Lindsay Lohan Had A Miscarriage, You Guys

Here’s a quick little timeline of this post for the sake of reinforcing what a gaping cuntbag of a liar Lindsay Lohan is which is my main thesis here if not every single time I talk about her. So last night I got some posts set up in advance because my car’s in the garage right now, and the WiFi at the dealership always blocks The Superficial’s pics. (I can’t imagine why.) Originally, this post was titled “Lindsay Lohan’s Sex List Was Part of Her 12 Steps, You Guys” because as of 9 PM EST Sunday night, that was her latest lie. And as always it was a fucking doozy because only Lindsay would literally try to say the handwritten list of celebrities she had sex with that somehow ended up at In Touch netting her tons of publicity – and presumably cash – was written for Step 5 of her AA recovery. It’s the kind of bullshit only Lindsay would say out loud with the genuine expectation of people hearing it and going, “Why that sounds perfectly reasonable, and she’s so pretty.” Except you’re not getting a post about that because during the season finale of her reality show, which I don’t watch thanks to a distinct lack of dragons and (naked) boobs, Lindsay Lohan claimed she had a miscarriage which is why she kept repeatedly fucking up production along with every single professional obligation in her life just like she’s done for the past 10 years. Even more ridiculous, people actually believe her. Yes, a miscarriage is a terrible, emotionally wrenching nightmare that I can’t even imagine what it’s like to go through as a woman, but it’s also a word that can be said which makes it exactly something Lindsay Lohan would lie about regardless of common decency or decorum. As for why Oprah would go along with something like this, you’re talking about a woman who propped up Jenny McCarthy and basically brought back the plague for ratings. She’d kick the still-living fetus out of an actual pregnant woman’s stomach and make Lindsay hold it in front of the camera if it netted her half a point. She’s Satan.

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