Lindsay Lohan Had A Miscarriage, You Guys

April 21st, 2014 // 62 Comments
Previously In Horseshit
Lindsay Lohan Legs High Slit Dress Coachella
Lindsay Got Drunk At Coachella Read More »

Here’s a quick little timeline of this post for the sake of reinforcing what a gaping cuntbag of a liar Lindsay Lohan is which is my main thesis here if not every single time I talk about her. So last night I got some posts set up in advance because my car’s in the garage right now, and the WiFi at the dealership always blocks The Superficial’s pics. (I can’t imagine why.) Originally, this post was titled “Lindsay Lohan’s Sex List Was Part of Her 12 Steps, You Guys” because as of 9 PM EST Sunday night, that was her latest lie. And as always it was a fucking doozy because only Lindsay would literally try to say the handwritten list of celebrities she had sex with that somehow ended up at In Touch netting her tons of publicity – and presumably cash – was written for Step 5 of her AA recovery. It’s the kind of bullshit only Lindsay would say out loud with the genuine expectation of people hearing it and going, “Why that sounds perfectly reasonable, and she’s so pretty.” Except you’re not getting a post about that because during the season finale of her reality show, which I don’t watch thanks to a distinct lack of dragons and (naked) boobs, Lindsay Lohan claimed she had a miscarriage which is why she kept repeatedly fucking up production along with every single professional obligation in her life just like she’s done for the past 10 years. Even more ridiculous, people actually believe her. Yes, a miscarriage is a terrible, emotionally wrenching nightmare that I can’t even imagine what it’s like to go through as a woman, but it’s also a word that can be said which makes it exactly something Lindsay Lohan would lie about regardless of common decency or decorum. As for why Oprah would go along with something like this, you’re talking about a woman who propped up Jenny McCarthy and basically brought back the plague for ratings. She’d kick the still-living fetus out of an actual pregnant woman’s stomach and make Lindsay hold it in front of the camera if it netted her half a point. She’s Satan.

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  1. JC

    It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure for annoyed reactions:

    If you sarcastically said, “Wow, so tons of drug and alcohol abuse might affect a woman’s ability to bring a pregnancy to term? MIND. BLOWN.” go to page 87.

    If you sarcastically said, “Wow, so tons of drug and alcohol abuse might make a self-destructive assclown lie about a miscarriage? MIND. BLOWN.” go to page 243.

  2. Jack Ketch

    Huh??? Who was the poor unfortunate soul who knocked her up? (it it’s true, because she lies as she breathes). I’m sure the whole world wishes her mother had swallowed anyways. Ugh. Totally put off my breakfast now. Totally.

    • JC

      Maybe she can get Maury to float her a couple hundred bucks to do a paternity episode. I don’t think there’s enough room on stage for all the candidates, though. They’ll just have to replace the studio audience with all the hotel owners and coke dealers.

  3. j/k

    I don’t know who the father was but I bet he had cocaine.

  4. CptCreep

    If I was Lindsey Lohan’s fetus, I’d abort myself too.

  5. stinkfinger

    Luckiest kid ever.

  6. Lying about such a thing gets you the express lane straight to hell. Well done, Lindsay, you soulless scumbag.

  7. Sometimes even God is Pro-Choice.

  8. This article and the reactions so far are precisely the kind of thing that bothers the hell out of me. Should I dare to ask a question or raise a point regarding someone who’s accusing a director of rape, I’m labeled a horrible unsensitive idiot “victim blamer”, despite the fact that we live in an innocent until proven guilty society and that I never said anything about the veracity of the person’s claims. However should someone like Lindsay Lohan come out and claim she had a miscarriage it’s time to immediately decide she’s lying, make fun of her and demean her in various ways. Yeah guys, you’re all “victim blamers”.

    • Dox

      You’re just now realizing our entire society is rife with double standards, and bizarre standards of behavior that make no sense?

      Glad you could catch up.

    • America is not an “innocent until proven guilty” society when it comes to any kind of sexual crime a man is accused of.

      It’s a “guilty until proven innocent and guilty even after that” society.

    • Looking at a person’s pattern of behavior to decide if they are trustworthy isn’t a double standard. It’s life. These two incidents (Lohan and Singer) aren’t the same at all. LiLo has a long history of saying pretty much anything she needs to when there are cameras rolling. That’s her track record. Singer apparently has a reputation for liking them young, so that’s his track record. Saying things you haven’t thought out is your track record, Mr. Dude.

    • Just who’s the “victim” here that we’re supposedly “blaming”? For what, exactly? If you’re going to throw a buzzword term around to try and get yourself off the hook, it really helps to know what the fuck it means.

      If the commentary were, “Well, she brought it on herself because look at her history of booze, cigs and coke, so it’s her own fault she lost it”, then you’d be right, but doubting the veracity of an addict’s latest excuse for her latest fuckup in a long line of fuckups, when said addict has a proven track record of very imaginative (yet always debunked) excuses to avoid any and all accountability, isn’t “victim blaming”, it’s refusing to believe yet another lame-ass cry of “wolf”.

      While you’re at it, look up “enabling”, which is what people who continually give addicts “the benefit of the doubt” often do – and which you’ve confused with “innocent until proven guilty”, which is a legal standard. Also, “chemical pregnancy” – if you want to argue this could be a case of supreme self-deception and not actual post production CYA sympathy mining, Lohan could have had no more symptoms than a heavy period and on the strength of that decided that she didn’t need a faintly positive pee stick, she’d miscarried. Especially if the notion then gave her an excuse to relapse.

    • She has proven herself to be a serial liar in court, so why wouldn’t she lie on Oprah? Singer has earned a reputation in Hollywood for hanging out with almost legal and barely legal boys and giving them cocaine. Among other things.

