Lindsay Lohan Has A Boyfriend

September 18th, 2013 // 37 Comments
Fucking. Finally.
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As part of an effort to prove Lindsay Lohan is totally cured now and not the same Lindsay, her “team” couldn’t wait to send out a press release that she’s in a heterosexual relationship with Matt Nordgren a real, live boy AND a Christian who doesn’t drink. He also used to play for the Eagles and comes from a rich family, so another way to report this could’ve been Lindsay Lohan has a new mark. She found a new mark. “That was an incredible blowjob. Here’s my social security number,” are things he should be saying shortly while placing his fingertips in a bag. “Wait, there’s a retina scanner, too!” *grabs spoon*

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. wobble
    wobble
    wobble

  2. George Washington

    For a Christian who does’nt drink the guy must have been shit-faced when he asked her out

  3. MD2020

    Just so people don’t get the wrong idea, Lindsay is not actually pulling down NFL tail. This dude was on the Eagles for like 3 weeks 7 years ago and didn’t really do much for those 3 weeks but hold the ball for the placekicker.

  4. in related news: man severs own penis to end intolerable scorching pain

  5. I was hoping it was George Zimmerman. Then the two distant worlds of celeb slamming and Zimmerman news could be united.

    • Rasputin's Evil Twin

      Then she’d get into the 27 Forever Club without drugs. Is that legal? Wait, she won’t be without drugs for long.

      Does anyone see a link between this photo and the one of Zac whoever fondling himself? it’s weird, but fitting.

  6. Why would any normal person want ANYTHING to do with this trash or her skanky family? Honestly. Dude must have a graveyard of skeletons in his closet.

  7. Lindsay Lohan Side Boob
    Commented on this photo:

    This should be the door to a GYM that she is entering.
    She’s a (in no way hot) mess.

  8. Lindsay Lohan Side Boob
    BetterBelieveIt
    Commented on this photo:

    SHE IS SO HOT!!!

  9. CARLY

    I feel awful saying this but she looked better when she ate less.

  10. He doesn’t drink? Then what could they possibly have in common?

  11. Lindsay Lohan Side Boob
    Hugh Jass
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim K couldn’t fit her arms in those pants.

  12. Lindsay Lohan Side Boob
    Commented on this photo:

    Her sideboob thing is the hottest out there…

  13. JTT

    That idiot Matt Nordgren was from Dallas Most Eligible on Bravo, or one of those BS stations. He is beyond the definition of a tool.

  14. anonym

    I can imagine it’s like kissing a disease bag ashtray.

  15. jennifer

    Lindsay has a team?
    …oh, you mean those people at the LA County depatment of probation & parole.

  16. Good luck, dude. You’ll need it.

  17. cc

    All I can say is he better start changing his PIN codes from his year of birth and jersey number.

  18. Side boob is always nice. Can I get that with fries?

  19. “…she’s in a heterosexual relationship with Matt Nordgren a real, live boy…”
    Just because Matt Nordgren has (I assume) a penis, isn’t deeming this a heterosexual coupling jumping to conclusions? Maybe she does him in the ass with a strap-on.

  20. ace11

    I thought she was into chicks?

  21. King Refrigerator

    She’s like expired cheese… You still think of eating it but you’d rather not to avoid getting any deceases.
    To put it simply… hate-fuck it in the trapdoor.

  22. Lindsay Lohan Side Boob
    whatthe
    Commented on this photo:

    She can hold a half dozen pencils under that flapjack.

  23. She deserves a Sag Award, and I don’t mean the Screen Actor’s Guild.

  24. She is almost ten years younger than me and her breasts look ten times worse. Is she tying fishing line to her nipples and fishing in the gulf for red snapper?

  25. Ag

    I wish she’d cover up her nasty, sagging udders.

  26. Matt Nordegren a nice christian boy? HA! That do*chebag has plowed through most of Dallas and has been making his way into Hollywood for years. He claims his Dad’s company as his own, he played maybe 3 weeks in the NFL, and he’s just an all-around tool.

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