Lindsay Lohan Is Basically Telling Everyone She’s A Flight Risk
As someone with several escape plans to non-extradition countries – What? Like I’m the only person to have that link handy. – one of the most important stops is never telling a goddamn soul any of the details. That’s how Chris Hansen knifes you through a mosquito net, and I’ve already said too much. But if you’re Lindsay Lohan and your brain is a used condom filled with cocaine dust, you tell everyone who’ll fucking listen that you’re fleeing to Monaco if shit goes south. TMZ reports:
Lindsay Lohan vows to become a fugitive from justice and will flee to Monaco if she doesn’t complete her community service on time.
We know Lindsay is keenly aware of the looming May 28th deadline, and she knows there’s a real chance she won’t complete her required hours. We also know she’s been told she’s going to jail if she falls short, and this time she actually believes it.
I don’t want to bring racial politics into this (That was a lie.), but I’m pretty sure if a black guy openly announced he’s a flight risk, 14 police helicopters would drop a bomb on him before he could finish saying “Monaco.” Which is obviously a joke because they would’ve done way it before for jaywalking or some other made-up crime. Tom peeping? Is tom peeping on the books? I don’t know why I’m acting like that matters.
Adding… Here’s Lindsay taking an ice bath in a bikini because apparently her next john is Mr. Freeze, so that’s pretty neat. I wonder if Batman ever shows up and is like, “Wow, you are fucking everywhere. Finish up, so I can throw a batarang at that guy’s face.”