Lindsay Lohan Has A Boyfriend

As part of an effort to prove Lindsay Lohan is totally cured now and not the same Lindsay, her “team” couldn’t wait to send out a press release that she’s in a heterosexual relationship with Matt Nordgren a real, live boy AND a Christian who doesn’t drink. He also used to play for the Eagles and comes from a rich family, so another way to report this could’ve been Lindsay Lohan has a new mark. She found a new mark. “That was an incredible blowjob. Here’s my social security number,” are things he should be saying shortly while placing his fingertips in a bag. “Wait, there’s a retina scanner, too!” *grabs spoon*

Photos: Splash News