusing on people who only want to rehab their image.

  7. I am going to open my own rehab facility…with blackjack and hookers!

  8. EricLR

    They can open it right next to the Randy Travis Mental Health Center.

  9. The asshole that crashed the Exxon Valdez got a job teaching boating safety a year later, so LiLo running a rehab place wouldn’t be setting any new records for retardedness.

    • I would have actually bet on her setting up a driving school with Amanda Bynes, if only because a rehab is just too, too obvious.

    • another friend of Bill's

      LiLo running a rehab facility could work in therory. A few years ago there was a county in Pennsylvania that would have it’s DUI/DWI offenders serve their community service at the county’s ABC stores.

  10. cc

    This is entirely consistent with the gravity with which her numerous offenses were treated by the justice system.

  11. “Lindsay really wants to help other people and she’s talked to some of her wealthy friends who are sober about the prospect of opening up a rehab center…”

    “And we can call it ‘The Blind Lead the Blind’.”

  12. In other news, Jeffrey Dahmer is opening a homeless shelter for men. And cooking academy.

  13. “Lindsay really wants to help other people and she’s talked to some of her wealthy friends…”

    I’m sorry but anyone that falls for this deserves the raped bank account they will undoubtedly end up with.

  14. “I feel that my own experiences will qualify me to help other people overcome addiction.”

    “What’s your rehab center going to be called?”

    Fifteenth Chances.”

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