Lindsay Lohan Playboy Issue Breaks Sales Records, Says Elderly Man On Twitter

If you asked Hugh Hefner what he ate for breakfast this morning, he’d call you a Nazi spy and threaten to phone his pal Charles Lindbergh to “teach you what for.” So with that information in mind, here he is on Twitter talking about the Lindsay Lohan Playboy issue like his “girlfriends” have sales tickers coming out of their naked asses to keep him constantly updated. Actually, scratch that. That probably does happen. I kid the old man a little too much sometimes:

The Lindsay Lohan January-February Double Issue is breaking sales records.

Of course, nobody has a clue what the current sales records for Playboys are these days, so just assume she sold at least 10 which is a miracle once you take into account the existence of the Internet. In the meantime, TMZ is rolling with Hugh’s numbers while FOX News has a conflicting report:

Interest seems low in seeing Lohan’s intensely air-brushed impersonation of Marilyn Monroe in glossy print. Fox411 spent Friday morning trolling the shelves of newsstands and gas stations from New York to Philadelphia only to be confronted with the same reality at each: Lohan’s glassy-eyed stare peaking above the backs of more family friendly fare, with no one staring back or making a purchase.

While Fox is probably right, their methodology is tad suspect considering they basically walked up to people and said, “Hey, you gonna jerk it later? I’m with the news.” Then again, you’d just assume the spirit of Christmas would bring out the honesty in people, so look for a report later today entitled: “Why Santa’s Coming But You’re Not: The Liberal Attack On ‘Making Your Baby Jesus Cry.'”

Photos: Playboy, AKM Images/GSI Media