Lindsay Lohan Wants To Be President

If you haven’t heard by now, Lindsay Lohan wants to run for president, so let’s get this out of the way:

“HURR DURR CAN’T BE WORSE THAN OBUMMER HURR DURR DURR DURR HURR DURR THEN WHY DON’T WE JUST MAKE CARS ILLEGAL? HURR DURRRRRRRRR!!!”

Now that that’s settled, let’s take a look at Lindsay’s platform as told by her Instagram where you can also see her crazy, drunk tits talk about 9/11, so there’s no way she doesn’t win. Just no way.

1. Manipulating Old Rich Dudes

 

2. Pretending To Be Personally Invited To England By The Queen And Not Travelocity

 

3. Spelling Gandhi Wrong

🙏🏻 #ghandi #unitingWORLDnations #2020

A photo posted by Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) on

 

4. Memes (The Millenial Vote)

🙏🏻✈️ nyc time #habibI #lindsaylohan2020 #unitingWORLDnations

A photo posted by Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) on

 

5. Not Making It 24 Hours Without Mentioning Drugs

As for her stance on immigration, Lindsay supports whatever laws make it easier for Colombians to get in. But only Colombians. She’s also clearly pro-choice, but mostly for the sake of faking miscarriages. “I believe every woman in America should have the right to pretend they were pregnant to get out of jail,” Candidate Lohan bravely announced to an Egyptian prince’s penis.

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Photos: Hunger Magazine