      Now, I’m not saying Lindsay did not have a miscarriage, nor am I saying that Singer raped a boy, but your actions shine a spotlight on yourself. There are times the light will keep moving because there is nothing to see, but there are times it will zoom in because the narrative sounds all too familiar.

      • Bella, Phil and Justi are right on target with their comments.
        It’s Lindsay Lohan we are talking about. She hasn’t said a true thing in years. Just a moment ago she said her mum doesn’t drink at night clubs. I think Dina was still being booked for DUI at the time.

    • You realise that while she was ‘recuperating’ from this horrible miscarriage that caused her to miss work, there was an entire photo set of her partying and gleeful at Coachella?

      She’s already proven herself guilty of being full of shit. No sympathy.

  9. Dox

    I cannot believe you didn’t post about Tela Tequila being pregnant….

    Seriously…

  10. Maybe she just thought it was a miscarriage because she drank 4 bottles of After Shock the night before.

  11. Hugh G. Rection

    It’s sad that she couldn’t grab any of the 100 lifelines thrown to her. But at least her fame originated with talent and not a giant ass and leaked sex tape.

    • But was she ever really that talented? She got her start as a child star, and child stars — with very few exceptions — get handed the “talented” label if they can say their lines without over-enunciating like a third tier character on a Nickelodeon show.

      • Hugh G. Rection

        That still beats anything the Kardashians ever did.

      • I’ve been saying this for years. She had a husky voice, red hair and freckles, and didn’t trip over the furniture, but that’s about all I could ever see in the “talent” department. Her performance in Mean Girls didn’t make me cringe, but she simply isn’t all that. Her performances as an adult have been wooden and flat; her cameo in Glee awhile back was embarrassingly robotic. I’ve seen better acting in dinner theater in Arizona.

      • Hugh G. Rection

        She was the same way on 2 Broke Girls, but still better than…

      • And here I thought the husky voice came from eating cigarettes and gargling with Scotch, lol.

      • Justifiable, the Sheriff Joe and Steven Segal rendition of “The Producers” was better than you’re giving it credit for. The Maricopa Community Playhouse was alive with the magic of THEATER!

  12. WTF, is there no justice in the universe?? A human embryo can fertilize and grow in the polluted wastelane of Lindsay Lohan’s noxious uterus (albeit briefly), but I can’t get goddamn grass to grow in the freakin’ dirt in my front lawn?

    This is the worst injustice in the history of the world.

  13. ElleCav

    It’s actually Step 4, but she is still a piece of shit.

  14. She has been pointing fingers at everyone with regard to her personal/professional demons but now she is pointing a finger at her troubles on an alleged aborted fetus? That’s even low for her.

  15. I don’t know why it is so inconceivable that a whore (possibly/highly likely high dollar escort) who does a lot of drugs and drinks a lot of alcohol and parties all the time could possibly become pregnant. If anything I would argue that she has probably had lots of miscarriages and abortions. She also admitted that list was true and there were a lot of names on there, a lot of names.

    • Kim Kardashian says her ass and tits are real, too.

    • The issue is that a miscarriage would be something she wouldn’t just sit on. It’s something bad that happened to her, that wasn’t her fault, and it’s INSTANT attention and sympathy. As soon as it happened, in reality Lindsay would not be disappearing for two weeks. She would be blubbering about it to everyone who would listen. She likes to blubber about everything bad that happens to her, she wouldn’t stop at this.

      Secondly, there’s production insurance. Via someone else’s comment:

      “If you’re producing a reality show about a known addict immediately upon said addict’s release from rehab, no production insurance company would cover this project without stipulating regular medical checkups on the star, because they stand to lose too much. They therefore would have known she was pregnant before the first camera was turned on, and her two-week “inability to work” would have been documented, medically, because there would have been an immediate insurance claim to pay for the crew during those two weeks; again, that cost, with cameras not rolling, is borne by the insurance company.”

      Also, I doubt Oprah would allow that shit to go on air if it were true and she was really worried about it. I think she was side-eyeing Lindsay as much as everyone else about this shit and just let it air. Oprah would have too much to lose PR wise if people thought she was a heartless bitch who would force a person who just suffered a miscarriage to keep working when they didn’t have it in them.

  16. If the miscarriage was in the bathroom its name is Aquaman. If it was in the living room its name is RugBurn. And damn it I’m proud of going that route of naming that floor stain.

  17. logan

    Wonder if she will sue the great and powerful Oprah for working her so hard? Chaaaaaaaaa Chinggggg

  18. That Fishwrapper site is just a couple of ass kissers – look at any article of Lindsay, and they admit they are biased for her. Any fucking moron would know this fucking coke monster is lying. You don’t fuck up months of production from the very beginning for a miscarriage that happened towards the end of filming. Also funny, this stupid twat didn’t have it in her to go to work, but she sure wasn’t bothered enough to stop going out at night. Hm.

  19. Miscarriage??? You mean coat hangers really DO work?

  20. From Within the Womb…
    “Omigod, that’s my mom? Fuck that shit! I am fucking OUTTA HERE!

  21. buzz

    This claim by LL would be a lot more credible if she said it AFTER her series was over and done. Not on its finale.

  22. Not enough people are watching it so I’ll spread the gospel, Hannibal is the best drama on TV right now, on par with Breaking Bad and True Detective. so check it out. It’s really good.

  23. Kristin

    So that’s how they’re spelling “abortion” these days, hey?

  24. Swearin

    So basically she’s claiming to have slept with every famous man in Hollywood under 45. Jamie Dornan was on this list and nobody even knew who he was until 6 months ago. At this point she may as well have claimed to have slept with all of the Avengers, including Scarlett Jo

  25. Lindsay Lohan
    Odbarc
    Commented on this photo:

    Only because prenatal vitamins and cocaine look the same.

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