So Here’s The Bullshit Lindsay Lohan Told Oprah

August 19th, 2013 // 39 Comments

Lindsay Lohan‘s interview with Oprah aired last night, and I’m not sure if you’re ready for this, but you might want to sit down: She’s super, super, super serious about being sober this time. This is for real the true reinvention of Lindsay Morgan Lohan, professional actress. In fact, she’s so serious about being sober that she’s no longer going to lie about how many times she’s done coke or make up a fake story about how she checked herself into rehab the first time voluntarily because she tried Ambien. Via tooFab:

“I really haven’t done it more than 10-15 times, of course I said 3-4 because I was terrified of being judged,” she says. “I never felt good the next day. It’s a party thing, people would have it and I’d do it. It went hand in hand with drinking.”

Lohan reveals she first went to Wonderland for treatment back in 2007 on her own free will. “I wanted to go there,” she says. “I tried Ambien at the time and it was really scary. It wasn’t an addiction, it was just a scare. I had taken it for about a month at the time and I didn’t know the side effects.”

Okay, but at least she’s going to acknowledge what a destructive influence her parents are and realize that there’s a reason every professional therapist and sane person alive has recommended tossing her mother in a volcano:

While Dina and Michael Lohan always get a really bad rap in the press, Lohan says she doesn’t think they’ve ever exploited her.
“Nobody’s perfect. I love my parents,” she says … adding, “I’m not going to say that certain situations I would have preferred to be handled differently, to be kept within the family and private.”
Lindsay insists her parents do get along, despite a few very public feuds — and says she’s talked to them since getting out of rehab about trying to keep things more private.

And so far that’s worked really well because neither one of them has alerted the paparazzi to when she’s getting out of rehab after selling a bullshit story to TMZ about her staying longer, or leaked that Ben Affleck visited her in Promises and tried to spin it into him offering her a movie role. You’re barely hearing a peep out of those two. It’s like they got real jobs and are providing their own source of inc-BAHAHAHAHA! I’m sorry I couldn’t do it. Also, my hands burst into flames. Is that normal?

Photos: AKM-GSI


  1. reinhard heidrich

    those are some saggy tits going on there. maybe she could go to rehab for her boobs.

  2. Batu Khan

    Look on the bright side, Lindsay. With all the drugs you consumed if you make it passed 27 there won’t be any substance on Earth that can harm you. You’ll look like Keith Richards but you’ll live forever.

  3. JC

    It’s like she’s reading from the script of every reality show about addiciton/interventions ever. “Oh, I’m doing really well now that I’ve gone to rehab, and my life is going to turn around.” Then cue the somber piano music with onscreen text that says, “Three weeks after this interview, she stabbed her grandmother in the face so she could steal her Social Security check. Police found her later that day, dead and face down in what can only be described as ‘a lake of vomit.’”

  4. Cock Dr

    Dammit girl I wish she would face the fact that her huge low hanging breasts need uber bra support.
    Oprah’s boobs are sitting a mile higher than hers. That might be a clue to invest in some quality foundation garments.
    Knockers aside….good luck with all that recovery business.
    Forgive me my skepticism.

  5. elephantman

    10 or 15 times. Yea right and I have purple monkeys flying out my ass!

  6. Smivey

    I don’t care what people say. Lindsay is at least trying to BOOOBS! something with herself and we should commend her for that.

  7. … Isn’t it just me or Lohan’s boobs look WAY BIGGER than Oprah’s on that picture?

  8. “throw her mom in a volcano”….

    of course the $cientologists would be after her.

  9. Monkeytoe

    Is she trying to bring saggy boobs back?

    Retro boobs?

    Were saggy boobs ever a thing?

    As far as rehab – she still can’t even admit she has a problem, so there is no hope of recovery for her yet. As long as she keeps lying to everyone about what her addictions are, she isn’t facing them.

  10. malaka

    she seems like one of those cows that is always kept pregnant so that it can produce milk and have huge utters.

    she should forget the whole pretension of thinking she is a serious actress and just put out artsy photos of her giant breasts every week.

  11. tom

    She really hasn’t aged very well, she looks old already.

  12. dennis

    It is hard to believe LL is still in her 20′s. She and Oprah look like they went to high school together.

  13. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like a bigfoot sighting

    you know if bigfoot had giant tits and a coke problem

  14. 10 or 15 times a day, maybe.

  15. 10-15 times? I think I have done that shit 10-15 in a week when I was younger…

  16. Matt

    Without the Adderall she’s already putting on weight. It looks like she dressed up early for Halloween as a school bus.

  17. whatever

    all she really means is from now on her addictions and problems with addict-parents will be kept under tighter wrap away from prying eyes, rehab taught her how to hide her problems, they realized she wont improve so they programmed her to hide her shit and thus make the rehab seem like a success and get more business for the rehab facilities who no doubt know a lost case when they see one and its whole family…

  18. 10-15 times? BWAHAHAHAHAH, what a crock of shit. Maybe a 1000 to 1500 times. Maybe 10-15 times in one night.

  19. CokeAddict

    10-15 times?
    I thought Oprah meant in one hour.

  20. A pale, freckle-filled redhead always looks fantastic in yellow…said nobody EVER.

  21. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    How can she not see how awful she looks?

  22. Lindsay Lohan Bikini Leg Bruises Brazil
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s right, suck that gut in, Buck Rogers.

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