Lindsay Lohan Hangs Out With High School Kids Who Already Hate Her

December 20th, 2013 // 24 Comments
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When you’re 21 or older, you’re somewhat smart enough to know that women like Lindsay Lohan are batshit crazy and not worth the sex. (At least in your head because you’ll do it anyway.) But when you’re still in high school, you still think girlfriends are neat because sometimes they’ll touch your penis during a movie while candy grows on trees. Which is the only explanation I have for why an 18-year-old is banging Lindsay Lohan who apparently won’t stop hanging out with teenagers that are already sick of her shit. Page Six reports:

“She finds out where Morgan is, then shows up and causes problems,” said a friend of the dreadlocked model, adding that Lohan was recently miffed O’Connor hadn’t returned her calls, then tracked him down and caused a scene.
“Morgan was staying at the Dream Downtown, and Lindsay showed up and found out which room he was in,” said a spy. “She knocked on his door, came in and started bitching Morgan out. She was ordering all the girls to leave, telling one that her Balmain jeans were fake. She said she wouldn’t leave till they all left. These kids are 18.”
A witness said hotel security arrived and, “They honestly didn’t know what to do. They assumed it was Lohan’s room.” Then, Lindsay “called her dad and locked herself in a bedroom and wouldn’t come out,” our source said. “It’s childish stuff.”

“Dad, he had other girls in his room. OTHER GIRLS!”
“Did you kick them in the vagina?”
*sniff* “No…”
“Then I don’t know what you want me to do, honey. I can’t solve all your problems.”
“I guess I could take these heels off and kick a few of them.”
“That’s my little girl. Wait, are any of them min-” *CLICK*

Photos: Instagram / FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News


  1. I’m putting a franchise tag on her for my celebrity death pool.

  2. Deacon Jones

    The bigger question is, how desperate are the other girls knowing that he stuck his dick in her?

  3. Mohawk Disco

    She pretty much passed into that category where you just say, “Just leave it be. No point arguing with a crazy person.” …and then you take out the taser.

  4. JC

    So it’s like “Mean Girls,” except this time, Lindsay is the asshole character(s) instead of the lovable outsider who becomes popular? Kinda makes sense.

  5. She’s hanging with teenagers because she wants to recapture that time in her life when everybody loved her and didn’t yet know what a flaming dumpster fire she is.

    It was a magical time. Her boobs weren’t speaking to her belly button yet and she was one of the most promising actresses in Hollywood.

    • *Flaming dumpster fire is redundant, but still. She’s a hot fucking mess.

    • Mohawk Disco

      Maybe she’s trying to recapture her youth. Which at 27 would be ridiculous for anyone else. Or hopes 18 year olds haven’t heard of her yet and will respect her because of former Hollywood fame. Either is crazy enough to be true with her.

      • She likes the attention.

        Didn’t you have that guy that still worked sacking groceries even though he was 10 years older than all the other grocery sacking high school kids? Everybody thought he was King Shit and the epitome of coolness, which may have been related to his ability and willingness to supply us with alcohol and drugs.

  6. Hey, I wonder what that zimmerman fella is up to?

    Considering she has the intellect of a nine-year-old, her 18 year old boyfriend could be considered somewhat of a pedophile.

  7. anonymous

    Who the fuck are Morgan and O’Connor?

    • JimBB

      I assumed that Morgan O’Connor is the 18-year-old who’s thinking with the wrong head, a head which will soon be infected with herpes simplex 10.

  8. It’s because he is 18, Lohan still has something left in lieu of where a vagina should be, and she is paying for room service to bring up bottles.

  9. Cock Dr

    Let’s have some photos of the latest male victim.

  10. Sitting on a park bench
    Eyeing idle boys with bad intent.
    Snot running down her nose
    Greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes . . . .
    How could Jethro Tull look into the future and see it so clearly? It’s like Ian Anderson wrote Aqualung for Lohan. All he had to do was change the genders.

  11. KimK

    she forgot to airbrush her hand

  12. I would imagine the boys feel right at home with Lindsay. It reminds them of the time they hid in the bath closet to see their grand mothers breasts.

  13. Kind of hard to make blowing a kiss look sexy when your hand looks like a wrinkled old vag.

  14. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    Nothing wrong with her that a series of miracles can’t fix.

  15. Evil Overlord

    Well considering she’s already “spread`em” and been paid for it by every monied dirty old man and filthy rich sheik world-wide and considering that part of her “business” is sinking (I mean really, which rich old fart hasn’t paid to be with Ol`Firecrotch?!) she’s just trying to spread her “brand” around the younger crowd now….

  16. louie louie

    She’s trying to steal his soul She is after all a succubus.

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