So Here’s The Bullshit Lindsay Lohan Told Oprah

Lindsay Lohan’s interview with Oprah aired last night, and I’m not sure if you’re ready for this, but you might want to sit down: She’s super, super, super serious about being sober this time. This is for real the true reinvention of Lindsay Morgan Lohan, professional actress. In fact, she’s so serious about being sober that she’s no longer going to lie about how many times she’s done coke or make up a fake story about how she checked herself into rehab the first time voluntarily because she tried Ambien. Via tooFab:

“I really haven’t done it more than 10-15 times, of course I said 3-4 because I was terrified of being judged,” she says. “I never felt good the next day. It’s a party thing, people would have it and I’d do it. It went hand in hand with drinking.”

Lohan reveals she first went to Wonderland for treatment back in 2007 on her own free will. “I wanted to go there,” she says. “I tried Ambien at the time and it was really scary. It wasn’t an addiction, it was just a scare. I had taken it for about a month at the time and I didn’t know the side effects.”

Okay, but at least she’s going to acknowledge what a destructive influence her parents are and realize that there’s a reason every professional therapist and sane person alive has recommended tossing her mother in a volcano:

While Dina and Michael Lohan always get a really bad rap in the press, Lohan says she doesn’t think they’ve ever exploited her.
“Nobody’s perfect. I love my parents,” she says … adding, “I’m not going to say that certain situations I would have preferred to be handled differently, to be kept within the family and private.”
Lindsay insists her parents do get along, despite a few very public feuds — and says she’s talked to them since getting out of rehab about trying to keep things more private.

And so far that’s worked really well because neither one of them has alerted the paparazzi to when she’s getting out of rehab after selling a bullshit story to TMZ about her staying longer, or leaked that Ben Affleck visited her in Promises and tried to spin it into him offering her a movie role. You’re barely hearing a peep out of those two. It’s like they got real jobs and are providing their own source of inc-BAHAHAHAHA! I’m sorry I couldn’t do it. Also, my hands burst into flames. Is that normal?

Photos: AKM-GSI